


I have faced it, a life wasted

by catrasredemption (dimensionhoppingrose)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: All Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone makes bad choices, F/F, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Reunions, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, minor appearances by other characters and relationships, seriously there's some heavy stuff here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/catrasredemption
Summary: —Modern AU—Catra ran away from home, from her best friend and from her mistakes after a drunken car accident nearly killed her and Adora.It takes three more years and a mental breakdown for Catra to finally get her life together and to a place that's good and healthy. She's happy, and accepted that Adora will never be part of her life again. She's made peace with the past.At least until the past comes back to bite her.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 209
Kudos: 831





	1. The world awaits just up the stairs

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been fiddling with for awhile, and Tumblr people seemed really interested in it, sooooooooooo here we go I guess?
> 
> Chapter number subject to change.

It was going to be one of _those_ days.

Catra had planned for it — she had seen the weather. She had gotten the heating pads ready. She had set her alarms to allow for extra time. She had the cane ready, even if she resented its existence.

But that first jolt of pain that dragged her back from sleep was still a sharp, unpleasant surprise.

She hissed through her teeth, drawing her leg up to try and ease some of the pain. It was raining for the first time in nearly a month; that was always when her knee was at its worst. She took a few deep breaths, stretched her leg again, and after another painful moment, pulled herself out of bed. At least it held off until the weekend so she could wallow in peace, she thought miserably as she shuffle-dragged herself to the bathroom. She heard a low whining noise behind her.

“I’m _fine_ , Melog. Quit worrying so much.”

Probably not the best thing to say to the dog whose job it basically was to worry about her, but she shook the thought off. Getting a service dog had been her therapist’s idea — for help on the worst pain days and the worst mental heath days. She had spent weeks researching it, and then justifying to herself and the voices in her head why it was okay for her to consider something like this for herself. Fighting down her mother’s berating voice had taken two months’ worth of sessions all on its own.

A gentle snout brushed her hand — a reminder that she had made the choice, that she’d had the two-year-old German Shepherd for four months, and that it was okay for her to accept the support he offered. She sighed.

“Okay, okay, okay. C’mere.”

The dog nudged up against her side, letting her lean on him and making her journey to the bathroom a _little_ faster.

One quick shower later, Catra was lying on the couch with her leg stretched out, heating pad on her knee, and laptop on her lap as she did her morning catchup. Email — a few bill alerts, some trash, advertisements, the usual. She popped a few blueberries in her mouth as she deleted the emails, then moved to social media. A few friend requests on Facebook, some likes on her mostly Melog-dedicated Instagram, standard stuff. Melog was unsurprisingly popular — the rarely used private account had quickly become a public account for pictures of the dog, because it was fun to see the reactions people had to what a doofus Melog was sometimes. Her last picture (Melog lying on his back, stomach exposed, tongue hanging out, captioned “serious work dog”) had gotten nearly a thousand likes overnight. She scrolled through the notifications without really paying attention…

Until her eyes locked on a username.

_ScorpCorp._

She blinked a few times, mouse hovering on the link. No. Definitely not. It was just a… coincidence. Stupid play on words. Definitely not her, definitely not, definitely…

“ _Fuck_ ,” Catra breathed when she saw the profile picture of a young, white-haired woman, her hair cropped short, sides shaved. Melog looked up from his breakfast, making a noise. “Nothing, Melog. Small world.”

The mouse moved to the DM link. She fought with herself for a moment, one part of her thinking that Scorpia wouldn’t want to hear from her anyway, the other wanting to warn her in case she wanted to unfollow.

 _Warn her away from my toxicity_ eventually won out, and she typed a quick, awkward message. _Hey Scorpia, this is Catra from high school. I know my dog is adorable but if you don’t want me to be able to contact you… ya know. I’ll leave you alone no matter, don’t worry._

She hit send and closed her laptop immediately, not wanting to know when the other woman answered. She put music on her phone, took a couple of painkillers, and closed her eyes. She had only been awake for an hour, but being in constant pain was exhausting.

It was almost noon when she woke up again, thunder rumbling lightly outside, and her knee twinged. _Great_. She reached for her phone to check the weather — and froze when she saw she had a message on Instagram. One hand dropped to find Melog, gently scratching his head until her heart rate returned to normal. She opened Instagram and went to her messages.

_Hey Catra! I know ^_^ My girlfriend’s been following you for awhile, I was hoping if I followed you’d hit me up._

_Wait is that weird? That’s totally weird._

_I haven’t been stalking you or anything! Perfuma just kept showing me pictures and one day I actually looked at the profile and like, how many people are named Catra?_

_Oh, Perfuma is my girlfriend._

_God this is creepy, I’m sorry._

Catra was giggling before she could stop herself. Melog’s ear twitched at the unfamiliar noise. She pet his head again before typing a reply.

_I just wanted to make sure you know. Like I said, I won’t bother you or anything._

She went to check the weather, groaning when she saw a week of rain and mid-grade temperatures. Just what she wanted. A week of pain.

Another Instagram notification popped up, and she went back to the app.

_You can bother me! If you want to, I mean. Or I can just look at your dog all day. He’s really adorable._

_That was creepy again. I’m sorry_.

Catra looked up from her phone and saw Melog eyeing her. “Smile,” she said, taking a quick picture and sending it to Scorpia.

 _He’s super cute and he knows it_.

She got a reply almost immediately. _THAT FACE. He’s so cute! How long have you had him?_

 _About four months. He’s more for functionality than aesthetic, but it’s still a face to die for_.

Melog perked up again when Catra tried to stand. It was a _little_ better after several hours with the heating pad, but the pain never _quite_ went away. “I’m okay, bud. Just need lunch. I don’t suppose I’m allowed to get pizza?” Melog just stared at her. “Why do I ask you for permission? It’s not like you can tell me what to do.” More staring. “Okay, okay.”

She stood, heading for the kitchen to try and put together a passable lunch. Several messages were waiting for her when she returned.

_What do you mean?_

_Oh, are you in Bright Moon? Do you want to maybe talk?_

_In person, I mean. We’re talking now, obviously._

_If you don’t want to, that’s okay._

_Wow, I’m really bad at this, lol_.

“I think _she_ might need your help,” Catra muttered to Melog. He nudged her leg, and she smiled despite herself.

_You’re not bad at this, I was making lunch. And yeah, I’m in Bright Moon. I wouldn’t mind meeting up, but are you sure?_

She barely put the phone down before it buzzed again. Scorpia truly hadn’t changed. _Yeah! You know that little vegan coffee shop on Main Street? It’s my girlfriend’s shop, we could meet there. If you want, whenever you’re free._

Catra sighed, switching back to the weather app. She could tell Scorpia a million excuses to put it off until the weather was better. But she didn’t trust herself not to freak out and cut her old friend off before they even had a chance to talk again.

_Tomorrow? If that’s not too soon._

_Sounds great!_

* * *

The shop was so _cutesy_.

Catra had passed it a few times, and from the outside it hadn’t looked like something she would enjoy. Stepping inside now, there wasn’t much to change that opinion. But there were chairs, and after half an hour on the bus with an asshole hassling her about Melog, all she wanted was to sit somewhere halfway comfortable and stretch her leg.

The blonde behind the counter turned, and immediately went through a myriad of emotions. She looked delighted when she saw the dog, then quickly sobered up when she saw the service dog vest, then tilted her head probably as she identified Melog from his modest Instagram fame, then her eyes flew up to look at Catra, probably connecting the dots.

“Scorpia’s girlfriend, I presume,” she said dryly, pretending she couldn’t tell she was lowkey being judged. She had resisted looking at Scorpia’s Instagram. It felt too creepy.

“Oh — yes! Hello!”

“Hey.” The floor plan was nice and open, which Catra was grateful for as she made her way to a table near the counter.

“So you’re Catra?”

“The one and only.” She sat, gesturing for Melog to tuck himself away. “Literally, no one else has my name. My mother hates me.”

The blonde’s smile made a faint return. “I’m Perfuma. Nice to meet you.”

“No it isn’t, but I appreciate the politeness.” There was no way Scorpia _hadn’t_ told Perfuma what had happened.

Perfuma was saved from Catra’s bluntness by the door opening again. Her face lit up. “Hi Scorpia!”

Catra had expected to have more time. She jerked upright, bad knee slamming right into the table. She bit down hard on her tongue to keep the string of curses down, pressing her hands to her knee. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

“Are… you okay?” Scorpia asked uncertainly as she approached.

“Yeah.” Catra’s voice cracked, her entire body tense. That was going to swell and be an absolute bitch to deal with later. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m fine. Sorry.”

Melog had peeked out from under the table, whimpering. “Seriously, I’m fine.” She snapped her fingers, pointing back under the table. “Down.”

She swore the dog gave her a reproachful look before lying back down.

Scorpia sat across from her while Perfuma placed a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the table. She gave the blonde a strained smile. “Thanks.”

“Sorry, I thought I’d get here early, you know.” Scorpia chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. Catra reluctantly took the bottle of painkillers, counting out four. She hated showing the weakness, but she still needed to take the bus home. “Easy, wildcat, that’s kind of a lot.”

“It’s ibuprofen, it doesn’t help much.” She threw the pills back and took a long sip of water. Scorpia frowned, tilting her head.

“Are you… okay?”

“Yeah.” Catra ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath. Her other hand reached to pet Melog. “Fucked up my knee. One-way ticket to chronic pain for the rest of my life. Aspirin kind of takes the edge off but that’s about it.”

Scorpia winced. “Ouch.”

“It’s fine.” Catra waved it off, trying to smile. She really hadn’t wanted to start this off talking about herself. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, I’m good! I uh… I ended up putting off college for a couple years but I graduated last year!”

“Really? What’d you go for?”

“Uh… theatre.” Catra snorted before she could stop herself. “Hey, don’t laugh!”

“I’m not! I mean, I am, I’m sorry.” She pressed her face into her hands, giggling. “I’m not laughing at you though, I swear. I remember Into the Woods. You were amazing.”

“You… remember that?”

“Of course I do. I went to every show, didn’t I?”

She looked up, meeting Scorpia’s surprised gaze. “You did?”

“Yeah. I left after you died in the last few shows, but I stayed for most of them.”

Scorpia blinked a few times, staring at her. “I didn’t know you went to any of them. You always made fun of it.”

“Well, I was an ass.” Catra ducked her head, shoulders hunching up. “I sat in the back, honestly. But I thought it was pretty cool.”

Melog rested his head on her good knee, licking her hand. “That’s… nice to hear,” Scorpia said with a small smile.

“That I was an ass?”

Scorpia threw a sugar packet at her, laughing. “That you went.”

Catra ducked her head, looking down at Melog. “Um, hey, want to meet the face of my Instagram?”

Okay, _fine_ , she was still working on feelings. But she hadn’t expected to get this serious this quickly. Thankfully, Scorpia was distracted; her eyes went wide, and she squealed. “Puppy! Oh, he’s so cute!”

Melog had lowered himself to rest his head on his paws, but his tail wiggled slightly, acknowledging that he was being called a cute puppy. “Sorry, he’s not always camera-ready when he’s working.” Catra nudged him with her foot, smiling slightly.

“Working?” Scorpia finally saw the vest he was wearing, and the pieces clicked. “Oh. More for functionality than aesthetic.”

“But still a face to die for.”

“What’s his job? I mean is it just your knee, or…?”

“Uh… he does a lot of things.” Catra rubbed one eye with the heel of her palm, resting her elbow on the table. “Helping me get around on bad pain days is one of them.” Scorpia was clearly waiting for more. Catra sighed. “Look, it’s stupid—”

“It’s not,” Scorpia assured her.

“I didn’t want to make all of this about me.”

“I want to hear about you. Look, wildcat…” Scorpia paused, and sighed. “Honestly, I wasn’t going to reach out. I just really liked your dog, and it felt weird to steal Perfuma’s phone and look at your account from hers. But you’ve obviously changed. I was… really surprised when you messaged me first.”

Catra shrugged, finger tracing meaningless circles on the table. “I just wanted to make sure you knew it was me in case… I mean, most people from high school have cut me off. Understandably.”

“Actually, Entrapta’s been following you for months.” Catra’s head snapped up, surprised. “Melog is _really_ cute. I don’t think she knows it’s you, though. You know how she is.”

“Stupidly smart and brilliantly stupid, yeah.” Entrapta was basically the definition of the word genius. But Catra had also watched her climb a tree in a thunder storm to rescue a homemade drone. “Surprised she hasn’t changed the world yet.”

“She’s working on it. She has like… ten different patents pending. But that’s not the point.”

Catra sighed, looking at Melog, then reaching into her pocket and pulling out the stupid coin. She twirled it between her fingers as she spoke. “I uh… had a bit of a meltdown right before my last year of college. My knee had been getting worse, the doctor said something about _arthritis_ which, like, I was _twenty-one_ , so hearing that didn’t feel great. Brilliant dumbass that I am, I went out, got smashed, called my mom, and came out to her.” She finally looked up at Scorpia again. Her expression was sympathetic, but understanding. “You could at least pretend to be surprised.”

“At which part? Mermista and I had a running bet waiting for you to figure out you weren’t straight. Guess she wins. And you’d been in a mental spiral since we were like, fifteen.”

“It wasn’t _that_ long.”

“Most teenagers don’t go to class drunk, Catra.”

“Ugh, fine.” She sighed, trying to track the story and figure out where she left off.. “So I came out to my mom then immediately hung up and went to bed and woke up to an _hour-long voicemail_ about all the ways she was going to _fix_ me.”

“You’re kidding.”

“She already had a therapist lined up when I finally called her back. That was in… February, I think, and I put up with the therapist until August. Twice a week, or more if _Mom_ felt it was necessary, every week for six months.”

“I’m guessing it wasn’t one of those nice ‘love yourself for who you are’ therapists.”

“Of course not. It was someone she knew from church.”

Scorpia rolled her eyes. Even she hated Catra’s mother, and that was saying a lot. “I kind of had the whole ‘shit I’m not straight’ realization when I was nineteen and just did my best to hide it from her. But I started going to some pride meetings on campus and met these girls — they were a year older than me and basically ready to be moms.” She smiled a bit despite the fake exasperation in her tone. “So they adopted me and literally called me their baby gay, and when Mom threw me out they let me stay with them, helped me find a therapist to start unfucking my head, all that stuff. I ended up living with them for…” She paused to count, “Four years. I just moved out last spring and got my own place. And I’m pretty sure they would have let me stay if I could have gotten to work from their place, but they live outside the city and the bus route would’ve been insane.”

“You don’t drive?” Scorpia asked without thinking, and then immediately cringed. “Um… sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Catra assured her warily. “No, I don’t drive. I started doing the whole sober thing when I moved in with them, went to AA and everything, and it turns out the alcohol was covering up all sorts of fun mental fuckups. I started having panic attacks every time I was behind the wheel, and finally sold my car after six months. Not that I ever should’ve been given my license back in the first place…”

She sighed, taking a sip of her drink. “My therapist suggested a service dog for physical assistance and… you know, the various things that are wrong with my head, once I was out on my own, because I wasn’t really… doing great living by myself. I didn’t start drinking again, but I was forgetting my medication a lot, which had some really bad side effects on its own, started blowing off Netossa and Spinnerella, acted like a complete jackass to the kid they were fostering…” She ran her free fingers through her hair, shaking her head. “Stupid. It was all fucking stupid. Netossa basically dragged me to an emergency therapy session and told the old lady to help me get my head on straight before she did it herself. Which would have been _so_ much more painful. And I… ended up with this lump of fur.”

Catra gestured to the dog under the table. Scorpia smiled softly. “He’s a pretty great lump of fur. So what’s…”

She nodded to the coin in Catra’s fingers. It had been moving the entire time. “Oh, I just… like having my hands occupied. Especially when I’m talking about something. And I… well.”

She finally put the coin on the table and slid it over for Scorpia to see. It was a blue coin with the number 5 engraved into it. “Five years sober. I just got it a couple weeks ago. I have one for every month up to the first year, then the third year, and I started carrying them around with me, so when I need something to do…”

Her voice drifted off, and she shrugged. Scorpia watched her for a long moment before standing, walking around the table, and hugging her tight. She was exactly as strong as Catra remembered. “Hi,” she wheezed.

“I’m so proud of you.” Scorpia pulled away, grinning. “We all kind of knew you weren’t okay in high school, but…”

“I was an ass and made it impossible to talk to me? Yeah.” Catra slumped back in her seat, sighing. “Trust me, I know.”

“But you’ve changed so much! It’s great! Man, if the others could see you…”

“They’d want to punch me,” Catra said wryly. “And I’d deserve it.”

“No, you wouldn’t. We were all screw ups in high school—”

“Only one of us ran a car into a light pole, though.”

Scorpia faltered and fell silent, slowly going back to her seat. She hadn’t been in the car that night. Catra had offered her a ride, and she had smartly refused after seeing Catra — lithe, light, stealthy Catra — stumble around like an idiot looking for her car keys.

“Is that how you messed up your knee?”

“Yeah.” Catra carefully flexed her leg a couple times. “I guess I was leaning around kind of weird when the air bag went off? It didn’t cushion me like it was supposed to, and I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, of course. My knee basically went through the radio.”

“ _Ouch_.”

“I don’t remember much of it. I had all the gory details relayed to me from a copy of the police report my mother got. She recited it to me every single day while she sat next to my fucking hospital bed.”

“You know, I _kind of_ forgot how much I hate your mother. You don’t still talk to her, do you?”

“She calls every few months to see if I’ve died in a gutter yet. Sometimes I pick up if I’m having a bad day and need to blame someone for all my problems. She’s a convenient target since she’s three hours away.”

“I’m sorry, Wildcat. You deserve better.”

“No, I don’t.”

“If I may?” Perfuma spoke up gently, causing them both to jump. They had forgotten where they were. “I may be slightly more objective than Scorpia.”

“Heh.” Scorpia chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”

Perfuma smiled, looking back at Catra. “Scorpia’s told me most of the story. Does it seem fair to sum it up as you’ve done bad things and bad things have happened to you?” Catra nodded. “You realize the bad things that have happened aren’t supposed to be a punishment for the bad things you _did,_ right? No one _deserves_ to be hurt, no matter what outside forces are telling them.”

Catra stared at Perfuma for a moment, blinking. “You sound like my therapist. Except a lot more to the point since she’s eighty and tends to go off on stories about cats I’m not sure actually exist. Who names their cat _Broom_?”

“Does it help to hear from someone who has no history with you?”

“It… makes it more believable.” Catra picked up the coin again, twirling it mindlessly. “No offense, Scorpia, but you’re kind of a bleeding heart.”

“You’re… not wrong.”

They ended up spending nearly eight hours at the shop, talking, exchanging _good_ stories about things that had happened — Catra didn’t have many, but she enjoyed hearing more about Scorpia and her acting career.

It was a little after six when Catra caught sight of the clock behind the counter. “ _Fuck_ ,” she muttered, standing unsteadily. Melog immediately jumped up to help her. “Sorry, Scorpia, I’ve gotta go, last bus is in fifteen minutes—”

“I’ll give you a ride,” Scorpia said quickly. The bus stop was down the street, and they both knew Catra wouldn’t make it. She still hesitated. “Look, I’ve kept you here for the last hour talking about a community theatre play I did last year. The least I can do is give you a ride so you don’t hurt yourself trying to make the bus.”

“I…” Catra looked at Melog, who stared back in that weird _I’m a dog I can’t answer you_ while also telling her to take the damn ride. “Okay. I’d really appreciate it, actually.”

Scorpia was clearly pleased as she stood; Catra couldn’t help but mimic the smile. It had been _so_ long since she’d really talked to someone like this. It felt… good.

* * *

“Are you _ever_ going to get off your phone?”

“I dunno, are _you_ ever going to stop being ancient?”

Netossa rolled her eyes, reaching over to swat Catra’s arm. She smirked and hit _Post_ , uploading the photo of Melog lying in the backseat. “Melog has a very dedicated fanbase. They need to know his every move and whereabout.”

“He’s sitting in a _car_.”

“This is exciting for him! He gets _two_ car rides in one month.”

Netossa took a moment to shake head and wonder what she had done to end up with such an ungrateful child. “Hey, so tell me about that.”

“What are you, my therapist?”

“Keep mouthing off, and I’ll tell Spinny not to give you dessert.”

“ _Rude_.” Netossa smirked, enjoying her power. “Fine. I sort of accidentally ended up hanging out with a friend from high school last weekend. She gave me a ride so I didn’t have to run for the bus.”

“Was it—?”

“No.” Catra slumped down in the seat, staring out the window. “She’s never going to talk to me again. It was Scorpia — you know, the smart one who _didn’t_ get in the car with us.”

“The one who gives the ridiculous hugs?”

“Yeah. They’re still ridiculous, for the record.”

“Aaaaaawwww, she hugged you?”

“Oh my _god_.” Catra covered her face with her hands. “Netossa I am _begging_ you, get some friends under fifty.”

“You know, Spinny made chocolate cheesecake just for you. It’d be a shame if you didn’t get a slice.”

Catra narrowed her eyes. “You play dirty.”

“Gotta keep up with you youngins somehow.”

Netossa’s and Spinnerella’s house was small, but almost something out of a fairy tale. The windows were even decorated with white Christmas lights against lacy curtains, giving it an almost otherworldly feel. All Spinnerella’s touch, of course.

“Hey Frosty.” Catra flopped down on the couch next to the twelve-year-old who had been living here four months — the other kid they’d had, the one Catra had snapped at during her last spiral, had gone back home to his mother, leaving the women with just one kid. Catra doubted that second room would be empty for long, though.

“Hey kitty.” Frosta looked up from the game she was playing. “How’s your knee?”

“Good enough for a Sunday selfie.”

“Spinnyyyyyyyyyyyy,” Netossa whined as she walked toward the kitchen. “The kids are being _young_ again.”

“Not our fault you’re old!” Catra called as Frosta half flopped in her lap, calling for Melog to join them. “Okay, okay, hang on…”

It took a minute to get a good angle, but she managed a decent shot of herself, Frosta draped on her shoulder, and Melog half in her lap. “Why can’t _I_ have a phone with Instagram?” the girl asked as she fell back onto the couch, still leaning on Catra’s shoulder to watch her post.

“Because _you_ are twelve,” Spinnerella reminded her from the kitchen door. “And most of those sites want you to be at least thirteen.”

“ _No one_ is honest about their age online, Spinnerella,” Frosta informed the woman solemnly.

“ _Yeah_ , Spinnerella,” Catra added. “There are eight year olds with their own YouTube channels. Get with the program.”

“You’re so mean to us.” Spinnerella sat on Catra’s other side, tugging her into a hug.

“You keep letting me come back, though.”

Spinnerella gave her a small nudge, smiling. “Frosta, save your game and go clean up for dinner.”

“Okay.”

The older woman leaned back against the arm of the couch, watching Frosta go. Catra was half lying on her the minute the girl was gone.

“You all right?”

“Rough week.”

Spinnerella brushed her fingers through Catra’s wild hair. “Netossa said something about more old lady jokes than usual. What’s going on?”

“I… I dunno. Nightmares have been worse than usual. And _yes_ , I talked to Razz about it. She managed to say something halfway coherent about reconnecting with my past through my dreams because I saw someone from high school.”

“Have you called your sponsor?” Catra groaned, rolling onto her back and stretching out, still half lying on Spinnerella. She was basically a mass of gangly limbs, Spinnerella thought fondly.

“I don’t _need_ to call my sponsor, I haven’t wanted to drink.”

“Not even a little?”

“I… okay, _maybe_ a little the other night. But I didn’t! And it was four in the morning. She would _not_ have wanted that phone call.”

“This is what sponsors are _for_ , sweetheart. Have you been to a meeting lately?”

“Yup, got the shiny five-year chip and everything.”

“Last month is not lately.”

“Spinny,” Netossa called nervously from the kitchen. “It’s bubbling.”

Spinnerella looked up, bewildered. “What’s bubbling? I’m making lasagna.”

“I don’t know, it looks like there are bubbles in the cheese or something. Come fix it.”

“I’m surrounded by disasters.” Spinnerella hugged Catra tight before standing and going to save her wife. Catra fell back on the couch, checking her phone. The selfie already had several likes, and a comment from someone named _ScienceTrapt_.

_CATRA?!_

Oh boy. Catra checked the profile to make sure she wasn’t making wrong assumptions, then went to send a private message.

 _Hey Entrapta. Sorry, I would’ve warned you if I knew you were following me. No hard feelings if you don’t want me to be able to contact you_.

Spinnerella called them for dinner; Catra left her phone on the coffee table, feeling slightly better as she went to the kitchen. This house had an odd way of just making her feel good.

It felt more like home than her mother’s house ever had.

Catra _did_ , in fact, get a piece of cheesecake, despite Netossa’s threats. Spinnerella never would have deprived her of her favorite dessert. She and Frosta spent at least ten minutes trying to figure out if one of them had gotten a bigger slice than the other before Netossa said she’d eat both their slices if they didn’t do it themselves.

Several Instagram messages were waiting upon Catra’s return.

_Catra! No it’s okay, I was just surprised! You never seemed like a dog person._

_He’s so cute, though! Is he really a working dog? What do you have him for?_

_I just talked to Scorpia and she said I shouldn’t have asked you that, I’m sorry._

_She also said you guys went to Perfuma’s coffee shop together. She has the BEST lattes._

_She serves them in little cups and everything!_

Catra could almost here Entrapta rattling all of this off in her rapid voice. She smiled slightly, sending back a message.

 _It’s okay. He’s half for physical things, half for mental things. I didn’t get a chance to try the lattes. Next time, maybe_.

She didn’t realize what she said until she hit send. _Next time?_

_Scorpia and I get coffee every Tuesday night! You should come with us!_

_I already asked her and she said it’s okay, if you want to._

_And you can bring Melog! I think Perfuma would let him in even if he wasn’t a service dog, though._

_What mental things?_

_I assume the physical things are from the car accident._

_Oooooooooh, I’ve been working on a couple of mobility devices, maybe you could help!_

Catra still couldn’t keep up with the girl. Who thought it was a good idea to give her _coffee_?

* * *

Entrapta had not changed at all. She spent the first hour asking Catra all kinds of questions about Melog, then she spent some time talking about her experiments, school, some fun people she met who didn’t sound at all fun, but Catra nodded along, smiling and making noises in the right places. She was exhausted by the end of the night, however, and grateful when Scorpia offered her a ride.

That night, tucked into bed with her laptop, the heating pad on her knee, and Melog pressed into her side, Catra went through her instagram followers and realized Entrapta wasn’t the only high school friend to accidentally find Melog.

 _QueenoftheSea_. Mermista. Her dumbass boyfriend (god were they _still_ dating?) was there as well, right below her name.

 _ArcherBow_. Catra raised an eyebrow at that one. Bow had the subtility of a rock.

 _Longshot18_. Lonnie, Catra had guessed before confirming her suspicions. The first picture was of her, Rogelio, and Kyle (who also followed Melog), and was captioned _Date Night_. Huh. Good for them.

 _Adora-ble._ Catra stared at that one for a long time, slightly nauseous, before moving on without checking anything.

 _GlitterQueen_. Jesus fuck, _Sparkles_. This was getting out of hand.

Catra went to Facebook to grab a few pictures she had posted earlier and uploaded them to Instagram. A selfie of her and Melog, Entrapta playing with her five-year chip (after spending nearly ten minutes talking about how amazing it was for Catra to have stayed sober for that long after what she had gone through in high school and college), Melog resting under the coffee table at her feet, and a picture of the tattoo on her arm — a feather with the words _One More Breath_ weaved into the fibers.

Finally, she started typing the caption.

_I won’t disrupt Melog’s feed too much, don’t worry. I know you’re all here for him. But it’s come to my attention that he’s attracted a few people I knew in high school, so I want to get this out of the way._

_Yes, this is Catra. Yes, THAT Catra. I’m putting this out here now, for all of you, and for anyone who might find this later. If you want to turn around and click unfollow and block me, go right ahead. No hard feelings._

_The pictures are:_

_1) Me and Melog. No, I didn’t pick the name. He’s a trained service dog, the family he trained with gave him the name. I’ve only had him for four months. I’ve mentioned it briefly in other pictures, but he’s for physical and psychiatric needs. My fucked up knee turned into arthritis when I was 21, and he’s been great for helping with things when I can’t bend right._

_2) @sciencetrapt playing with my 5-year chip. Yes, I went to fucking AA, and I haven’t touched a drink in five years. No, I don’t always believe it either. I thought the chips were kind of stupid and hokey at first, honestly, but my sponsor kept forcing them on me, and eventually I started carrying them around to play with them when I needed my hands occupied. I just hit five years last month._

_3) Melog doing what he does best when he’s not working — nothing._

_4) A tattoo on my left arm. Unsurprisingly, putting my life back together after I self-destructed wasn’t easy. A friend of mine got very used to talk me through panic attacks, and one thing she always said was “just focus on taking one more breath.” The point was to keep me focused on one moment to the next instead of getting ahead of myself and worrying about a million things in the future that I couldn’t control._

_Trust me, I don’t enjoy talking about myself this much, so publicly — it’s part of this whole “transparent honesty” thing I’ve been trying, and since high school’s decided to visit me, this seems like a good time to put that in practice. If you hate me — honestly, I don’t blame you. If you want to get away from me, that’s why I’m posting this. No, I won’t answer questions from strangers about what happened. I’m not being THAT transparent. If people from high school want to DM me, go ahead._

_I now return you to your not-at-all scheduled Melog pictures with 100% less me._

_—C_

She closed her laptop and set it aside, settling in to go to sleep. She didn’t want to spend too much time obsessing about it.

* * *

There was no time to look at Instagram until she was on the bus the next morning on her way to work (without Melog — she did her best to not bring him to the office unless she really thought she wouldn’t survive the day without him). She pulled out her phone to do her morning checks, saving Instagram for last.

She had two hundred notifications.

 _What. The. Fuck_.

She went straight to the picture she had posted last night and sure enough, that was where most of them were coming from. A shocking amount of people had liked the photo — including several high school people (including the not-so-mysterious _Adora-ble_ which Catra tried not to think too hard about), and there was a few dozen or so comments. The expected “fuck this post more dog pictures” comments, a few general “good for you, take care of yourself” comments from strangers, Scorpia had commented with a thumbs up and “GOOD FOR YOU WILDCAT”, Entrapta had left a smiley face…

And then came the comments that made her feel sick before she had even read them. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and began skimming the usernames, settling first on _QueenoftheSea_.

_Hey, good for you, or, you know, whatever. Cute dog._

Catra coughed, rolling her eyes. Mermista. She landed on _longshot18_ next.

_YO WTF, @seriouslykyle and @rogthetank are you seeing this?!_

> _@seriouslykyle yeah, pretty cool!_
> 
> _@rogthetank congrats, catra_
> 
> _@longshot18 jfc, am I dreaming?_
> 
> _@scorpcorp be nice, Lonnie!_
> 
> _@longshot18 I’m just saying, that dog is way too cute to be Catra’s_
> 
> _@scorpcorp I’ve met him in person, you know_
> 
> _@longshot18 DUDE_

Catra was almost smiling as she found _ArcherBow_ next. _That’s really great for you, and Melog is so cute! ^_^_

Bow _would_ use cutesy emojis. Catra’s eyes skimmed the list again, finally landing on _GlitterQueen._

_You’ve got to be kidding me_

> _@sciencetrapt no, this is all fairly serious. Scorpia and I had coffee with her (and Melog!) last night_
> 
> _@GlitterQueen WHY?_
> 
> _@sciencetrapt because Scorpia and I get coffee every Tuesday?_
> 
> _@GlitterQueen with HER?_
> 
> _@sciencetrapt no, Catra was a recent but welcome addition_

She _would_ be the one to throw a fit. Brat. Catra hit reply.

_@melog if you’ve got a problem, sparkles, you know where the unfollow button is. I’m just trying to live my life. Or is that illegal now?_

She was opening up a book to read on her phone when another notification popped up from Instagram. Hoo boy.

_@GlitterQueen you living your life SHOULD be illegal. Nice sob story, by the way. Couldn’t help but notice you left out a few key details.  
_ _@melog Seriously, fuck off. I’m not going to post every single detail on Instagram._

The reply was immediate.

> _@GlitterQueen No, just the details that make you look sympathetic, right?_
> 
> _@melog No, just the details that are mine to share. Or should I start posting every fucked up thing ALL of us did in high school? You’re not perfect either, Sparkles. Seriously, just unfollow and block me if it’s so unforgivable that I dared to continue living my life after we graduated._
> 
> _@GlitterQueen That’s not the problem, and you know it! You still don’t care about anything you messed up or anyone you hurt, do you? Typical Catra._
> 
> _@melog And Typical Glimmer starting drama on a post that was specifically meant to warn off anyone who feels the way you do. I post cute pictures of my dog. If that’s unforgivable, then go the fuck away. I didn’t trick you into being here._

She went to Glimmer’s profile and blocked her before closing the app, scrubbing furiously at her eyes.

* * *

Catra’s skin was crawling as she made her way down to the church basement. She didn’t feel any particular _need_ to drink, but sometimes AA was about more than avoiding urges. Tonight she just wanted to be around people who understood.

There were a couple familiar faces in the crowd — the city had a dozen or so AA meetings a week in different places, but the church was the most popular, which killed her sometimes. She had confirmed before going further than the front door that no one was going to try and force the good word of God on her or lecture her for daring to bring up her sexuality, but she was still nervous here. Friendly faces made it easier.

“Hey, Catra.” She winced and tried not to whimper as a large hand clapped against her back. Huntara was perfectly nice and probably the person Catra trusted most in this circle, but she didn’t know her own strength sometimes.

“Hey. Thanks for coming, I really didn’t want to do this alone.”

“Where’s Melog?”

“Home. I came straight here from work, and…” Catra hesitated, then sighed. “The furry little bastard got me into some trouble.”

Oh no. What happened?”

They got their mandatory crappy cups of coffee and sat down, Catra explaining everything that had happened in the last couple weeks.

“Yikes,” Huntara said, raising an eyebrow. “Someone’s holding a grudge.”

“I don’t blame her,” Catra muttered, sipping her coffee. “She was Adora’s best friend — still is, I assume. I just wish she’d messaged me instead of making the whole thing public.”

“Have you looked since this morning?”

“No. I turned off notifications. Besides, I blocked her. Nothing else to see.”

“You should look anyway. It’s going to drive you crazy if you don’t.”

She was right, and Catra hated that. But she got her phone out anyway, surprised to find she had a message from Bow, of all people.

_Hey, I’m sorry about Glimmer, I think she was just surprised. I mean, she could’ve handled it better, don’t get me wrong, it was just kind of surprising._

_Not that you’re not allowed to have a cute wholesome dog or anything just not what I would’ve expected from you._

There was a couple-hour break and then another message.

_Glimmer says you blocked her, which is totally fair, but I wanted to say I talked to her and she agrees that she could have handled it better. I don’t think she’s going to apologize, you know what she’s like, but she admitted that she should have kept it private._

Another two-hour break.

_I know you have a life and you’re probably working and you hate it when people send you a million messages in a row but I wanted to say I really am happy you’ve been figuring your life out. You deserve to be happy, too._

Catra stared at the messages, mouth hanging open. Not the kind of thing she would have expected to get from one of Adora’s little _besties_.

The group runner called the meeting to order, and they settled in for the same bullshit as usual. Catra let a few younger and newer people go first before Huntara nudged her to stand. She sighed, pushing herself up.

“I’m Catra,” she said with a half-hearted wave. “Um… I started drinking when I was… thirteen or fourteen? Time kind of runs together when you’re drunk six days a week and go to church on the seventh.”

She smiled hollowly as a few people chuckled. “So I pretty much spent most of high school slammed, and a week before I graduated, I ran my car into a light pole with my best friend in the front seat and my… sometimes rivalish person? in the back. Should’ve had another friend but she bailed when she realized I couldn’t see straight. Speaking of straight, I got as drunk as I did because my best friend was already drunk off her ass and kissed me and that was _really_ not allowed. Like I said, drunk six days, church on the seventh. My mother would’ve lost her damn mind if she knew.

“So I got drunk, decided to drive, and next thing I knew, I was in the hospital, and I’d missed graduation. Girl in the backseat got off the easiest because she actually put on her fucking seatbelt. My friend spent half the summer in a medically induced coma and uh… there was some permanent brain damage, I guess. I was never allowed to speak to her again. Nothing like… I mean, like I said, she’s still alive. She has a lot of memory problems now. She was supposed to go to college on a baseball scholarship and I fucked that up for her.”

She paused, taking a moment to run through the details in her head and rocking on her heels. “I don’t know what happened with her after that. I was eighteen and managed to function without too many issues so I checked myself out of the hospital, dropped all the physical therapy, and went to school halfway across the country like I was supposed to. Full-ride track scholarship. And it turns out not finishing physical therapy when you’re a runner, and fuck up your knee in a drunken car accident is really fucking stupid.”

She shook her head, running her hands through her hair. “Anyway, It took me like three more years to get my life together and way too long story short, I’ve been sober for five years.”

She sat again, still playing with the coin. Huntara gave her a small smile, which she rolled her eyes at, but returned nonetheless. She felt a little better after talking, which was usually how it worked, even if she hated every second leading up to it.

The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. A few more people told their stories, some asked for advice with one thing or another, some just vented about how hard it was to stay sober, and on, and on, and on. Catra’s eyes flicked around as everyone spoke, taking them all in, although she offered no insight of her own. That was the good thing about these meetings. She could sit in silence the whole time if she wanted. Or if Huntara would let her.

Melog was asleep on her bed when she got home. She rolled her eyes fondly, getting out her phone. “Smile, bud, your adoring audience misses you.”

His tail wagged a little, the only indication he’d even heard her. “Doofus,” she mumbled fondly as she uploaded the pictures, captioned, _Left alone all day. Partied hard with the pit bull next door_. The picture already had three likes when she finished getting ready and lied down. The first one was _Adora-ble_.

Catra stared at the name for a long moment, finger hovering over it before she quickly closed the app and put her phone aside. It was probably nothing. How had that username not stood out before? _Because you weren’t thinking ‘hey what if people from high school find me here’ obviously._

Adora-ble. It was so fucking stupid. And absolutely something she would choose.

She groaned, rolling over and pressing her face into the pillow. “Melog, we’re moving to Mexico, and I’m renaming you Pablo.” Melog grumbled in return. “Glad you like it.”

* * *

“So you built a robot to bring you snacks?”

“Uh-huh.” Entrapta beamed as the little drone hovered over her head, dropping a small bag of chips. “Isn’t she cute? Her name is Darla.”

“Very cute,” Catra agreed uncertainly. The young genius had all but begged her to help with testing a few of her more hands on mobility devices — ones that could become actual staples in someone’s lives, as opposed to her little errand bots (fetch ‘em bots, she had called them, but Catra refused to say that outloud). “Entrapta are you sure I can really help with this stuff?”

“Absolutely, you’re practically the intended demographic!” Entrapta said, digging through one of her (many) overflowing junk drawers. Catra was pretty sure the entire studio apartment was a giant fire hazard.

“I feel like there are plenty of professionals you can ask.”

“I’ve been talking to professionals for the last six months. I want opinions and suggestions from someone who would benefit from the things I build. And not too many people want to be my guinea pig.”

“Well when you put it like that…”

“It’ll be fine! Promise!”

Four words that were always said right before something went terribly wrong.

Entrapta had a surprisingly long line of different things for Catra to try. Catra was somewhat reluctant, given what she remembered of Entrapta’s experiments in high school, but nothing ran away with her or tried to rebel and take over the apartment building.

“Ooooooooooooh,” Entrapta said happily as she watched Catra carefully steady herself with one of the balance tools. “How does it feel?”

“Weird?” Catra admitted, carefully putting her weight on the weird contraption around her leg. “But okay. Better than my regular balance. Kind of a bad angle for my knee, though.”

“That’s something I was worried about. This particular position was the one most recommended by physical therapists, but obviously individual people are different. I wonder if I could adjust for angles as well as height…”

She scribbled down a few notes with a type of attention that Catra couldn’t remember ever seeing.

“Hey, where’d you get the idea for doing all this, anyway?” Entrapta’s biggest weakness had always been her inability to focus on things. She had described it once as her brain moving too fast, and not being able to keep one idea in mind.

“Oh, from you. I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re the target demographic.” Catra blinked a few times, tilting her head. “Scorpia told me she visited you a couple times while you were doing physical therapy, and she wasn’t very good with the details, but it all sounded… really bad, so that kind of got me started down the route of making physical therapy easier for people. And, you know, obviously everyone in town heard when you lost your track scholarship—” Ah, Entrapta. She never pulled punches, Catra thought sourly, “and that got me researching more into long-term mobility issues and exploring new ways of making them easier. And it’s not even new stuff, either. A lot of existing things, like wheelchairs, aren’t always equipped for what people need. I kind of made a small business out of refurbing people’s chairs because they couldn’t afford something more suited for them.”

“Damn, ‘Trapta. That’s… impressive.”

“Thanks! And if you ever need a wheelchair, I can probably custom build you one cheaper than you could buy.”

Of course she could. “Let’s not give up on my knee just yet, thanks.”

“Oh, definitely not. Although it’s kind of a miracle it’s still holding out so well considering everything you did. You’re really lucky.”

“Yeah. Trust me, I know.” Catra rubbed the back of her head, sighing. “Hey… Entrapta?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you um… do you still talk to Adora?”

“Sure do!” Catra’s heart jumped slightly. “She’s been helping me with an app series I’m building for people with cognitive issues.”

“Wow that’s… really cool.”

“I thought so too. Everyone has a smart phone, why _shouldn’t_ they use them to make their lives easier?”

She thought Catra was talking about the app. Which she was, to be fair. But it interested her less than… well, Adora.

“...Well, you’ll see her soon—”

Entrapta was talking. Catra had barely noticed. “Wait, _what_?”

“Huh?” Entrapta refocused on Catra. “Oh, Adora should be here soon — well, she was supposed to be here five minutes ago, so she’ll _probably_ be here in twenty. I’m sorry, I meant to tell you when you got here, but I was really excite—”

“I gotta go,” Catra said, grabbing her jacket. Thankfully, it was a low-pain day, and Entrapta lived on the first floor of her building.

“Did I make a mistake?” Entrapta asked.

“No, no,” Catra assured her distractedly. “I did. Eight years ago. This was all really cool though, let me know if you want any more help, okay? I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” Entrapta said slowly. “I appreciate the input.”

“Yup, totally, any time.”

Catra’s heart rate didn’t slow down until she was on the bus and heading back to her apartment. Part of her wished she had Melog now, but she’d had a feeling he wouldn’t like all the robots and things Entrapta was sure to have crawling around anywhere she lived. Her hands were shaking as she pressed herself back against the seat, taking a few deep breaths. That… had been too close.

 _Can’t believe you just ran away. You coward_.

She sighed, pressing her hands to her face. The last month had been such a whirlwind, and most of it was good, but _god_ … she was never going to be ready to face Adora.

_“Ssssshhhhh sh sh sh sh.”_

_Adora was giggling as she pulled Catra into the corner. “I’m not_ talking, _you dork.” Catra shoved her face away, laughing. “You’re so drunk.”_

 _“_ You’re _drunk,_ ” _Adora teased, pushing Catra back._

_“Nuh uh. Too early for that.” Catra looked around, frowning. “Adora, why are we in the corner?”_

_“Oh. Well, um…”_

_The blonde shrugged, smiling that stupid, dumb, naive smile. Catra was so distracted by how cute it was, and then by how confused she was by that feeling, that she didn’t notice Adora’s hand cupping the back of her neck._

_“I just, ya know, I was thinking maybe…”_

_And then they were kissing, and it was every bit as stupid and clumsy and drunk as the two of them were, and it was the best Catra had felt in so, so long_ …

At least her last clear memory of Adora was a good one, Catra thought miserably as she shrunk down in her seat. Everything after that was a blur of mixing alcohols that really shouldn’t be mixed, vaguely arguing with Scorpia as she tried to find her keys, and then nothing until the hospital, her mother hovering over her like the angel of death.

Catra was exhausted by the time she finally got to her apartment. She went straight to her room, dropping into her bed and curling up tight.

* * *

“Tea, dearie?”

“No, Razz,” Catra said patiently, watching her eccentric therapist shuffle around the room. The old lady was erratic and weird as all fuck, but Catra still liked her better than the first two therapists Netossa and Spinnerella had helped her find. And certainly better than the one her mother had sent her to, not that it was hard to clear _that_ particular bar.

“Oh, right, you’d rather drink coffee.” Razz sighed. “Very well.” She settled across from Catra, sipping her own tea while the young woman got her thoughts together. “The fog is thick today.”

“Yeah.” Catra scrubbed her eyes. “I’ve been catching up with some high school friends, and it’s been… a lot, I guess.”

“Oh?”

Catra went through the story, stopping to look at her phone a couple times and show Razz the comment threads (rather than trying to explain for the eightieth time how social media worked). Melog sat at her feet, munching on one of Razz’ homemade dog treats.

“I see.” Catra bit back the usual _do you really_ comment that she always wanted to make whenever Razz said that. Those glasses of hers were so big, Catra was amazed she didn’t _see_ atoms. “Have you enjoyed reconnecting with your old friends?”

“Yeah I… I kind of have,” Catra admitted. “It’s been so long, I kind of forgot what it was like to have a social circle. And they’re people who knew me at my worst and don’t hate me for it. I don’t feel like I have to hide as much with them.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

Razz raised an eyebrow. “But…?” She coaxed, gently nudging her patient along. Catra sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I do know. I… I forgot how much I miss Adora.”

“Ah, yes, the special one.” Razz had a habit of assigning flighty terms and phrases to things. It was stupid, but it also helped, and Catra hated that. “You haven’t spoken to her?”

“No.” Catra scoffed. “God. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Uh… because I almost killed her?” Catra raised an eyebrow. She knew Razz didn’t always have a stellar memory, but this was something pretty big to forget.

“You hurt her,” Razz corrected her gently. “You hurt her, just as you hurt yourself. But you still can’t forgive yourself, can you?”

“No,” Catra muttered, sliding down in her seat and pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes. “I just… I was getting used to my life the way it was, you know? No social life, once a month dinners with Netossa and Spinnerella, and now… things are changing.”

“And you’re scared.”

“A little. I can’t face her, Razz. I screwed up her entire life.”

“You can’t face her even to apologize?”

“No. I can’t apologize without making it about me. I’m a selfish bitch.”

“Ah!” Razz raised a finger and grabbed a jar from her table, holding it out. Catra sighed, digging out some of the extra pocket change she kept in her bag. Her therapist _would_ have a fucking swear jar. “What makes you think you’re selfish?”

“My entire life up to literally this second?” Catra shrugged miserably. “All I’ve ever done is hurt people.”

“I’m sure the friends you’ve reconnected with would say otherwise.”

“Entrapta and Scorpia are weird.”

“Or perhaps you’re more deserving of forgiveness than you believe.”

Catra scoffed, sighing. Sessions with Razz were a bit of a mixed bag sometimes. “Don’t you make that noise at me. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“I’ve already had a second chance. And a third. And a fourth.”

“And if someone gives you a fifth, you take it. It’s not up to _you_ to decide when _they’re_ done trying. You can’t control other people.”

Catra scowled at her, ducking her head. “Yeah, yeah,” she muttered. “I can only control myself and how I handle a situation. I know.”

And if she was honest? She couldn’t even control herself sometimes.

She spent most of the bus ride home staring at the username _Adora-ble_ on her follower list. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe she was panicking for nothing. She should just look and get it over with. She should look and…

Nope. She couldn’t. She turned up her music and locked her phone, resting her forehead against the window until her stop came.

* * *

Sometimes, Catra googled all the ways her medication reacted poorly with alcohol.

It was one of the big things that stopped her from drinking when she was feeling particularly terrible — no matter how bad it was, she didn’t want to die. And when she did, she made herself call Spinnerella and Netossa.

She just needed the reminder for why it was a bad idea to tempt fate.

Melog was lying on the bed with her as she pecked away on her laptop, head resting against the dog’s flank. For all she joked about him being a useless lump of fur, he did his job really well.

Her dreams that night were haunted by images of twisted metal, the repeated _crash_ of the car slamming into the light pole. She watched from outside herself as Lonnie, barely safe in the backseat, fumbled with her phone to try and call for help. She watched her own, shaking body, then looked at the blonde in the passenger’s seat.

“Ador—”

“Ah!”

She shot up in bed, chest heaving. Melog was half on top of her, trying to help her stay grounded. “I’m good,” she gasped, petting him with a shaking hand. “I’m fine, bud. I’m fine.”

She was shaking, clothes drenched in cold sweat. Melog pressed against her, forcing her to lie down, and settled on her chest. He was about forty pounds, and _heavy_ , but the weight felt good. It felt grounding. Catra took a deep breath, closing her eyes and patting his head.

“Good boy.”

* * *

“So, Frosta’s probably leaving soon, huh?”

Ice flooded Catra’s body.

“I’m not sure,” Netossa admitted, looking up from her book. Sunday dinner was running a little late — Frosta still wasn’t back from her supervised visit with her father. “Her dad’s trying to get his shit together, but it’s hard. The social worker is keeping a close eye on things, though. He’s working hard.”

“Hmph,” Catra muttered, looking back at her phone. “Do you really think he deserves another chance?”

“That’s not up to me. This is between Frosta and her dad.”

“I _guess_ …”

Catra’s voice drifted off as the doorbell rang. Netossa stood to get it, smiling when a little blue blur drafted passed her. “Get ready for dinner!”

“Okay!” Frosta called over her shoulder. Catra heard a couple of low voices speaking at the door, then it closed.

“...completely understand where he’s coming from. Oh, that’s Spinny’s sister, you can ignore—”

“Catra?”

She was shaking suddenly, eyes wide, air burning cold in her lungs. A couple lifetimes passed in several seconds, her fingers tightening around her phone as she forced herself to look up and meet that stunned, beautiful blue gaze.

“H-Hey… Adora.”

She bolted into the bathroom without another word.


	2. Nothing back there for you to find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And how's Adora been all this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all really.... blew me away with the response to the last chapter, man. I'd apologize for the cliffhanger, but um.....
> 
> Well, enjoy!

Adora had known it was Catra behind the account.

It had taken her an embarrassingly long time to figure it out; in her defense, it was just cute dog pictures. It was at least a month before Adora caught Catra’s name in one of the captions, which had led to her spending four hours going through the profile over and over, looking for a picture of the human behind the account. But there were no old ones, and Adora didn’t pay enough attention to catch any that might have been posted until Catra posted to let people know who she was. Clearly no one else had figured it out, which made Adora feel a little better.

 _She’s still so cute_.

Adora had blushed and shoved her phone under her pillow, tugging the covers up to hide her face. She woke up the next morning to hear Glimmer muttering to herself as she walked by Adora’s open door.

“ _ _Got__ to be freaking kidding.”

“What’s up?” Adora asked, yawning and sitting up. Glimmer looked up; her guilty expression was lit up by her phone, casting odd shadows.

“Nothing!”

Adora frowned, but let it go, getting up to get ready.

“Bow, you’re burning the bacon,” she complained as she stepped into the kitchen. Bow was at the stove, staring at his own phone. “Seen Instagram?”

He looked up, and quickly turned off the oven before setting his phone aside. “Yeah. You saw it too?”

“Oh, good, I’m glad we’re all up to speed,” Glimmer huffed as she stormed out of the bedroom, dropping her bag near the table. “I can’t believe her.”

“I can’t believe __you__ ,” Bow said, raising an eyebrow. “Did you __have__ to go and say something on the post?”

“All I did was point out that she forgot a few things! She’s the one who turned it into something.”

Adora and Bow sighed. They knew Glimmer meant well — she was extremely protective, especially of Adora. But her short temper was hell sometimes.

“I think it’s great,” the blonde said, putting her phone aside to focus on eating.

“You do?” Glimmer asked doubtfully.

“Yes.”

“It would be okay if you didn’t,” Bow said with a small, sympathetic smile. Adora looked between them. “I mean, since you know it’s her now, if you wanted to… maybe talk to her—”

“I’ve known it’s her for awhile,” Adora muttered, shoulders hunching up. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Her tone put an end to the conversation.

The next few weeks went mostly as normal. Adora found herself much more aware of Catra’s Instagram — her __dog’s__ Instagram. The thought made Adora smile slightly. But she tried not to dwell too much on that. She had a job to do, after all. A life to live. And it wasn’t like Catra didn’t know how to reach her. Her screenname wasn’t even that subtle. Catra would see through it in a heartbeat.

She didn’t want to talk. That was fine. Really.

Adora could pretend it was fine.

* * *

“Do I __have__ to go back to my dad?”

Adora looked down at the girl in her passenger’s seat. Frosta was staring out the window, watching the scenery fly by with disinterest.

“Do you not want to?”

Frosta shrugged. “I like Spinnerella and Netossa. Do they not want to keep me?”

Frosta was the third kid Adora had fostered with Netossa and Spinnerella. Those women would have kept every kid who went through their house if they could.

“You’d have to talk to them about that,” she said quietly. “Are you still mad at your father?”

The girl was nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. He just __left__ me. Who does that?”

Adora sighed, patting Frosta’s shoulder. “He’s trying.”

“Hmph.”

Frosta lightened up when they get back to the couple’s house. She was practically bouncing as they waited for the door to open, then she shoved passed Netossa.

“Get ready for dinner!” Netossa called over her shoulder.

“Okay!”

Adora smiled, watching her go, then looking back at Netossa. “Hey, if it’s not too much trouble, her dad kind of wants a picture of her room. You know, make sure she’s being taken care of—”

“Yeah, of course, completely understand where he’s coming from.” Netossa led Adora inside. “Oh, that’s Spinny’s sister, you can ignore—”

Adora stopped dead, staring at the figure sprawled out on the couch. __No__.

“Catra?”

She didn’t mean for her voice to come out so small. No. This was impossible. There was no way that was __her Catra__ , wearing red flannel, wild hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, mismatched eyes fixed on her phone. Her flying fingers froze when she realized she recognized the voice. She blinked a few times, slowly raising her head. There was something so profoundly wonderful and sad about looking her in the eye for the first time in so long. It felt like coming home.

“H-Hey… Adora.”

And then she ran. Adora vaguely heard the sound of a door slamming shut before everything went quiet. Spinnerella peeked out of the kitchen.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not… __oh__.” Netossa whipped around to stare at Adora, wide-eyed. “You’re… You’re Adora.”

Spinnerella tilted her head for a moment, bewildered, before the pieces fell into place for her as well. “Oh my god. __No__.” She paused, then looked around. “Where—”

“Bathroom.” Netossa turned back to Adora as Spinnerella hurried away. “Why don’t we go see Frosta’s room?”

“Oh… yeah, right.”

It felt so stupid, going upstairs to get a picture of a guest room when her friend — her __best friend__ , the person who had been everything to her for so long — was less than a hundred feet away. They met Frosta on their way upstairs.

“What’s going on?”

“Your dad wants to make sure we’re not making you sleep in a box. Can you feed Melog?”

“Sure. Melooooooog!”

Adora took her picture, staring at her phone for a moment longer than was necessary to try and collect herself. “If you want,” Netossa started slowly, “I can give Catra a message from you or something? I’m sure you want to get home, and Spinny’s probably going to be talking her down for a bit…”

 _No, I’ll stay. I’ll stay all night. It’s fine. I want to see her_.

But Adora could tell there was something else under Netossa’s words. Protectiveness. Adora staying wasn’t an option.

“That… That’d be great, yeah.”

Netossa gave her a piece of paper and a pen, and she scrawled a quick message before stumbling out of the house, feeling lightheaded. Catra was __here__. Catra was here, and all Adora wanted to do was run back inside, gather her up, and hug her until all of the anxiety went away.

Instead, she climbed into the car, waiting for her trembling fingers to still before she drove away.

* * *

Catra’s shaking hands were clutching the sink, nails scratching against it, when she realized she couldn’t feel anything. She had gone numb. There was a sharp pain in her chest with every breath she tried to take. Wait, wasn’t this how heart attacks started? Oh god, she was going to die, she was going to die and—

“Easy, sweetheart.” A soft hand rested on hers, gentle voice trying to sooth her. “It’s okay. Can you focus on me?”

She shook her head, coughing. “Can’t breathe.” It was an obvious strain to say the words. “Dying.”

“You’re not dying,” Spinnerella said softly, but firmly. “Come on, come here.” She gently pried Catra’s fingers away from the sink and tugged her back, lowering her to the floor. She knelt in front of her, rubbing her hands up and down Catra’s arms. “I know you know how to do this. Breathe with me.”

Catra tried once, twice — it didn’t work. She shook her head again. “Try one more time. Please?”

She didn’t want to, but it was impossible to say no to that voice. Once, twice, finally the third attempt resulted in a ragged, short breath. Spinnerella patted her back gently as she started coughing. “There we go.” Spinnerella smiled, tugging her into a gentle hug. Catra sniffed, clinging to her and burying her face in her shoulder. “So that was… a bit of a shock, wasn’t it?”

Catra would have laughed if she wasn’t suddenly so freaking tired. Spinnerella brushed her hair back gently. “Eat something and stay here tonight. Netossa can take you home in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Catra mumbled, scrubbing her eyes. “Okay.”

She wasn’t really hungry, but she knew that wouldn’t fly. So she allowed herself to be steered to the table and sat in her usual spot. There was a folded up piece of paper next to her plate. She unfolded it uncertainly, her heart jumping when she saw the familiar handwriting.

_Catra—_

_If you don’t want to talk to me, I’ll understand. But call me, if you want. Please._

_—A_

Her phone number was scribbled underneath the short message. Catra stared at it for a moment, tears filling her eyes, before she quickly tucked the note away and tried to focus on food.

* * *

Maybe it was the shock and stress from the day before, or maybe fate was a bastard, but Adora awoke far too early the next day with a throbbing pain in her head. She groaned, burying her face under her pillow.

“Bow? Glimmer?”

She heard footsteps, and then her door opened. “Migraine?” Bow guessed. Adora raised a hand in reply. They had a protocol for this. Bow would email Adora’s boss (from her account) to let them know Adora was out for the day, while Glimmer got aspirin, water, and juice all gathered up to put on Adora’s nightstand. She clipped the curtains together and tacked them into the wall to make sure absolutely no light got in.

“We’ve still got a few hours before we have to leave for work,” Bow said, rubbing Adora’s back. “Let us know if you need anything. I can ask one of my dads to stop by and check on you, if you want.”

“S’fine,” Adora mumbled blearily. “But thanks.”

She listened to her friends quietly retreat, then closed her eyes, letting out a long breath. Sleep and time were really the only thing that helped.

In her more bitter, painful moments, she was still angry at Catra. She got to skip off and leave everything behind while Adora tried to learn how to live with a brain that was permanently damaged. It had never occurred to her that Catra might’ve had her own long-term injuries to deal with.

_It’s not like she stuck around to_

tell _ _me, either.__

Adora buried the thought, settling into bed. It wasn’t worth thinking about. She just needed to sleep now.

* * *

Glimmer and Bow were off on a date night, giving Adora a rare night to herself. She had settled in with a bowl of popcorn and a list of terrible horror movies to watch, and was just getting started on the first one when her phone rang. She reached for it eagerly, then stopped and took a moment to collect herself. It had been five days, and Catra hadn’t called. Not entirely surprising — Catra hated confrontation, or anything she deemed “too much” to deal with. But Adora was on edge, and she needed to be calm in case it was a work emergency.

She picked up and said, very professionally, “Hello?”

A long moment of silence followed before a slightly hoarse voice said, “ _ _Um… hey Adora__.”

It was amazing how two words could change her entire life. “Hey,” she breathed, trying to bite down a laugh. “Um, hi!”

Catra laughed. It was such a warm sound. “ _ _God you’re still an idiot.__ ”

“And you’re still a jerk.”

And for a moment, it was like they were still in high school, tucked under their blankets and trying not to be too loud as they exchanged late-night secrets like they wouldn’t see other in the morning.

“ _ _I’m sorry it took me so long to call. I spent a few nights at Spinnerella’s and Netossa’s and getting privacy there is impossible, then I ended up busy last night and didn’t get home until midnight…__ ” Adora could practically see her slumping and rolling her eyes as she sighed dramatically.

“Wow, sounds like someone has a life.”

“ _ _It’s weird, right?__ ”

“A little.” __Since I thought I’d always be a part of whatever life you had__. Adora tried not to dwell on that too much. And she knew bringing it up wouldn’t do any good. But sometimes she couldn’t control her thoughts. “Before we go too far, I __really__ have to ask — how do you __know__ Spinnerella and Netossa?”

“ _ _Uh… they were a year above me in college. Kind of, um… metthematpridemeetings__.”

Adora blinked a few times, running the jumble of words through her head again, and again, and again. “...Pride? __You__ went to Pride meetings?”

“ _ _Shut up__ ,” Catra grumbled.

“I’m not judging! I just…” __Ugh, come on Adora, think! Use your words!__

“ _ _I can hear your brain trying to work__ ,” Catra teased. “ _ _Just ask what you want to ask__.”

“You could just answer since you know what I want to ask,” Adora grumbled. “But you like watching me suffer. __Fine__.” She paused, then smirked. “I don’t even need to ask, actually. You were wearing __flannel__ on Sunday.”

And she’d looked damn cute in it, too. Catra groaned, presumably rolling her eyes again. “ _ _Fiiiiiine, yes, yes, yes. I’m gay, is that what you want to hear?__ ”

 _Pretty much all I’ve wanted to hear since we were thirteen_. “I deserve I told you so rights.” She hesitated for a moment before gently asking, “Does um… does your mom know?”

“ _ _Oh yeah. She knows. Turns out it’s hard to keep a secret once you’ve mixed too many liquors.__ ”

“Oh no.”

“ _ _Yup. Woke up hungover as fuck and with an hour-long voicemail about… I mean, you know her__.”

Yes. Yes she did. And it still pissed her off. “Guessing you don’t really talk to her much these days?”

“ _ _She calls every now and then to remind me I’m a failure.__ ”

Adora rolled her eyes. She __hated__ Catra’s mother so much. “Of course she does.”

Catra was quiet for a moment. “ _ _Come on, if I want to talk about myself, I have a therapist for that. What’s up with you?__ ”

“Nothing, really.” Adora smiled, curling into the couch. “Moved to Bright Moon last year with Glimmer and Bow, got my job…”

“ _ _Yeah, working with__ kids _ _. How’d that happen?__ ”

“I got really into psychology in college and ended up going down the child psychology path.” Adora shrugged. “It felt… I dunno. __Right__. I want to go back to school eventually, but I needed a break. Too much sitting around all day.”

“ _ _Yeah, you’ve never done well with that,__ ” Catra teased. __“Remember that all day testing bullshit we had in tenth grade?__ ”

Adora groaned loudly. “ _ _Yes__ , oh my god. That was the __worst__.”

They had spent __all day__ taking tests with nothing but a half-hour lunch break and ten-minute breaks between tests. Catra had to drag Adora outside during the lunch break and race her around the track to help her run some energy off. They’d spent three hours __after__ school doing the exact same thing. Catra had always been far too patient with Adora and her neverending reservoirs of energy.

“ _ _Bet you’re still the slowest person alive__.”

“Rude!” Adora huffed, although to be fair, she was probably right. Not that Adora didn’t stay in shape, but they had always been built for two different sports.

The mention of running reminds her of something, though. “So… your knee…?”

Catra sighed. “ _ _Yeah, so that’s a whole fucked up thing. I ditched PT early and just went to school and completely fucked it up during one of my first practices — didn’t even make it to the first meet. It was pathetic. Managed to ride out another year and a half doing PT and just hoping I’d recover, but… damage was done, I guess.__ ”

“I’m sorry.”

And she was. Running had been important to Catra. She always said it was the one thing she was good at, which wasn’t true at all, but Adora knew how much it meant to her to be good at it. To feel important in this one aspect of life. Having it taken away must have been hard.

Catra snorted. It was a very bitter sound. “ _ _You’re sorry?__ You’re __sorry? Adora, please spare me the martyr complex for like, five minutes, please.__ ”

Adora frowned, raising an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“ _ _You know damn well what it__ —” She cut off abruptly. Adora could hear her taking a few deep breaths. “ _ _Maybe this was a bad idea__ ,” she muttered finally. Adora’s heart dropped to her toes.

“What? No, of course it’s not. Please…” Adora had to struggle to keep her voice from breaking at the end. “I missed you, Catra.”

There was a long silence. Adora had to check and make sure Catra hadn’t hung up. “ _ _I missed you too__ ,” she finally said softly. “ _ _I’m sorry.__ ”

“Don’t be. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot.”

“ _ _You’re still too forgiving__.” Catra was definitely rolling her eyes now. Adora smiled.

“Only because you don’t forgive yourself enough.”

* * *

“Catra?”

Catra looked up from her computer, tilting her head when she saw her boss. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Castaspella smiled serenely, which almost always meant she was about to propose something insane. “We’ve got a potential new client. How would you feel about taking the lead on it?”

“Wha — me?”

“Yes, you. You’re the only Catra who works here, aren’t you?” She was one of only about ten people who worked there, period. It had been a startup when she had first been hired, but business was steadily growing.

“Yeah, I mean… are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” Casta looked around, then leaned in closer. “Full disclosure, it’s my sister-in-law. I really just want to show her up. And you’re the best I have.”

Catra laughed before she could stop herself. “Am I getting caught up in a family feud?”

“Nah, not at all. No. Definitely not. No. Meeting room at noon.”

“Yes ma’am.”

It was the first time Catra had been picked to lead on a new client. She was excited. It was also the first time she’d felt truly good about something in a long time.

That probably had nothing to do with talking to Adora a couple days ago. Definitely not.

Unfortunately, she had to hobble to the meeting room with her cane supporting most of her weight (a __very__ classy and professional cane with a cat pattern, courtesy of Netossa and Spinnerella), but she figured if she got there early she could settle in with no one being the wiser…

Of course, there were voices in the meeting room. Catra sighed. Casta had said they were family. They must have come early. __Here goes nothing, then__.

She raised a hand and knocked on the door.

“It’s open!” Casta called cheerfully. Catra shifted to open the door, hooking her bag more securely on her other shoulder as she stepped in…

And froze.

No.

No fucking way.

“Ah, good! Angie, Glimmer, this is—”

“ _ _Catra__.” The word was said through Glimmer’s gritted teeth. Casta blinked, surprised.

“You uh… know each other?”

Angella watched Catra with an unreadable expression. “They went to high school together,” she told Casta after a moment.

“Oh. Well, that’s a bit awkward, I suppose. But Catra’s one of the best web designers I have—”

“Has she told you about her criminal record?” Glimmer asked coldly. Catra’s fingers clenched around her cane.

“Yes,” Casta said simply. “Including the car accident. But people change, and she’s __good__ at what she does.”

“ _ _She’s__ the reason Adora is—!”

“Glimmer,” Angella said quietly. “That’s enough. Casta has vouched for her skills, and that’s what’s important. This is part of business.”

“Yeah, dealing with people who almost killed your best friend is definitely business,” Glimmer muttered. Casta ignored her.

“Catra, sit, please. I’m not going to be the reason you can’t walk for three days.”

Catra nodded stiffly and sat; she stretched her leg under the table and folded the cane, hiding it in her bag. She’d be damned if she was going to show any weakness in front of Sparkles. She pulled out her laptop, opening it wordlessly and preparing to take notes. “Great.” Casta clapped her hands together, pleased. “Now, you want to hire us to revamp your website?”

“I’ve been informed it’s rather out of date,” Angella said dryly. Catra looked up to ask what the URL was, but Casta was already sliding a card her way. She checked the site quickly, and bit back a wince. Had this been made in the __nineties__?

“ _ _I’ve__ been telling you that for ages. Catra, your opinion?”

“It uh… it could definitely use some work.” She got out her notebook and pen to begin scribbling down different suggestions. “The sidebar… can I speak freely?”

“Of course,” Casta said.

“The sidebar looks like it was made by a twelve year old. The photos are… um…”

“My husband took them.” Angella sighed. “We’re all aware he’s not a professional photographer.”

“Yeah. Color scheme needs some work.” She clicked on the about page and did her best not to wince. “Fonts are all completely out of date. You might want to update your employee headshots and definitely get a professional. Or at least get a professional camera and someone good with photoshop.” She opened the source code, and bit down a sigh. “Whoever coded this cheated you.”

Casta was beaming. “See, if you had listened to me six months ago I would have done it for free. But I have employees to pay now, so…”

“Yes, yes Casta. Rub it in.”

“You don’t have any employees with less felonies?” Glimmer asked bitterly.

“ _ _Actually__ , my record was cleared when I finished probation five years ago,” Catra bit out. “I don’t even have to disclose it if I choose not to.”

“How convenient.”

It was a tense meeting. Catra kept her head down, fiddling with different codes and layout ideas, scribbling a note for Casta every now and again.

“Glimmer, wait in the car for me,” Angella said when the meeting was over. “I’d like to talk to Casta.”

Glimmer nodded silently, standing and walking out of the room. Catra sighed inwardly. She had wanted to leave after Angella and Glimmer left to spare herself the humiliation of hobbling around in front of them like an invalid, but she wasn’t that lucky. She caught Angella looking at her, and tried not to grimace.

_“I just want to see her.”_

_Yes, she knew Adora was barely awake. Yes, she knew she was stuck in this stupid fucking wheelchair that was impossible to get around in. Yes she knew she was half sick from withdrawal. But she just wanted to see Adora._

_Which involved getting passed her self-appointed bodyguard._

_“Just go away, Catra,” Glimmer snapped, arms folded. “Haven’t you done enough damage?”_

_“Fuck you,” Catra growled, well aware of the stoic woman standing behind Glimmer, silently backing her up. “You’re not personally in charge of picking Adora’s friends for her, you controlling little—”_

_Glimmer shoved Catra’s wheelchair, sending her crashing back into the wall. “Glimmer!” She barely heard the woman scolding Glimmer over the ringing in her ears…_

“Catra?”

She shook herself out of the past, looking at Casta. “Sorry, sorry,” she muttered, packing her laptop. “I’ll just get to work on this…”

Her knee hurt like a bitch. She refused to acknowledge it as she walked out, a slight furrow in her eyebrows the only indication that anything might have been wrong.

* * *

“I can’t __believe__ my mother!”

That wasn’t an uncommon way for Glimmer to walk into the apartment. “Hi Glimmer, our days were great, how was yours?” Bow said patiently. Glimmer threw herself onto the couch, huffing.

“Mom finally agreed to let Aunt Casta’s company redesign her stupid stupid website, and you know who’s working there? Catra!” Glimmer threw her hands in the air. “Aunt Casta has freaking __Catra__ working for her, and working on my __mother’s__ website!”

Adora and Bow exchanged looks. “Glimmer… you know Catra __is__ allowed to live, right? I know you don’t __like__ her, but…”

“Fine, she’s allowed to live! But does she have to do it __here__? Why couldn’t she just move across the country or something?!”

And this was why Adora hadn’t told Glimmer or Bow that she had spoken with Catra. Because Glimmer would throw an everloving fit. She __hated__ Catra.

“I don’t need you to be mad on my behalf, you know,” Adora pointed out, frowning lightly. “If she’s living her life and happy, then good for her.”

“Did…” Bow hesitated, the corners of his lips twitching. “Did she have her dog?”

Glimmer rolled her eyes. “ _ _No__ , Bow.”

* * *

It wasn’t often the pain was bad enough to keep Catra from going to work. The world had to be ending for her to even consider staying home.

The world had descended into a fiery hell today, apparently.

Catra had already called her boss, speaking in pained, clipped statements, and promising she would log in later to check on things if she felt better. Casta was understanding of course, and told her to take the day and relax. She really was a good person. One more thing Catra didn’t particularly deserve.

She hadn’t moved from her bed once. Melog had been kind enough to fetch the heating pad for her, and she was able to reach a plug from where she was lying down. She had painkillers and an emergency water bottle in her bedside table drawer for this exact occasion. Really, she was content to just lie there until her body demanded movement. She had been jolted awake by the first shock of pain around three a.m., and hadn’t managed to fall back to sleep since. What was worse, the pain seemed to be expanding, trying to encompass the __rest__ of her leg — it was possible the arthritis would spread, the doctor had warned her. But she’d thought she could make it to at least thirty before she had to worry about that.

_Jesus fuck, can I get a break already?_

Melog gently nudged her leg, sensing the spiral of thoughts. He was annoyingly attuned to Catra’s emotions. Probably a good thing, since he was an emotional support dog. But also highly frustrating when Catra just wanted to mope and feel sorry for herself.

Her phone buzzed, shaking her back to reality completely. She sighed, reaching for it, and almost smiled when she saw a text from Adora.

_I’m getting coffee with Entrapta, wanna join? She said something about you helping her with some stuff._

_I can’t keep up with her. You know what it’s like_.

They hadn’t seen each other in person since that first night at Spinnerella’s and Netossa’s. Some part of Catra was happy to keep it that way. She needed that distance to stay sane.

_That would involve me leaving bed, which is absolutely not happening today._

_What’s wrong?_

_You know how people with joint problems can feel weather changes and stuff?_

_There’s a fucking thunder storm coming._

There. Saying she was in a shit ton of pain without actually saying it. Perfect.

 _Aw :( Do you need anything? I’ve got the afternoon off unless there’s an emergency or something_.

 _No, I’m good, I’ve got a dog who knows how to open doors, a heating pad, and Netflix. All the makings of a good weekend_.

Adora didn’t answer again, and Catra kind of forgot about the conversation, lost in a sleepy haze of pain as she put on whatever real-life documentary Netflix had recommended. It was just ending when someone knocked on the door, and Catra groaned.

“There are __rules__ ,” she grumbled. Everyone knew to text her before they came over. “Melog, go chase ‘em away.”

She couldn’t even imagine who would be here. Netossa and Spinnerella were both still at work. Scorpia, maybe?

Melog barked; Catra’s heart jumped. He never barked. Not unless something was really wrong. She threw herself off the bed, doing her best to limp at a quick pace and peek out her bedroom door.

“Melog, what—”

 _Oh_. She froze for a moment, staring at the blonde haired woman at her front door. “I come in peace, really. I brought cookies! Wait, can dogs eat cookies?”

Catra shook her head quickly. “Melog, __down__.” She snapped her fingers, pointing to the floor when she got the dog’s attention. He slunk behind her, settling into a sit.

“You weren’t kidding about the opening doors thing, huh?” Adora laughed weakly. “Sorry, I guess I should’ve asked, I just… knew you’d say no.”

“At least you’re honest,” Catra muttered. “Come in before my neighbors complain about a weirdo hanging out in the hall. Also, how did you get my address?”

“Oh, right!” She stepped in quickly, closing the door. “Perfuma asked Scorpia for me. Not gonna lie, I kind of fell out of touch with her for a couple years until Entrapta found me on Facebook. I forgot how much fun she is. Oh, I brought cookies. And coffee.”

Catra eyed the cup with undisguised longing. “Ugh, fine. The only thing I’ve had to drink today is water.”

Adora snorted as she kicked her shoes off. “I’ve known you for over twenty years and I’ve never seen you drink anything without carbonation. Since when do you drink __water__?”

“Since it’s supposed to be part of a healthy lifestyle and all that crap.” Catra yawned, turning off her bedroom light and making her way to the couch, hoping she didn’t look __too__ pathetic without the cane or Melog helping her. Given the look on Adora’s face, she’d guess no. “Also it’s easy to keep near the bed when I can’t move. So how’d __you__ get the day off? Aren’t you supposed to be Superwoman or something?”

“Funny.” Adora joined her on the couch, handing over the coffee. Catra drained half of it in one sip, not at all caring about her burning throat. “I got called into an emergency last night and there was nothing super important on my schedule for the day so my boss said to just take it off.”

She grabbed a cookie out of the bag, then handed it to Catra, who took her own treat. Melog tucked himself under Catra’s leg, propping it up, and she sighed a little, hating that it made her feel just a little better and that he __knew__ it made her feel better. “Emergency, huh?”

“Yeah, I think it was in the news this morning. Parents were arguing, husband pulled a gun on his wife, etc.” Adora shrugged, pulling at her ponytail. “Two kids are with foster parents now. I wish Netossa and Spinnerella had been free, they’re __amazing__ with kids who’ve been through shit.”

“They practiced on me for years before they started fostering kids.”

“That explains __so__ much, honestly.”

Catra kicked Adora’s shin. “You’re __hilarious__.”

“I’m aware.” Adora grinned, puffing out her chest. Same ego, then. “So… what’re you doing for work these days?”

“Please. There is absolutely no way in hell Sparkles didn’t tell you about that meeting.”

“Well… okay yeah.” Adora’s chest deflated. “When did you get into web design? No offense, but that’s something I’d expect from like, Kyle.”

“Offense __completely__ taken. You’re comparing me to __Kyle__?” That got Catra a raised eyebrow. “Okay, okay. I ended up in a design class with Netossa after my life imploded, and she noticed I was good at things like remembering stupid codes and building functional platforms, so she bullied me into taking a few more classes and I realized I liked it. I still didn’t have a major, and I’d already blown through all my gen ed requirements. So I took an extra year and loaded up on all the classes I needed.”

“You are literally the only person I know who could get through three years of college and not declare a major.”

“Yeah, my adviser almost ripped his hair out. I think he retired after I graduated. Not sure if it was related or not.”

“Something tells me it was.”

“Probably. I think me declaring a major was the crowning achievement of his career.”

They laughed, and Catra felt something warm blossoming in her chest. It had been so long since she had been this at ease with someone. “What’s it like working with Casta? Just, as a person. She’s kind of weird, isn’t she?”

“She’s completely nuts. It’s a small company, there are only eight other people, and she knits things for us for our birthdays and holidays. I don’t even know how she gets our sizes, but we’ve all gotten at least one sweater from her.”

“She has an Etsy shop.”

“ _ _What__?”

Catra lurched off the couch, staggering slightly. “Careful!” Adora protested, but Catra waved her off. She managed to make it to her bedroom and grab the laptop, but there was no way she was getting back to the couch. It was tempting to just call Adora into the room, but… she couldn’t avoid it forever.

“Okay, don’t laugh at me,” she called.

“Why in the world would I laugh?”

“Just… promise you won’t.”

“I… okay, yeah. I promise.”

Catra still hesitated before grabbing the cane, leaning heavily on it — more than she would have liked. Adora didn’t laugh, but she also wasn’t fast enough to hide the pity in her expression.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, or I swear I’ll beat you with this thing.”

“I’m not — I just… I’m sorry,” Adora said quietly. “I can’t even imagine how infuriating all this is for you.”

There were a million responses on the tip of Catra’s tongue. She bit them all down. “I’m fine. Shut up and help me find Casta’s Etsy shop.”

Melog was far too patient about being a foot rest for Catra while she and Adora dug through Etsy. “Oh my god, this is it. Glimmer has like three of those little knitted cats.”

“ _ _Seriously__? How do I __not__ have a knitted cat?”

They laughed, but it was actually a lot of fun going through the page, pointing out different things they would absolutely buy for each other. “Why did she start a web design company? She could probably live off this income if she dedicated herself to it.”

“Are you complaining?” Adora asked. “You’d need a new job if she decided to go full-time knitting.”

“I’d have to give her props for it.”

Adora giggled, resting her chin on Catra’s shoulder. She went stiff, lungs suddenly frozen. “Oh. Um.” Adora pulled away quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Catra muttered, looking away. “You’re fine.”

They sat in silence for a moment, neither really sure what to do now. “Buy me a knitted cat?” Catra asked finally. Adora laughed.

“Maybe.”

* * *

“She just makes me feel like I’m crazy sometimes.”

Entrapta was tapping away at her computer, not entirely listening to Adora. Maybe that was why Adora was talking to her. “She ghosts me for eight years after running away, and now she’s acting like… like this? I don’t get it. Am I missing something?”

“This might be a question for Scorpia and Perfuma,” Entrapta said distantly, holding a hand out. “Tablet.”

Adora dug her tablet out, handing it over. “I don’t want to ask them,” she admitted. Scorpia knew Catra fairly well — not as well as Adora, but that was a hard bar to clear — and Perfuma was too perceptive. “They might have answers.”

“That makes no sense.”

“I __know__.” Adora groaned, covering her face with her hands. “I just… I want to know. But I’m afraid to know.”

Entrapta looked up from the tablet, raising an eyebrow. “Is this another brain injury thing?”

Adora shook her head, sighing. “No, it’s an Adora thing. It just… feels like she doesn’t want to see me, you know?”

“She __did__ run out the last time she was here when I told her you were coming.”

“ _ _What?__ ” Adora snapped around to look at Entrapta, mouth hanging open. “When did this happen?”

“Last month. The day I updated the note taker.”

Days ran together for Adora sometimes, so that didn’t mean much. She stared at Entrapta in disbelief. “You told her I was coming over and she __ran__?”

“As much as she’s capable of it, yes. I asked if I did something wrong and she said, ‘No, I did. Eight years ago.’”

Adora’s brow furrowed, a frown creasing her lips. Eight years ago. The accident. She didn’t remember much of what happened after they got in the car. She’d been in a medically induced coma for a week, and the time after that were hazy at best. She remembered loud voices outside her hospital room, a lot of pain, asking for Catra. At first the response had been “family only”, until Glimmer finally told Adora the truth — that Catra had checked herself out of the hospital and left. She didn’t believe it until someone finally let her on Facebook and she saw that Catra had unfriended her.

That had hurt more than anything.

She pulled out her phone to distract herself, opening Instagram. There was a new photo of Melog lapping something out of a bowl, posted about five minutes ago, captioned, __@PlumeriaCoffee makes doggy lattes now. Five out of five paws__.

“Okay, I’ve updated the reminders and note keeper,” Entrapta said, handing the tablet back. “Make sure I didn’t accidentally mess up your notifications, though. You’ve got a lot of appointments next week.”

“Tell me about it.” Adora sighed, tucking the tablet back in her bag and smiling. “Thanks, Entrapta.”

“Of course! Let me know if you need anything before next month.”

Adora was planning on going home, she really was. But the idea of seeing Catra, even after all the melancholy reflection, was intoxicating.

She put Plumeria on her GPS and started the journey.

Thankfully, Catra was still there when she arrived, talking to Scorpia. Perfuma perked up when she heard the bell over the door. “Hi Adora!”

Scorpia and Catra turned to look at her. Catra smiled.

And a knot loosened in Adora’s chest.

* * *

“I think I want to try driving again.”

Netossa looked up from her book, raising an eyebrow. They were sitting on the couch, Catra with her legs resting in Netossa’s lap. “Really?”

Her doubt was understandable. The first time Catra had tried to drive (after three months of sobriety) had been a disaster, to put it lightly. The series of panic attacks that followed had been what finally forced Catra to accept the idea of therapy.

“My knee’s not going to get better. And taking the bus is getting hard.”

“You know Spinny would be willing to take you to work, right? She works like, a block over from your apartment.”

“I __know__ , but that’s not fair to her. And there’s still a bunch of places I go that aren’t here, work, and home.” Okay, there were two places, but that wasn’t the point. “And I miss the freedom.”

Netossa clicked her tongue, frowning. “Have you talked to Razz about it?”

“ _ _Yes__ , I talked to Razz about it.”

“What’d she say?”

“Something about horses and bikes and falling off.” Catra shrugged. “Not gonna lie, she was kind of incoherent. I’m starting to think she needs to retire.”

“She needs to retire twenty years ago, but she’s still the best therapist we’ve ever met.”

The doorbell rang. Netossa tried to get up, but Catra kept her legs locked. “Budge.”

“Comfortable.”

“C’mon, __move__.”

“But my knee hurts.”

Netossa groaned. “Spinnyyyyyyyyy, your daughter is a brat!”

“Oh sure, she’s __my__ daughter when she’s being a brat,” Spinerella said with an exasperated smile as she went to answer the door. “Hey—”

Frosta stormed right by her, stomping up the stairs. Catra straightened up, slowly pulling her legs off Netossa’s lap. “What’s that all about?”

“Got a minute?” Adora asked Spinnerella quietly. She nodded, letting the woman inside, gesturing for her to take the armchair while she went to sit with Netossa.

“Is this something I shouldn’t be here for?” Catra asked, raising an eyebrow. Netossa and Spinnerella looked at Adora, who shrugged.

“Up to you guys.”

“Might as well stay,” Netossa said. “We tell her everything that’s going on anyway since she half lives here.”

Adora nodded, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Old habit. “Frosta’s father wants full custody again.”

“Ah.” Netossa looked at Spinerella, who was grimacing. “And I’m guessing she’s not on board with that.”

“Not particularly.” Adora sighed. “They got into a bit of a fight about it.”

Good, Catra thought bitterly. She didn’t know all the details of what had led Frosta to Spinnerella and Netossa, but she __did__ know her father had willingly given up custody after her mother died. Frosta had every right to be pissed off.

“What do you think?” Spinerella asked after a minute.

“I think… going from twice a month supervised visits straight back to living together without any support structure is a bad idea,” Adora admitted. “He __has__ been doing everything the court requires to get back custody, though. I’ve done a few drop-ins and haven’t found anything suspicious….”

“So he gets to give her up then decides he wants her back?” Catra asked bitterly. “She’s a kid, not a __pet__.”

Netossa nudged her. “Not now.”

Catra scoffed quietly, pushing herself up and heading for the stairs. It was a low pain today, ignorable, but she still called for Melog to follow her upstairs, just in case. Netossa waited until she was out of earshot before saying, “Sorry about her—”

“You ever met her mother?” Adora asked.

“Never had the pleasure, no.”

“I have. Believe me, I understand.” The blonde pulled a tablet out of her bag, swiping the screen. “Personally, I recommend therapy sessions together, and separate sessions for Frosta. There’s obviously a lot to work through for both of them. And Frosta is old enough that her opinion would be taken into consideration if it turns into a court thing…”

Frosta was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, glaring at the floor. “Hey Snowflake.” Catra dropped on the bed next to her, resting her chin in her arms.

“I don’t wanna go back to him,” the girl mumbled into her knees.

“Not here to argue with you about it,” Catra assured her. “I’m on your side.”

Frosta looked up uncertainly. “You are?”

“Heck yeah. My bio mom is a complete bitch. If anyone had ever given me a chance out of the house, I’d have taken it in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t think __anyone__ is as bad as your mom,” Frosta pointed out. Catra chuckled humorlessly.

“That’s true. But I understand, is the point. I wouldn’t want to go back if she gave me up.”

Frosta frowned, trying to inconspicuously wipe her eyes. “Do you think Adora’s gonna make me go back?”

“I don’t know,” Catra said honestly. “I have no idea how any of this works. But if they try to make you and you really don’t want to, you can run away and live with me.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Catra held her fist out. Frosta grinned, bumping it.

Netossa had paused outside the door to listen to the tailend of the conversation. She rolled her eyes fondly, saying, “Come on delinquents, dinner’s ready.”

She watched the girls stand and hurry out of the room, shaking her head. Catra was a pain sometimes, but she was glad they’d kept her.

* * *

Adora called right as Catra was dropping into bed. “ _ _Hey__ ,” she said nervously. Catra could practically hear her chewing her thumbnail. “ _ _Is Frosta okay?__ ”

“Shouldn’t you be asking Netossa and Spinerella about this?” Catra responded slowly.

“ _ _Probably. I don’t want to bother them, though, and it’s not really an official thing, and… I thought maybe she’d talk to you more than she would them.__ ”

“True,” Catra admitted. “She’s fine. We’ve got a contingency plan if you try to force her to go back.”

“ _ _Oh yeah? What’s that__?”

“I can’t tell __you__ , obviously, you’re the Man.”

“ _ _The Man?__ ”

“Yeah, big brother and all that.” Catra waved a hand. Adora snorted, but the laughter died after a moment.

“ _ _You know I wouldn’t do that, right? Just force a kid to go somewhere they don’t want to be?__ ”

“Now we’re __definitely__ getting into things you shouldn’t be telling me about.”

“ _ _Yeah__.”

They sat in an almost comfortable silence for a moment. “How did you even get into this job?” Catra finally asked.

“ _ _You’re gonna laugh__.”

“Will not.”

“ _ _Will too__.”

“Adoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

“ _ _Okay, okay__.” She sighed. “ _ _It was… kind of because of you, to be honest__.”

Catra blinked, raising an eyebrow. “Me?”

“ _ _Everyone__ knew _ _how terrible your mom was. Every teacher we ever had, every adult we saw at church,__ everybody _ _knew. But no one ever__ did _ _anything about it.__ ” Catra held her breath, not daring to speak. “ _ _And I just wondered… how things could have been different if someone had just intervened. If someone saw an abused kid and__ did _ _something. And I know it’s too late to do anything now, but… maybe another kid doesn’t have to suffer like you did. You know?__ ”

It took Catra a moment form a coherent answer. “You and your fucking hero complex,” was what she finally settled for. Adora laughed.

“ _ _Saving the world one kid at a time.”__

* * *

“You’ve seemed happy lately.”

Adora looked up from her burger, meeting Glimmer’s gaze. They were at their favorite diner down the street, have a best friend night, which always started with a good meal. “I’m always happy,” she protested.

“Happier than usual. Something going on?”

“Nothing more than usual. One of my kids got to go home today. His mom finally kicked out the abusive, drunk boyfriend. That was pretty nice.”

Maybe it was dumb to lie to Glimmer about seeing Catra — they weren’t doing anything __wrong__ , after all. Adora was allowed to have other friends.

The problem was just… who the other friend was.

Still, it was stupid. So what if Glimmer was mad about it?

“Aaaawww!” Bow cooed. He had been posting selfies on Instagram and apparently taken a moment to check his feed. “Look how cute this is!”

He held out the phone for Glimmer and Catra to see. It was a picture of Melog on his bag, legs curled up, mouth hanging open. The caption read, __I am dignity. I am grace. I will definitely not make Catra fall flat on her face__. Adora bit down a laugh. Glimmer huffed.

“I bet if you apologized, she’d unblock you,” Bow pointed out as he took his phone back to like the photo.

“I don’t need her to unblock me. There are __thousands__ of dog instagrams for me to get cute content from.”

“Yeah, but I __know__ you think Melog is adorable.” Bow continued scrolling, then laughed. “Look at this one.”

“ _ _Bow__ …” Glimmer groaned, rolling her eyes. Adora leaned over to see Melog, sitting in Spinnerella’s and Netossa’s living room, with his harness on.

 _Mom!Spinny made me a new patch. She still won’t make one that says don’t fucking touch, though_.

The harness had several small patches on them, all with variations of “don’t touch me I’m working” written in cutesy ways, with paws and bones decorating them.

“Guess some people don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves.” Glimmer feigned disinterest, popping a fry in her mouth. Adora felt her heartbeat quicken as a thought occurred to her.

_Wait, I pet Melog all the time. Catra’s never yelled at me. Unless she’s just being nice? No, Catra’s never just nice. I mean, she wasn’t. She’s changed a lot. Oh god, have I been breaking rule?!_

“Um… be right back,” she muttered, scrambling out of the booth and looking at her phone. “gotta take this.”

She pretends to answer a fake call until she’s out of sight of her friends, then hurriedly calls Catra. She picks up after a couple rings, drowsy.

“ _ _M’lo?__ ”

“Are you mad at me?”

Adora’s voice cracks as she speaks. Catra is silent for a long moment, then bewildered as she says, “ _ _Um, no? Should I be?__ ”

“Is it bad that I pet Melog?”

“ _ _...Adora, are you drunk?__ ”

“No, I just…” Adora took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I saw your picture of Melog in his harness, and I never really thought about it, but I pet him so __much__.”

Catra yawned; there was a rustle of fabric as she moved about. “ _ _Adora, that harness is for when I’m out__ walking _ _. I don’t care if you pet him when we’re sitting around. I just want total strangers to keep their hands off.__ ”

“So… It’s okay to pet him and tell him he’s a good boy?”

“ _ _Yes, you dummy. It’s okay to pet him and tell him he’s a good boy. In fact, I think he enjoys it. He loves being the center of attention.”__

Adora blew out a long breath, nodding. “Okay. Okay. Good. I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

“ _ _Nah, it’s fine__.” She yawned again, detracting from her point. “ _ _You okay?__ ”

“Yeah. I’m good. Sorry I woke you up.” Wait, she had already said that, hadn’t she? Adora smiled despite herself. “Talk to you later.”

“ _ _M’kay. Bye__.”

She hung up, and Adora made her way back inside. “Everything okay?” Bow asked as she sat again.

“Yeah. It’s fine. False alarm.”

Adora didn’t look at her phone again until they were leaving. There was a picture of Catra, half squished by Melog, waiting for her in her messages. She laughed.

* * *

“Remind me why I should trust any food you offer me?”

“Because it’s clearly take out, and I had no hand in doing more than keeping it warm.”

Catra looked Adora up and down for a moment. The blonde grinned back. And Catra was hungry. “ _ _Fine__. Are you __sure__ Sparkles isn’t going to show up and rip my head off?”

“Positive. Her and Bow are doing a double feature. Do you want to stand in the hall all night?”

No, no she did not. Her knee was hurting, and Melog was behaving, but he wanted to sit. So Catra shuffled into the apartment, sighing like this was the biggest inconvenience in the world. Adora was beaming, clearly proud of herself.

Catra wasn’t really sure why she had agreed to come to Adora’s place. Too many risks, and Adora could drive, as opposed to the bus Catra had taken to get there. Why couldn’t Adora just come to her? Why was she here?

 _Because you want to be. Because you’re an idiot and_ —

She shut the voice down, paying more attention to the Chinese on the counter. “Fried rice and shrimp?”

“As if I’d get anything else for you.”

Something about Adora remembering her favorite order made something warm and fuzzy light up in her chest. “Oh, I got Melog some treats too.” She got the box off the top of the fridge. Melog lit up a bit at the sound of shaking treats.

“You’re such an easy buy,” Catra grumbled at him. He just looked up innocently at her.

They settled in with their food and put on Netflix to watch whatever they had agreed on. To be honest, Catra couldn’t remember much aside from it being __extremely__ gay. But her focus was on Adora, on her laughter, on her wide-eyed expressions, her lips—

 _Stop it._ Catra refocused on the TV. She couldn’t be stupid. She couldn’t jump the gun.

Their shoulders brushed. Catra blew out a long, slow breath. The last time they had been this close was when they had…

 _Don’t think about it_.

Adora’s eyes, bright and shining and drunk and giggling as she cornered Catra at the party…

Melog raised his head, resting it on her knee. He knew too well when Catra was upset. It made him a good therapy dog. She petted his head absently. She had completely lost track of time, and had no idea what episode they were on when her control finally broke.

“Why?”

Adora looked over at her, blinking. “What?”

“Why did you… you…” __why did you corner me like that, why did you kiss me, why did you leave me, why were you so ashamed, why__ — “Why did you just cut me off? I get it, you were mad about the accident, I don’t blame you, but—”

“What?” Adora said again, but now she sounded a little angry. “Why did __I__ — you’re the one who cut out and left a __month__ early. I was still stuck in a hospital bed while you ran off.”

Catra’s face flushed. She stood, ignoring the noise Melog made. “You made it pretty fucking clear you didn’t want anything to do with me—”

“How? You never even talked to me!” Adora stood as well. They were both angry, eight years of pent up resentment and hurt and something they couldn’t identify bubbling to the surface in just a few moments. “How did I make __anything__ clear?”

“With your glittery little __messenger__.” Catra spoke through gritted teeth. “You couldn’t even tell me off yourself, could you? Had to send Sparkles to do your dirty work for you?”

“My—”

Adora was stopped by the door opening. “What did you __think__ the movie was about?” Glimmer was saying as she and Bow walked in.

“Not __that__ —”

They both stopped, blinking when they saw Catra and Adora standing off. Glimmer scowled. “What’s __she__ doing here?”

“Glimmer, be nice—”

“What did you do?”

Adora’s quiet voice cut Bow off. Catra looked back at her, then at the couple. Glimmer frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You… You told me Catra didn’t want to see me. You told me she left without even asking about me.”

Catra blinked a few times, then narrowed her eyes. “You told __me__ Adora didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Glimmer’s expression was blank. Bow turned to look at his girlfriend, expression begging for this to be some mixup. “Glimmer?”

It wasn’t a mixup. She had done this on purpose. She had lied to Adora, and she had lied to Catra.

Melog nudged Catra’s hand, whining. Her fingers curled to scratch his ears faintly. A grounding measure.

It wasn’t working.

Glimmer was talking, and so was Adora, much louder and angrier, and none of it made sense to Catra. She reached for the handle of Melog’s harness; he took the hint, pulling her forward without her really giving the order. She was vaguely aware of Bow reaching out to stop her, but she shoved him away, taking some control and pushing Melog to move faster, as fast as her knee would allow. She didn’t have her cane. She didn’t want to go back.

No one came after her.

She wasn’t sure how long she walked, or what direction she went in, but somehow, she wasn’t surprised to find herself in front of a bar. Her five-year coin burned in her pocket, a screaming beacon to walk away, to get an Uber home…

She went inside.


	3. Having tasted, a life wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra work through their issues. Catra gets an unpleasant phone call. Glimmer gets a reality check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I added a fourth chapter. There was always 75% chance of that happening lol. But the fourth WILL be the last.
> 
> TW: alcohol use, vomitting, brief talk of cancer

Netossa wasn’t really sure what to expect when Catra called her, absolutely trashed, for a ride. She wasn’t _mad_ — concerned, but not mad. At least Catra had called her instead of trying to get an Uber home.

It was a little after midnight when Netossa arrived at the bar. She slid into the seat next to Catra, unnoticed, until she gently petted the woman’s head. Melog whined at their feet.

“I’m such a fuck up.”

“No, you’re not.” Netossa waved the bartender down and handed her card over. “Close out her tab, please.”

“Five fucking years.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.”

She helped Catra out to the car and into the passenger’s seat, making sure she was buckled up, and Melog was settled in the backseat, before she went to sit in the driver’s seat. “Where’s your cane?” she asked as they drove. Catra thought for a moment, then groaned.

“ _Fuck_.”

Oh boy. Netossa didn’t push it; she just helped Catra to her apartment, making sure she could get herself changed and into bed before going to retrieve the spare cane from the closet. Catra was curled up tight around Melog when Netossa returned, crying into his fur.

“Hey.” Netossa sat beside her, gently squeezing her shoulder. “Talk to me, Kit Kat.”

Catra clung tight Melog for a moment before rolling to rest her head in Netossa’s lap. “I’ve been hanging out with Adora,” she whispered. “And it was going great. But we got into a fight tonight, and she made a comment about how it was my fault we hadn’t spoken. And I got mad and told her _she_ was the one who didn’t want to talk to me and… long story short, fucking Glimmer lied to us because she didn’t want me to go near Adora. And I listened. I stayed away. I fucked up my college career because that… sparkly bitch lied to both of us.”

Oh, someone was going to _die_. Netossa brushed her fingers through Catra’s wild hair. “‘Tossa?”

“Hmn?”

“I’m tired. But I’m scared. Please don’t leave me alone.”

“Didn’t plan on it, sweetie. Don’t worry.”

* * *

The hangover hit around dawn, and it was a _bitch_. Catra spent her first few hours awake hunched over the toilet, taking breaks to drink water and then throwing it up again. Once _that_ was done, it was right back to bed with water, some dry toast, and a bucket.

“Fucking lightweight,” Catra mumbled blearily.

“Tolerance goes down,” Netossa said, lying down with her. “You probably hit it a little too hard.”

“Five fucking years.”

“I know.” Netossa kissed the top of Catra’s head. “Don’t worry about it. Just rest. You must have one _hell_ of a hangover.”

Melog snuggled against Catra like a giant body pillow; she wrapped around him, face pressed into his shoulder blades as she drifted back off to sleep.

It was a little after noon when a knock came at the door. Netossa supposed the shouldn’t have been surprised to see Adora waiting in the hall. Adora winced back under the icy glare Netossa gave her. She was used to having a professional relationship with the woman. Not facing an angry mother whose daughter had been hurt.

“I don’t think you should be here right now.”

“I… I just want to see her.” Adora’s eyes were red. She had been crying. “Please, I won’t stay long, and I’ll leave if she wants me to.”

Netossa looked back into the apartment, then nudged Adora away, stepping out with her and closing the door. “Look, she’s sleeping. She’s… really, really hungover.”

Adora’s expression fell further. “She drank last night?”

“Yeah.” Netossa sighed. “She’s going to hate herself when she wakes up. But… it happens. She’ll get back there again. I’ll tell her you stopped by, but I think she needs this time. Wait for her to call you.”

Adora nodded miserably, reaching into her bag. “She… left this at my place.” She held out the folded up cat cane. Netossa took it, smiling gently.

“Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know why I’m not punching you right now?”

“Um…”

“It’s because I know you’re a good person. I see the way you work with kids. You’re amazing. But Catra is… really special to me, and to Spinnerella. Take care of her. Please.”

Adora nodded slowly, turning and heading down the hall again. Netossa watched her go before going back into the apartment. Catra was still asleep. Good.

* * *

Bow and Glimmer were sitting on the couch when Adora got back. “Hi Ador—”

“Don’t talk to me,” Adora snapped at Glimmer. She winced back, then squared her shoulders.

“You could at least let me explain myself.”

“I don’t _care_ , Glimmer.” Adora stopped, whirling to glare at Glimmer and ripping out her hair tie. She was starting to get a headache. “Do you know how much damage you did? Do you even care?”

“I was trying to protect you!”

“By telling my best friend I didn’t want to see her? By telling _me_ my best friend didn’t want to see me?”

“She hurt you,” Glimmer argued.

“It was an accident, Glimmer! It was a car accident, and yes, she was drunk, but you can’t punish her forever. Do you know how much you fucked up her life?”

“I don’t care,” Glimmer replied coldly. “I don’t care about her.”

“Then what about _me_? You _saw_ how much it hurt when I thought she cut me off. How could you let me go through that?”

“Guys,” Bow said slowly, standing. Adora went on without hesitation.

“You know what the _last_ thing I remember from that night is? I kissed her.” Glimmer and Bow blinked, stunned. “I was drunk, and it was stupid, but I did it. And you know what? She _let_ me. She freaked out after, but she let me kiss her. All these years I thought she didn’t want to see me because of that, because she was angry, because she was scared of what her mother would do if she found out her _straight_ daughter was kissing a girl, I don’t know. I thought I ruined everything because I fell in love with my best friend.”

There were tears in Adora’s eyes now. She ignored them. “You don’t know Catra. You never bothered to try. I know how she comes off to the rest of the world, because she wants to keep people away, but she is… she…” Adora took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. “Do you know how she and I met?”

“No…”

“It was the first day of first grade. You know, the one day that parents bother to dress up their kids in nice clothes to try and make a good first impression. Except I was still bouncing between foster homes and foster kids don’t _get_ nice things.”

_Her shirt was too big. The ends of her pants were frayed. Her shoes were almost in pieces. No one wanted to sit next to her. She was left alone in the middle of a row with empty seats to her left and right._

_She hated new schools._

_It was snack time now, and of course Adora didn’t have anything. She just sat at her desk, alone, while the rest of the kids began forming their sacred friendships that would last until second grade._

_The chair next to her desk scraped as someone pulled it back. “Hey, my mom gave me_ carrot sticks _. Wanna share? If I bring them home, she’ll be mad.”_

 _Adora looked up at the girl, surprised. She had dark skin, two different colored eyes (_ cool _, Adora thought distantly), and a mane of wild hair framing her slim face. “You… wanna share with me?”_

 _“_ Someone _has to help me eat them. They’re disgusting.” She shoved the little container at Adora. “I’m Catra.”_

_“Adora.” The introduction was automatic. She reached uncertainly for a carrot stick, waiting for the other girl to snatch them back and laugh at her for being so stupid._

_But she didn’t. She waited for Adora to take one, then gingerly picked up a stick for herself like she was handling a bug or something gross. “I never get_ fun _snacks. Just stupid stuff like this.”_

_Adora smiled, taking another carrot stick._

_Catra went back to her desk at the end of snack time, and surprised Adora when she returned with all her stuff, plopping herself right down next to Adora_.

“She was the _only_ person who was nice to me that entire year. She punched a kid once for making fun of me. She cried when she found out I was transferring to another school because I was moved to another foster home.” Adora swallowed the lump in her throat, taking a deep breath. “It was another year before your mom and dad took me in and I went back to that school…”

_It was dumb, Adora thought, as she scanned the faces of her class, looking for those dual colored eyes or that wild mane of hair. Nothing. Catra probably didn’t even remember her. She was in a different class than her new foster sister, and a different lunch period. She was all alone. Again._

_She hated new schools so much. Even if this one wasn’t technically_ new _._

_She sat alone at lunch, not even bothering to look for Catra. There was no way she remembered Adora…_

_A familiar laugh reached her ears. She whipped around to see the familiar hair at another table across the cafeteria. She was with two other girls — one with short white hair, and one with long pink ponytails. Adora’s stomach dropped down to her toes, and she shoved her lunch away. Of course she had made other friends. She didn’t remember Adora at all._

_She picked at her food, wishing lunch would just_ end _. Of course, then she had to get through recess. Maybe she could ask to go to the library or something. She looked for the teacher on duty, and was preparing to ask if she_ had _to go outside, when something heavy tackled her from behind. For a moment, she thought she was being attacked._

_“You still have your stupid ponytail!”_

_Adora looked back to see Catra hugging her tight from behind. She remembered her. They both laughed as Adora jumped up to properly return the hug._

_“Why’re you sitting alone, dummy? Come on, you can sit with us. ‘Trapta is kind of weird, but she’s fun. Just nod a lot. I don’t think she cares if you’re actually listening or not_ …”

Glimmer and Bow had always wondered how Adora had managed to make such a close friend so fast — she had spent nearly an hour babbling excitedly to Angella and Micah about the girl she’d had lunch with. Maybe she had mentioned knowing Catra in first grade. It was kind of a blur.

“You had no right to make that decision,” Adora said finally, her voice shaking. “You had no right to lie and keep us apart. So no, I don’t care what your reasons are. I don’t care if you thought you were right. And I _don’t_ want to talk to you right now. Just leave me alone.”

Adora walked to her room without another word, closing the door behind her.

* * *

The sun had almost set before Catra stirred again. She felt slightly better and a lot less sick, at least. Netossa was lying on the bed next to her, watching a video on her phone. “Mornin’, Kit Kat. Relatively speaking.”

“Ugh.” Catra pressed her face into her pillow. “What time is it?”

“A little after seven. Think you slept through the worst of your hangover.”

Catra rolled onto her side and looked at Netossa. “I fucked up.”

“No, from the sounds of it, that friend of Adora’s fucked up.”

“And my first thought was go to a bar and get trashed.” Tears filled Catra’s eyes, and she curled up tight. “ _Five years_.”

Netossa brushed Catra’s hair back. “Relapses happen, kid. But you made it five years. You can do it again.”

Except now it was all Catra could think about. Another drink to drown out the shame. The pain. Another drink to forget about all of this.

“Adora was here.”

Catra snapped up to look at Netossa, surprised. “She was?”

“Yeah. I told her to wait for you to call. She brought your cane, though.”

That was something. Maybe they _could_ still fix things. Maybe…

 _Don’t even go there_.

“So what’s that friend of hers got against you?”

“Ugh.” Catra rolled her eyes, groaning. “She’s Adora’s old foster sister. We joined the track team freshman year and she was always pissed she could never beat my times. Then I made varsity over her and that was just the end of it. I mean, it was more than track, she thought I was the _wrong kind of person_. Adora tried to keep the peace, but… can’t do much when no one else is helping.”

She curled up tight, squeezing her eyes shut. “Netossa?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I don’t think I can be alone.” It took everything she had in her to admit that. Netossa brushed a hand through Catra’s hair.

“Good, because I didn’t plan on leaving.”

* * *

Catra went to Netossa’s and Spinnerella’s the next night, since it was Sunday dinner time anyway, and Netossa thought she might feel better with other people around. Spinerella wrapped her in a hug, holding her for a long moment.

“I’m fine,” she muttered unconvincingly. “Really.”

She hid in the kitchen when Frosta got back from her visit with her father.

“It’s not even her fault,” she muttered later, curled up in the guest room. “I don’t know why I’m avoiding her.”

Spinnerella brushed a hand through her wild hair. “Feelings don’t always make sense. It’s okay. Do what you have to do for yourself before you try to deal with anything else.”

Catra sighed, burying her face in the pillow. “Yeah.”

* * *

Adora paused outside her apartment door, sighing when she heard voices. She had really hoped Glimmer’s parents would be gone by the time she got home. She didn’t hate Angella and Micah by any means, but everything was suspicious now. Had they known? Had they _helped_?

 _This is stupid. I pay rent. I shouldn’t have to avoid my own apartment_.

She kept that thought in mind, took a deep breath, and opened the door. “Oh, Adora!” Angella said cheerfully when she saw the younger woman. “I was hoping you’d get home before we left—”

“No offense,” Adora said as patiently as she could, “but I’m not really feeling up to socializing right now.”

“What’s going on?” Micah asked. Glimmer was staring stonily at Adora. Bow looked helplessly between his friend and girlfriend, sighing. He didn’t agree with what Glimmer had done either, but… he hated watching them fight.

Adora turned to him. “Did you know? About Glimmer _lying_ to me for eight years?”

“I lied _once_. For your own good. She almost killed you.”

“Lied about what?” Micah asked, frowning.

“About Catra not wanting to see Adora after the accident,” Bow finally said quietly. “And she told Catra that Adora didn’t want to see her.”

“Which she _believed_ ,” Adora added. “She thought I hated her.”

“Glimmer.” Angella looked at her daughter. “Why would you do that?”

“ _Seriously_ , you too? I _know_ you didn’t like Catra—”

“She was, admittedly, a bad influence,” Micah said slowly. “But she was still Adora’s friend. It wasn’t up to you to decide she needed to stay away.”

Glimmer was stunned for a moment before her expression hardened. “I’m _not_ sorry.”

“I don’t expect you to be,” Adora said, tone sharp and clipped. “But don’t expect me to forgive you any time soon, either.”

No one stopped her as she shut the door behind her.

* * *

“My name is Catra. I… _was_ sober for five years until last weekend.”

Catra had relapsed a few times in the first few months. It was common, Huntara had assured her, then gently beaten into her, when she got mad at herself. But breaking five _years_ of sobriety was worse than five _days_.

“I… found out some nasty little secrets from high school, and I know that sounds stupid, but high school was really fucked up. And I ended up in front of a bar and I just…” She waved her hand miserably. “That was a week ago. I’d sell my dog for another drink right about now, and I hate myself for it. Five fucking years.”

She sat again, staring at the floor as the next person spoke. Huntara clapped her on the back. She knew it was hard for Catra to admit she had… ‘fallen off the wagon’ was so hokey, and Catra hated it. It was more like she’d tripped and smashed her face into a curb.

“One week down,” Huntara said as the meeting ended. Catra grumbled under her breath. “Hey, one week is great.”

“Five years was great. One week is a joke.”

Huntara carefully bopped her on the head. “You know how long I’ve been sober?”

“You’re ancient, so like a hundred years?”

The hand threatened to hit her again. “Seventeen years. You know when I started trying to get sober?” Catra shrugged. “Twenty-four years ago. I threw out seven years of sobriety for some stupid thing that doesn’t even matter anymore.”

“Yeah, well… this matters.” Catra pushed herself up, going to get one of the leftover donuts. “This matters a whole fucking lot.”

“Then you’ll have to deal with your shit, won’t you?” Huntara stood, stretching and groaning as her joints popped. “Moping ain’t gonna help.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be like, inspirational or something?” Catra grumbled, going back to get Melog. Huntara chuckled, slapping a one-week chip into Catra’s hand.

“Read between the lines, kitten. The inspiration is there somewhere.”

* * *

Catra knew Netossa had told Adora to wait. And Catra knew Adora would respect that.

But her heart still jumped in anticipation when her phone rang.

She sat up, hazy, pain-induced stupor lifting, and grabbed her phone. It wasn’t Adora. It wasn’t any number she had her phone, actually, but she had a good guess about who was on the other end. The temptation to answer, to take out her problems on the old bitch, was nearly overwhelming.

She declined the call and put the phone aside, flopping back against her pillows. She could just call. She wasn’t mad at Adora. There was nothing stopping her except her own anxiety. And she totally had meds she could take for that.

But maybe she wasn’t ready for the conversation if she needed drugs to make her feel better.

* * *

“...Wow.”

Adora had slowly weened off therapy a couple years ago, wanting to see if she could live without it. She had started after the accident, torn between PTSD from something traumatic she couldn’t remember and feeling abandoned by her best friend. The first month or two had mostly been, “Why does Catra hate me?”

But she had grown passed it, with help, come to terms with the brain damage and learning how to live with it, and figuring out how to temper her desperate need to fix _everything_ (more than likely born from feeling like she had let Catra down somehow). She was sure she had run out of ways to shock the poor woman tasked with her helping her untangle her mental health.

And yet Mara was staring at her, mouth hanging open, completely bewildered by the story Adora had just woven for her. “Oh… kay,” she said after a minute, looking at her notebook, then back at Adora. “You’ve been… busy, clearly. How’re you feeling?”

“Like my best friend who’s basically my sister lied to me for eight years and ruined my friendship with my _other_ best friend.” Adora slid down in her seat, glaring out the window. “I spent all this time thinking _I_ had done something wrong, that it was _my_ fault Catra left, and Glimmer _knew_ … she knew! _She_ did this!”

“Have you asked her why?”

“She said it was to _protect_ me.” Adora scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Some protection. I _know_ they didn’t like each other, but at least Catra never would’ve pulled something like this. And she’s been hurting all this time too, and Glimmer… Glimmer doesn’t even care!”

“Well, from what you’ve said, it sounds like Catra has her own support system,” Mara said gently. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Your support system largely consists of Glimmer and Bow, and you’re obviously not on the greatest terms with Glimmer right now. Who have you been talking to?”

“I’m talking to you. Right now.”

The fondly exasperated spark in Mara’s eyes told Adora that wasn’t the answer she was looking for. “And it’s _great_ that you wanted to come back to therapy, don’t get me wrong, but you need people outside of this one hour a week as well. You’re a central part of this. Your feelings matter.”

Adora deflated, sighing. “Yeah,” she muttered. “I know.”

“So what are _you_ feeling?”

She took a moment to sort things out in her head. “Sad. Angry. Really, really angry at Glimmer. I… I wish Catra would call. I know I’m supposed to be waiting for her to reach out, and she deserves all the time she needs, but… it’s been over two weeks. I _miss_ her. I had her back in my life for a couple months, and now she’s gone again, and I don’t know if she’s coming back. I’m scared.”

Mara nodded. “That’s a _lot_ of feelings. And you need other people to talk to.”

“I don’t want to…”

“Bother people?” Mara guessed as Adora’s voice drifted off. She knew the other woman far too well. “It’s okay to need people, Adora.”

“I know.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. …Mostly,” Adora grumbled when Mara raised an eyebrow. “Bow and Glimmer are just a lot of my life. I’ve never had to find anyone else to talk to. And when I did, it was you.”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t pay to talk to me every single day,” Mara said dryly. “But you’re welcome to come back in a week. And your homework until then is to find another person you feel free speaking with. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Adora made her next appointment, left, and was halfway home before she abruptly pulled Plumeria up on her GPS and changed course. It was Tuesday. Maybe she could find some friends.

Scorpia and Entrapta were there, talking over lattes. There was no sign of Catra at the table. Adora knew she didn’t join them _every_ week. Hopefully this was an off week.

Perfuma was just finishing up with a customer when Adora walked in. She looked up at the door, smiling. “Hello Adora! Usual?”

“Please,” Adora replied, shooting a smile back before turning to Scorpia and Entrapta. “Mind if I um… I mean, if you’re not…”

“You can sit, Catra’s not here.” Entrapta assured her. She was eerily good at reading people, for all she sucked at social cues. “I’m assuming you don’t want to run into her, giving the recent realizations that Glimmer’s been lying to you for eight years.”

Adora winced, sitting. “She told you about that, huh?”

“We saw her over the weekend,” Scorpia said quietly. “I’m really sorry about that, Adora. If we’d known…”

“It’s not your fault.” It was Glimmer’s fault, and only Glimmer’s. Adora wasn’t letting anyone else even consider shouldering the blame. “Sorry, I didn’t come here just to complain about things, I wanted to see people… and not go home.”

“You can hang out with us for as long as you need!” Scorpia was cheerful now. “Catra’s staying home all week. Apparently her knee gets bad when it gets around forty to sixty degrees.”

Perfuma brought Adora’s order around, along with a cookie. “Oh!” Entrapta said happily. “Do you have your tablet? I can take a look at how the apps are running.”

“Yeah, here.” Adora always had her tablet on her. It was basically her life. All of her appointments and alarms and various to do lists were on it. It was basically her crutch.

Entrapta took the tablet and began poking away at it while Scorpia started telling a story about her current job — apparently she was subbing for a drama teacher at one of the local middle schools. That was a good job for her, Adora thought. She probably got along great with the kids. Entrapta punctuated the story with questions about the apps and how they were running.

It was nice. It was just a nice night out with Entrapta and Scorpia. They talked a little bit about what had happened with Glimmer, but mostly they exchanged work stories (even if Adora was limited to, “I brought a kid back to his parents today and it was great”), Scorpia and Perfuma talked about finding a new apartment complex, and Entrapta talked about a new patent she was working on.

“How many patents do you even have pending at this point?” Scorpia asked in disbelief. “Ten?”

“Twelve!”

Absolutely insane, Adora thought fondly.

* * *

Pasta was easy. Simple. Adora could boil some pasta. Bow and Glimmer were out, leaving Adora to herself. Bow had offered to make something for her before he left, but it was fine. Adora could absolutely boil pasta.

Her phone rang; she jumped, snatching it off the counter. Her heart nearly exploded out of her chest when she saw the caller ID.

“Hi,” she answered breathlessly. Catra chuckled dryly.

“ _Am I interrupting something?_ ”

“No! No, not at all. I’m just… really, really happy you called.”

“ _I’m… sorry it took so long_ ,” Catra said hesitantly. “ _Shit got kind of real for awhile. I wanted to make sure I had my head on straight before I… I dunno, dragged you into anything._ ”

“Are you okay? Do you need help?”

“ _No, Superwoman_.” Adora could practically hear Catra rolling her eyes. “ _I’m good._ ” She paused for a moment. “ _Are you… How’re you?_ ”

“I’m good,” Adora said honestly. “Better now that I know you don’t hate me.”

 _“Yeah, we should probably… probably talk about that, huh_?”

Adora sobered up a bit, sighing. “Probably. But not right now? I mean, not over the phone. We should talk in person. If that’s okay with you.”

“ _Perfectly okay. Absolutely. I’d… like to see you._ ”

She sounded so… _shy_. Was this what Catra sounded like when she wasn’t sure about something? Adora had never heard her sound insecure. “I’d really like to see you too,” Adora admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “I don’t really have much going on so whenever you want to get together…”

“ _I’m sure I can find time in my packed schedule_.” Catra laughed. It was a beautiful sound. Adora felt a little lighter when she heard it. “ _Have you uh… talked to Glimmer about any of this?_ ”

And Adora dropped back to reality. “No,” she said stonily. “I don’t really want to.”

“ _But opening up is good for you_ ,” Catra teased, clearly trying not to laugh again. “ _Something something the soul_.”

“Someone’s been to therapy,” Adora teased back.

“ _Yeah, and I’m giving you the watered down version of what she said, so you’re welcome._ ”

“I guess I’ll have to pay for the full version.”

“ _Trust me, it’s not worth it_.” There was a rustling noise; Adora heard the faint sound of tags jingling. Melog, she assumed.

“How are you doing?”

“ _I’m okay. Temperatures_ suck _. Spring and fall are the_ worst _times of year._ ” Catra groaned. “I _’ve been working from home all week. Casta’s cool with it, at least. I think she’s disappointed she doesn’t get to see Melog, though_.”

“Don’t you bring him to work?”

“ _Not if I can help it. I hate when people see me with him._ ”

“Isn’t… Isn’t the whole point of having a mobility service dog that he helps you get around and do things?”

“ _Yeah, yeah…. It’s a work in progress, okay? And going out with him is a pain sometimes, especially on the morning commute. Morning bus people are assholes_.”

“You don’t drive?” Adora slapped her forehead as soon as she said that. “I’m sorry—”

“ _It’s okay,_ ” Catra assured her. “ _Everyone is surprised when they find out. I gave up my license after I got sober. Too much trauma, according to Razz. I’ve been thinking about trying again, though. It’s been a few years, and maybe I’d feel more comfortable going places… I dunno. It’s on hold right now. Everything’s kind of on hold right now_.”

The front door opened, distracting Adora before she could answer. “Hey, the movie was soooooooooooooool — Adora, what’s on the stove?!” Bow yelped, dropping his keys. Adora hadn’t realized she had wandered away from the stove. She whipped around, shocked, then shrieked.

“It’s fine, I’ve got it!”

She threw her phone over her shoulder as she spoke. Bow caught it, trying to instruct her, “Just take it off the — no don’t throw it in the—!”

Too late. Adora had already snatched the pot off the burner and thrown it into the sink full of water. It broke the surface with a splash, a clattering noise, and then a loud hiss. Glimmer peeked around Bow, grimacing. He looked down at Adora’s phone, then put it on speaker.

“ _Adora, what’s happening? Are you okay?_ ”

“Another good pot lost in the line of duty,” Bow said with a faint sigh. Catra was silent for a moment.

“ _Wait, were you trying to_ cook _while we talked?_ ”

“Just a little,” Adora said defensively.

“ _Oh my god, you disaster,_ ” Catra groaned. “ _Who let you near a stove?_ ”

“I offered to make her something before we left!” Bow protested weakly.

“ _I’m sure you did Arr — wait, am I on speaker?!_ ”

Adora quickly sprang forward, grabbing the phone and turning speaker phone off. “Nope, absolutely not!”

“ _Walking disaster. Sounds like you need to be fed. Wanna come over now?_ ”

“What, _you’re_ going to cook?” Adora scoffed.

“ _Yeah, Spinnerella taught me how so I could function on my own._ ”

“Rude,” Adora huffed. “Fine. I’ll be over in an hour.”

“ _Cool, see ya_.”

She hung up. Adora tucked her phone back in her pocket, sighing, then smiled a bit. “I’m going out,” she informed her roommates happily, going to her room to get ready. She was just finishing changing when Bow knocked on the door.

“Hey, Adora… can we talk before you leave?”

“If it’s about Glimmer, then no.” Adora grabbed her jacket, trying to leave. Bow blocked her.

“Please? She feels really bad.”

“Then she can apologize on her own. To me _and_ Catra,” Adora replied coldly. “She really messed us both up, and if she doesn’t see what’s wrong with that, then I’ve got nothing to say to her.”

“I’m not saying I agree with what she did, but—”

“But _nothing_ , Bow. She told Catra I didn’t want to see her, and Catra left without even finishing physical therapy. I was depressed for _months_. I thought Catra just ditched me because she didn’t want to deal with having a brain damaged friend. And she doesn’t even _care_ about how much she hurt either of us. She just thinks she’s right and she won’t listen to reason. I’m not talking to her until she gets over herself. Now can I go?”

Bow stepped aside. He couldn’t in good conscience say he supported Glimmer’s choices. But he wanted peace between his friends.

He wouldn’t force Adora to forgive her, though.

* * *

Adora knocked on Catra’s door, rocking back and forth. The door handle moved, then then a snout poked out, nudging the door open. It really was amazing to see Melog at work.

“Hey buddy. Where’s your mama?”

“Kitchen,” Catra called. Adora stepped in, taking a deep breath.

“ _Wow_. That smells amazing. What’re you making?”

“Chicken enchilada lasagna.” She tried to bend over to look in the oven, then winced. “Ugh. Could you get the pan out of the oven? Preferably without throwing it in the sink.”

“Ha. Ha.”

Adora obliged, grabbing a potholder to pull the pan out. “You seriously cooked this?”

“Yeah. Had to get onboard with the whole healthy lifestyle thing. Something about having a good diet helping with chronic pain. There’s water and juice in the fridge, but they’re all in small bottles and at dog level.” Melog was already sitting next to the fridge, as if waiting to be summoned. “Take the night off, buddy. Go lie down.”

Adora giggled as she went to retrieve a water for herself. “What do you want?”

“Orange juice, please.”

They settled on the couch together, Catra taking a grimacing moment to get comfortable. “You okay?”

“If you ask that every time I look like I’m even mildly in pain, there isn’t going to be a chance to talk about _anything_ else,” Catra said with a snort. Adora rolled her eyes, taking a bit of food.

“Holy — Catra this is _good_.”

“Are you going to sound surprised about everything?”

“No!” Adora said quickly. “I just, you’ve… changed a lot.”

“Yeah, well…” Catra made a face, stabbing her own food. “You’d know more about it if Glimmer wasn’t such a nosy bitch.”

Adora clenched her jaw, glaring at her plate. “Yeah. Yeah. I haven’t… really talked to her. I know I should, but—”

“I’m going to need to see her at work,” Catra grumbled. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her ruin my job, but I _really_ want to punch her.”

“If you do it outside of work, do you think you’ll get in trouble?”

Catra let out a startled laugh. “What the hell, Adora? Never thought I’d hear you say punch Glimmer.”

“I’m mad at her!” Adora set her plate down, throwing her hands up. “She’s looked me in the eye for _eight years_ and acted like… like… she never lied to me! I _trusted_ her! I _had_ to trust her! And she pulled _this_!”

There was a long moment of silence before Catra leaned forward to set her plate down as well. “Maybe she wasn’t totally wrong.”

“Huh?” Adora looked at her, surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I _didn’t_ have to trust her, but I did anyway. I took her at her word when she said you didn’t want to see me, and I ran. I mean, why _would_ you want to see me? I ruined your life.”

“You didn’t force me into the car,” Adora argued. “You didn’t force Lonnie into the car, either. We both made a choice. And Lonnie had _way_ less to drink than either of us.” She paused, grimacing. “I think. I don’t really remember much.”

“And I still made the choice to drive,” Catra said bitterly. “I wasn’t completely braindead. I knew I was drunk. Scorpia even tried to to stop me. But I knew _so much better_ , and look what happened. I fucked up _everything_. So maybe Sparkles was right to—”

“Stop.” Catra jolted out of her melancholy reverie as Adora stood, looking down at her, not _exactly_ glaring, but definitely giving her a hard look. “Just… _stop_ , Catra. Glimmer wasn’t _right_ about anything. How long are you going to ride the self pity train?”

Catra opened and closed her mouth a few times, stunned. “I… I’m not…”

“Yes, you are. The only people who are mad at you are you and Glimmer. Did anyone else yell at you on Instagram? Has anyone else given you shit about it? Hell, Lonnie was in the car too, she busted her arm and leg, and even she didn’t take a shot at you. Because she _knows_ she made a choice. Just like I did. And you’re trying to take that away.”

Catra’s eyes were wide, bewilderment and uncertainty and painful vulnerability. “Adora…”

“Everyone keeps trying to take my choices away from me and I…” Adora took a deep breath. “I’m sick of it. _I_ chose to get in the car. _I’m_ the one who gets to decide if I blame you. _I_ get to decide if I want you in my life. Not you, and not Glimmer. If you… if you don’t want me around, that’s different, and I’ll go. But I want to hear it from _you_.”

Catra looked up at her for a long moment, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t want you to go,” she whispered. “I missed you. I missed you _so much_ , Adora. Every day I wanted to call you or find you or… I don’t know, _anything_. I wanted to talk to you. To know you were okay. To apologize. I’m _sorry_ , for everything. For all the drinking, for the way I treated you, for the accident, for—”

Adora dove in and wrapped her in a tight hug. Catra was stunned, completely still in her arms. “I missed you too,” Adora whispered, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner. I knew it was your Instagram account and I didn’t do anything because I thought… I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. I’m so sorry.”

Shaking arms slid around Adora’s waist, hugging her tight. “You’re such an idiot,” Catra whispered into her shoulder. Adora laughed.

“Yeah. I know.”

They eventually relaxed without really moving. Adora leaned back into the couch, pulling Catra with her, and Catra settled against her chest, letting out a small hum as her eyes fluttered shut. Adora played with her hair, twirling a strand around her finger and staring out the window as she contemplated her next words.

“You know… when Glimmer said you didn’t want to see me, I thought maybe you were… mad about the whole kissing thing.”

Catra immediately shot up, wide-eyed. “You _remember_ that?”

Adora blushed, ducking her head. “Yeah, of course. It was all I’d wanted to do for four—”

She cut off immediately, trying to stop her mouth from betraying her. It was too late.

“Four?” Catra raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Four what, Adora? Days? Weeks? Months?” She faked a gasp. “ _Years_? Were you pining after me for _four years_?”

“Shut up!” Adora shoved Catra away, ignoring her laugh. “Get over yourself.”

“Hey, you said it.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Catra was grinning that absolutely unbearable grin. Adora rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. She had missed this. She had missed this _so much_.

 _She had missed Catra_.

Catra leaned back against her, fitting perfectly under her chin like she belonged there. _She does belong there_ , a voice whispered in the back of Adora’s head. She ignored it, holding Catra tight; tension she hadn’t realized she was holding drained from her shoulders. She had tried so hard to pretend like she was fine, like it never bothered her that Catra had walked away.

What a joke that had been.

* * *

All good things came to an end, of course.

For Adora, that end was around four a.m. Shed was sleeping in Catra’s bed, with Melog between them because she was afraid of kicking Catra. The first dull stabs of a migraine woke her some time around dawn. She groaned, rolling over to hide her face in the pillow. At least Catra’s room didn’t have any windows.

“M’Dora?” Catra mumbled thickly. “S’wrong?”

“Nothin’,” Adora mumbled back. Catra snorted.

“What hurts?”

Damn. Was she that obvious? “My head,” she mumbled reluctantly. “Migraine. Can you call Bow? He knows what to do.”

She hated asking, but she knew the minute she moved, the pain was going to explode. “On it.” Catra rolled out of bed, going to get Adora’s phone. “Passcode?”

“One-zero-two-eight.”

Catra froze with the phone in her hand, blinking. That was her birthday. She shook it off, unlocking the phone and finding Bow’s contact, hitting call. He picked up after several rings.

“‘ _Lo_?”

“Hey, it’s Catra. Adora told me to call you. She has a migraine.”

“ _Aw, dang_.” Bow yawned; blankets rustled as he rolled out of bed. “ _Do you have any painkillers_?” Catra waited for Bow to realize why that was possibly the stupidest question ever. “ _Right. I can try and come get her, but moving is always kind of iffy—”_

“It’s fine, she can stay here. Just tell me what she needs.”

Bow was silent for a moment; Catra could hear a small smile in his voice when he spoke again. “ _Keep her hydrated, try to get her to eat. She likes soup. Nothing too heavy, though._ ”

“I can handle that.”

“ _Thanks_.” Bow paused for a moment. “ _Look, about what Glimmer_ —”

“Can’t handle that,” Catra said immediately. “Talk later, Arrow Boy.”

She hung up, putting Adora’s phone away and going to retrieve her bottle of aspirin. “Up and at ‘em, sunshine. Got something for you to take.” Adora groaned, refusing to move. “Better to do it now than wait for the pain to get worse, right?”

“I hate that you know that,” Adora mumbled, reluctantly sitting up enough to take the aspirin and a bottle of water.

“Blame Spinnerella.”

Catra had to dig through her cabinets a bit, but she found enough stuff to put together a passable stew, and tossed everything into the crockpot. Nothing like teasing herself with a nice smell for eight to ten hours. Melog had slunk out of the room to follow her, but she sent him back to Adora. Having something soft to snuggle was always nice, especially on bad pain days. Or migraine days, in this case.

The morning passed. Catra spent most of it working on her laptop, fiddling with codes and testing designs. Castaspella wanted at least three ideas by their meeting next week. She was almost done with two, but it never hurt to fiddle a little more.

A knock at the door stirred her out of her work-induced trance. She checked the clock, surprised to find it was already almost one. _I wonder if Casta would let me work remote permanently_ , she wondered as she stood to answer the door. The days really did feel more comfortable. And working in sweatpants was nice.

She stopped in the bedroom to make sure Adora was still asleep, then went to answer the door. It was Glimmer, waiting with her arms by her side, jaw clenched tight.

“What the _hell_ do you want?” Catra asked as civilly as she could.

“I’m just checking on Adora.”

“What, afraid I put her in a coma?”

Glimmer took a deep breath, clearly trying to beat back her own temper. Catra knew she had a vicious one; she’d been on the receiving end of it enough times. “Bow or I always try to go home during lunch and make sure she’s okay. My office is a couple streets over. I figured it would be easier for me than for Bow to try and get halfway across the city and back.”

“She’s sleeping,” Catra said shortly. “And by the way, I’m _here_. It’s not like she’s alone.”

“We have a system.”

“I really don’t care.”

Glimmer huffed impatiently. “Are you seriously doing this?”

“Am _I_ —”

Catra shoved Glimmer further into the hall, immediately stepping out and closing the door. She didn’t want to wake up Adora. “ _You_ are the one who lied for eight years. _You_ are the one who fucked up and made our lives miserable because you don’t fucking _like_ me. _You_ are the one who could have told Adora the truth at any point and chose not to. _You_ are the reason I broke five fucking years of sobriety. So yeah, Sparkles, I’m seriously fucking doing this. You’re not coming into my apartment, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that Adora’s still alive, or let Bow come check himself.”

Catra wasn’t _that_ much taller than Glimmer — maybe half a head. But she was skinnier, always had been, and it gave the illusion of height, making it seem as if Catra was towering over the other woman.

Not that Glimmer was one to be pushed around. She drew herself up to her full height, staring back coldly. “And you’re the one who thought driving _drunk_ was a good idea. We all knew you were going to burn out eventually, why should I’ve let you take Adora down as well?”

“Because it was none of your business! Do you even realize how fucked up you sound? You’re not in charge of picking Adora’s friends for her! Fuck, Sparkles, I know I was possessive in high school, but at least I had being drunk as an excuse. What’ve you got?”

“I was trying to protect her!”

“By lying and making her choices for her! How are you not understanding how _wrong_ that is?” They were definitely yelling now. Good thing it was the middle of the day and most of the neighbors were at work. “And yeah, I fucked up, I’m _well_ aware of it, and I’m going to be paying for it for the rest of my life. It’s not up to you to decide that I deserve _extra_ punishment.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t thinking about _you_ ,” Glimmer scoffed.

“Weren’t you, just a little? You can’t tell me you didn’t think for even a second, ‘Hey, this is a great way to get back at Catra and get her out of my life.’ You can sit there and act high and mighty all you want, but you’re lying to yourself as much as you lied to everyone else. You don’t like me. That’s not exactly news. And surprise, I don’t like me that much either. I’ve spent years dealing with the fact that Adora just didn’t want me in her life, and I accepted it. But you? _You_ do not get to make those decisions for her, or for me. Now if you don’t mind, I have to get back to work.”

She walked back into her apartment without another word, shutting the door in Glimmer’s face. Razz would’ve been so proud of her for not hauling off and punching Glimmer.

“Catra?”

Shit. “Hey,” she said quietly as she hurried into the bedroom. “Sorry, I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Mmm.” Adora hummed, shaking her head slightly. “Food did. Smells good.” Catra rolled her eyes. Of course it was food. “Heard you and Glimmer arguing, though.”

“Yeah we weren’t really quiet. I’m sure I can catch her if you want to talk to her—”

“Pass.” Adora snuggled into Melog, holding him tighter. “This is nice.”

“You can’t keep my dog.”

“I knoooooooooow. But I can snuggle with him.”

Catra decided to lie down for a moment, stretching her leg. “Did you name him?” Adora mumbled into his fur.

“Hell no, I’d have come with something way cooler. His trainers named him.”

“If I got a dog, I’d name him Swift Wind.”

“That migraine’s making you delirious.”

“Meanie.”

“Yup.”

* * *

Bow was almost done making dinner when he heard the door open. “Hey, I think Adora is spending the night at Catra’s, so I thought maybe we could watch those dumb rom-com movies she always complains about.”

Glimmer didn’t answer. Bow looked over to see her slumping on the couch, staring gloomily at the TV. “What’s up?”

“Am I bad person?”

Oh boy. This was going to be a rough conversation. “I don’t think you’re a bad person.” He turned off the oven to let the baked mac and cheese cool, and went to join Glimmer on the couch. “I think you made a _really_ bad choice, though.”

“I just wanted to protect her.”

“I know, but… you know how close the two of them were.”

“Yeah, and I don’t get it!” Glimmer threw her hands up in frustration. “Catra was completely… she was just terrible!”

“Adora obviously knew something about her that we didn’t,” Bow pointed out. “And I know you don’t like it, but… they care about each other. And you can’t say you don’t know exactly when Adora started talking to Catra again.”

No, she couldn’t. Adora’s mood had taken a turn for the better a couple months ago. She had never been outwardly unhappy; but it had become more obvious since…

Since she had started talking to Catra again.

Glimmer sighed heavily. “I just didn’t want her to get hurt again.”

“And that didn’t work out great.”

“I _know_ …”

Bow wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in and kissing the top of her head. “I’m sure Adora will forgive you. You know she can’t hold a grudge. But… don’t apologize unless you mean it.”

Glimmer rested her head on his chest for a moment, sighing. “Do I smell mac and cheese?”

“Yup.” Bow grinned. “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

Bow went to get the dish out of the oven, checking some stuff on his phone while he waited for it to cool down. “Aaawwwwww!” he cooed. Glimmer rolled her eyes. Cute Instagram animal.

“What?”

Bow walked back over to show her. It was a dimly lit picture of Adora, fast asleep, arms flung around Melog, face buried in his fur. The caption was, _I got to be @Adora-ble’s service dog today. Mostly I got to be her teddy bear._

It was stupidly cute.

“I bet Adora could get a service dog if she looked into it,” Bow said as he went back to the kitchen. “I doubt she ever _would_ , but it’d probably be good for her.”

“Yeah.” Glimmer leaned back on the couch, staring at the picture. “Probably.”

* * *

“Okay, you’re not going to do anything to make me look dumb, right?” Melog looked up at his human. “Seriously, this is a work meeting. I need dignity.”

More staring. Catra sighed, readjusted her bag, and nudged the door open. She hadn’t _wanted_ to come in, but meeting in person with clients was always easier. Even if it meant dragging Melog with her.

“Oh, Melog’s here!” Casta squealed, clapping her hands in delight. So much for dignity. Catra bit down a sigh. She liked Casta, she really did, but the woman was far too excitable. “Hang on, I think I have a treat for him.”

“He’s not—”

She was already gone. “Supposed to have treats when he’s working,” Catra finished in a mumble, dropping into her seat and mostly ignoring the mother-daughter duo sitting across the table from her.

“Does that happen often?”

Was Angella _really_ going to make small talk with her? “Every time I bring him in,” Catra said, gesturing for Melog to settle under the table and giving him a quick pet. “It’s fine, at least no one bothers him when I’m actually trying to _walk_. He’s good at ignoring distractions, but I’ve definitely almost fallen off a sidewalk a few times.”

“Here we go,” Casta sang, returning with a treat. Melog looked at Catra, who nodded, then took the treat. “What a good boy. Now, designs?”

“Yeah, I’ve got five different examples, hang on. Can I have the HDMI cable?”

Casta reached behind her for the cable, and Catra, after making sure she had everything she needed up and wouldn’t be projecting something stupid onto the screen, plugged it in. “Everything can be mixed and matched as needed, if you like something in one that isn’t in another. Colors can change as necessary, obviously, I just pulled some of the warmer tones from your current website. I used your current pictures as placeholders, but I still _really_ suggest getting new ones taken.”

“Apparently Micah’s offended at the implication that he is _not_ , in fact an amazing photographer,” Casta said, shaking her head. “Spent an hour on the phone with him the other night.”

“I thought he was aware of that.” Angella sighed.

“I revamped all the coding from your current website as well. You should look into getting your money back for that, it was pretty bad. Security holes _everywhere_.”

“It _was_ the nineties,” Casta said. “It was probably an amateur startup.”

“Honestly, I don’t remember anymore,” Angella replied. She looked up at the previews on the screen, tilting her head. “Can we look at number two?”

Catra clicked on the second window, bringing the website up to full screen. “This is a more simplistic design, removed a lot of the extra pages you currently have — brief company description at the bottom, updates in a sidebar over here, stock market information and social media in the opposite bar—”

“They don’t have any social media,” Glimmer said in a clipped voice.

“Well that explains why I couldn’t find any. I can figure out another use for that bar. Anyway, links at the top, the about page has employee info and company info in its own sections instead of having two separate pages — this is actually something I really like about this page in particular. There are two tabs at the top of the page,” she indicated each one with her cursor, “and the employee page can be filtered by name, position, seniority, and so on. And I can add more, that was just what I thought of off the top of my head.”

“Oooooooh.” Casta sounded intrigued. “I like that.”

“I used it in two of the other designs,” Catra admitted. “Oh, all of these are mobile-friendly as well.”

“People can look at it on their phones,” Glimmer translated for her confused mother. Casta sighed, covering her eyes.

“Honestly, Angie…”

“I’m not paying you to judge me, Casta.”

Catra backed out of the preview, pulling up the fifth one instead. “This one goes in a slightly different direction, far more interactive, side links, market information at the bottom of the page…”

It went pretty well, considering Catra felt like someone had taken a hammer to her knee. She ran through her design options and talked over color palettes, and it was pretty obvious Angella had no idea what she was looking at. That must have been why Glimmer was there.

“They all… look good,” the older woman said uncertainly when Catra was done. “I liked that about page.”

Glimmer sighed, and Catra felt a sudden sense of dread. She was going to end up working with Glimmer on this. She just knew it.

“Which one had that contact form?” Casta asked, trying to help. “That was lovely.”

Catra pulled up the fourth design, going to the contact page. “I do like that,” Angella agreed. “Glimmer? Opinions?”

Glimmer looked like someone had made her swallow a lemon. “I dunno. There were bits and pieces that looked good from all of them.”

Catra was already taking notes, checking off the about and contact pages as successes. Those had been an experiment she was pleased with. “Do you remember which bits and which pieces?” Casta prompted.

“I dunno… the market information on the front page was good. Maybe the top bar with the small icons?” Catra brought up the first design without looking away from her notebook. “Yeah, that one. Would that update in real time?”

“Yup. I just threw in dummy numbers for the examples, but there are widgets for market info.”

Casta looked like she was about to explode with joy. Clearly this was going exactly as well as she had hoped. Catra was glad. She knew things were kind of tense considering the whole thing with Glimmer, but she refused to let it interfere with her job.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She frowned, fishing it out just enough to see the unknown number on the screen. She declined the call and focused back on her laptop.

“Everything okay?” Casta had noticed, of course.

“Yeah. Scam call.” It was close enough to the truth. Melog made a noise, resting his head on her foot.

They were mostly discussing colors now, leaving Catra to fiddle with whatever she wanted to change or thought might look better. About ten minutes passed before her phone rang again. _Are you fucking kidding me_.

“I think I need to get this,” she muttered, holding her phone up. “Do you mind…”

“Of course, go ahead! Actually, take your lunch break. Go somewhere not your desk.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Catra grabbed Melog’s harness, letting him lead the way out and making sure she was out of earshot before she answered the call. “What you do you want, you old hag?” she hissed through gritted teeth. The voice on the other end _tsked_.

“ _Is that any way to talk to your mother?_ ”

“Wouldn’t know, never had one.”

Her mother scoffed, thoroughly unimpressed. “ _You’re always so dramatic_.”

“What do you _want_? I’m at _work_.”

“ _Oh, do you have a job? I assumed you were still sitting in your little friends’ guest room, pouting_.”

Catra closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. “Get to your point, or I’m hanging up.”

“ _I know I raised you with better manners_.”

“Raised is a loose way of putting it.”

Catra could practically see her mother shaking her head as she let out a long-suffering sigh. “ _I don’t know why I bother calling_ —”

“To fuck with my head. What. Do. You. Want.”

“ _I’m dying_.”

She said the two words simply, as carelessly as one would speak of the weather. Catra rocked back on her heels, momentarily shocked, then barked out a humorless laugh. “What the hell? Are you seriously that desperate for attention that you’d _lie_ about something like that?”

“ _I’m telling the truth._ ” She still sounded far too calm. God forbid she let her daughter see even a moment of weakness.

“What’s wrong with you?” Catra demanded, willing her voice to stay even.

“ _Cancer. It’s already progressed too far. I’ve decided to opt out of treatment_.”

“And what do you want from me?” Damn it, her voice cracked. “Pity?”

“ _Well, it would certainly be nice to believe my own daughter cares about me, but no_ ,” her mother said dryly. “ _I’ll need someone to sort my affairs_ —”

“Then hire a fucking lawyer.” Darkness was starting to encroach on the edges of her vision. Her breath was thin. Melog whined, nudging her free hand. “I’m not dropping everything just to move back to Thaymor and help _you_.”

“ _Would it kill you to stop being selfish for two minutes?_ ”

The impatient snap shook Catra to her core. She shuddered, free arm wrapping around herself. “Tell someone to call me when you’re dead,” she said shortly before hanging up the phone. Her hands trembled as she tried to shove it in her pocket. “She’s lying,” she whispered fervently. “She’s lying. She’s lying. She… She…”

Melog gently grabbed Catra’s sleeve, pulling her back against the wall so she could slide safely to the floor. He pressed against her; she wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him and trying to breathe. The silence dragged on for a few moments, save for Catra’s ragged breathing.

“Catra?”

 _Fuck_. Of course Sparkles would be the one to find her. A blurry figure appeared in her vision; she would’ve joked about Glimmer looking _concerned_ if she’d had the oxygen to spare. “What’s wrong? Should… Should I get someone? Oh! Should I call Adora?”

Adora was probably the best of those choices. Catra nodded once, choking on air. Fuck. _Fuck_.

Glimmer fumbled to get her phone out of her bag, praying that Adora answered. She did, after two rings, in a clipped tone. “ _Glimmer, I don’t have time for_ —”

“It’s Catra,” Glimmer interrupted. “I don’t know what happened, but she’s freaking out and she needs… not me right now.”

That got Adora’s attention, thankfully. “ _What? What do you mean freaking out? Did someone do something?”_

“I just told you I don’t know—”

“Mom,” Catra managed to wheeze, coughing. “Mom called.”

Glimmer made a disgusted noise. Hatred of Catra’s mother truly was universal. “Her mother called. That explains it.”

Glimmer swore she heard Adora swear. “ _Okay. Casta’s office, right? I’ll get there as soon as I can, just… help her? Please?_ ”

There was a pleading note in Adora’s voice. Part of Glimmer was offended; she wasn’t going to just leave Catra in the middle of a mental breakdown. The other part understood. “I will,” she said quietly. “See you soon.”

She hung up, casting a wary glance at Catra. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted after a minute. “Would it be more helpful for me to stay, or should I talk to Aunt Casta, or…?”

Catra laughed shakily. “D-Do whatever you w-want, Sparkles.”

Glimmer hesitated before moving to sit against the wall beside Catra, with Melog between them.


	4. And I'm Never Going Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes life falls into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, this was a lot. I was really nervous about posting this story at all, so the feedback has been... amazing. Just, thank you. See you at the end.
> 
> TW: Mentions of alcoholism, cancer

Adora was surprised to find Glimmer waiting with Catra. She had mostly calmed down, her hiccoughing sobs reduced to shudders and sniffles. Glimmer met Adora’s eye, then silently stood and headed back into the office. Adora sat on Catra’s other side so she could rub Catra’s back.

“What’s wrong?”

Catra took a few shuddering breaths, shaking her head. Adora wiggled closer, hugging her tight. “Do I need to beat her up?”

Usually that would have gotten her a laugh. Today, Catra just let out a painful, choked noise.

Glimmer returned a few minutes later with a very concerned Castaspella. “What’s going on?”

Catra sucked in a few deep breaths, scrubbing her eyes and using Adora as leverage to help herself up. “M-My um… my m-mother called,” she mumbled, other hand reaching for Melog. The dog understood, nuzzling his head against her fingers. “She’s sick. Cancer.” She looked determinedly at Melog as she spoke. “I’m not — She’s — I don’t need time off to go see her or anything, but um…”

“Go home,” Casta said firmly. “Take the rest of the day off. Work remote for the rest of the week.”

She really did have the most ridiculously understanding boss. “Thank you,” she mumbled, wavering slightly. She had no idea how the fuck she was supposed to get home. The bus was _not_ an option. Uber, maybe?

Adora braced her from behind, gently keeping her upright. The problem of getting home was probably already solved. “I… I need to get my stuff.”

“I’ll…” Glimmer raised an awkward hand before turning and running back to the office. Casta offered a small smile and a shoulder squeeze before turning to follow her. Catra nearly collapsed into Adora’s arms, suddenly exhausted.

“Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

Adora held her tight, kissing the top of her head. “I won’t. I promise.”

Glimmer returned with Catra’s computer bag. The roommates exchanged quiet words before Glimmer turned to walk away, and Adora went back to Catra, shouldering the bag. She took Catra’s hand.

“Let’s go.”

Adora didn’t have the biggest car, but that didn’t stop Melog from forcing himself into the front to keep his head in Catra’s lap, in reach of her wandering fingers. Adora spent five minutes on her phone before they left the parking lot, finally settling on a playlist with soft, gentle music and rain noises. The sound shook Catra slightly out of her stupor.

Catra had been a sad drunk when she hadn’t been partying. When it had just been her and Adora — when she had crawled through Adora’s window after another fight, another beating, cradling whatever cheap shit she could pay an adult to buy for her — she had been sad, and melancholy, and had just clung to Adora. Adora had figured out that soft music made Catra feel better, and that rain noises usually comforted her to sleep.

Catra hadn’t even remembered that. How did Adora?

They drove in silence. Between the music and Melog’s head in her lap, she felt _safe_. She had forgotten how good Adora’s presence could help her feel.

She was more or less limp when they got back to her place. Melog and Adora did most of the work getting her up the stairs and into her apartment. She felt absolutely drained.

“Is it fucked up that part of me wants to go back?” she asked quietly.

“A little,” Adora admitted. “But it’s not your fault.”

Catra nodded once. “Can I sleep?”

“Yeah.”

Her bed had never been more inviting. She collapsed into it, rolling onto her side to get Melog’s harness off so he could jump up and join her. He immediately climbed on her, settling in. “Does… that help?” Adora asked uncertainly. Catra nodded, closing her eyes.

“He’s heavy. S’grounding. Can you get my um… fuck whatsitcalled.”

“Is that an official name?” Adora teased. Catra stuck her tongue out.

“Kitchen cabinet, last one to the right, there’s a bottle of little blue pills shaped like ovals.”

“On it.”

She went back into the kitchen, finding the box and going through the various bottles of pills until she found the requested one. She stopped to get a drink as well before going back to the bedroom.

“Why keep stuff in the kitchen?”

“Something moisture bathroom bad,” Catra mumbled half into her pillow, reaching for the pills and water. She stared at the bottle for a moment before picking out three pills and throwing them back.

“Is that—”

“S’fine. Just wanna sleep.”

“Should I…”

Catra set the water aside and silently reached a hand out. Adora took that as an invitation to lie down with her. They’d been in this position multiple times in their lives, although this was the first time Adora had to share with a dog. She’d deal with it, though. She put the soft music back on and set her phone on the nightstand, letting the sounds lull Catra to sleep.

She waited until Catra’s breathing had been slow and deep and even for nearly half an hour before looking at Melog. “You’ll take care of her?”

The dog didn’t answer, of course. But Adora trusted him. She slid out of bed, grabbing her phone and heading into the kitchen. She didn’t like using information she got from work for personal stuff, but this was an emergency. The phone rang twice.

“ _Hello_?” Netossa picked up, sounding confused. “ _Adora?_ ”

“Um, yeah, hey,” Adora whispered. “I’m sorry, I know this is weird, but I…”

“ _What’s going on?_ ”

“Um… Catra’s mother called.”

“ _Son of a_ —” Netossa cut herself off with a hiss. “ _What did she want?_ ”

“She’s… I don’t know how true this is, but she told Catra she’s dying. Cancer.”

“ _Fuck. Oh_ fuck _her_.”

“ _Tossa?_ ” Adora heard Spinnerella in the background. “ _What’s wrong?_ ”

“ _Catra’s mother. Can you go—?_ ”

“ _Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. On my way_.”

Netossa growled. “ _Spinny’s on her way. How’s Catra?_ ”

“She… She’s not okay. She took, um…” Adora rubbed her forehead, sighing in aggravation. Why hadn’t she looked at the label?

“ _Blue oval pills?_ ” Netossa guessed. “ _Xanax. Helps her chill out and sleep. How many?”_

“Three.”

Netossa whistled lowly. “ _She_ really _wanted to sleep. Okay, she’s going to be out for awhile, and probably out of it when she wakes up. Spinnerella will be there by then, she knows how to handle it_.”

“Okay.” Adora took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll be here. Thanks.” She hung up, checking on Catra. Asleep. Deeply. Good.

Melog stayed to cuddle Catra while Adora set about the apartment, wringing her hands nervously, tidying things here and there, searching the cabinets for food then remembering she couldn’t even boil water. Maybe she could order something. Or, wait, Spinnerella was coming, she could cook, and she knew what Catra liked. Adora was pretty sure she knew what Catra liked, but she had changed her food habits a _lot_. There had been fresh fruit in the fridge. She had said something about healthy eating habits helping with pain. What did she even like anymore?

It was a relief when Spinnerella let herself into the apartment. Of course the couple had their own key.

“You look like you want to crawl out of your skin,” the woman said with a small smile.

“I… I just don’t know what to do for her. I used to, I used to know _everything_ , I thought I still did but… but Catra’s so _different_ now. I don’t even know her favorite foods now!”

Spinnerella put her hands on Adora’s shoulders. “Adora, sweetie. Breathe.” Adora’s hands shook as she closed her eyes to take a deep breath, then another. “I know this is scary.”

“You don’t seem scared.” Adora couldn’t help the slight bitterness in her tone.

“Well… I have a little more experience. Come on.” She started going through the cabinets, getting things out to make something for Catra. “You know we met Catra at the school Pride club.” Adora nodded slowly. “That was when she was Sophomore and we were Juniors. We figured out pretty fast she was… not okay, and pretty much confirmed them about a month later when we found her completely drunk at a frat house party.” Spinnerella shook her head, sighing. “That was the first time we heard about you.”

Adora tilted her head. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, she vaguely mentioned a friend she had cared about in high school during meetings, but never anything specific. I think the memories were still fresh. I’m _sure_ you know how easily she talks when she’s drunk, though.” Adora nodded. “ We brought her back to our apartment to make sure she’d get some sleep and not wander out somewhere. She told us the whole story. Her mother, all the drinking, you kissing her at the party and the accident…

“She sounded so _sad_. I think that was what hit me hardest. Not just depressed or unhappy, but like the world had ended. We had to ask her in the morning if you were still alive because we honestly couldn’t tell from the way she was talking the night before.” Adora’s jaw clenched as she struggled not to cry. “We did our best to take care of her after that. We made sure she had both our numbers and tried to be there for her, as much as she’d let us in.”

“I’m surprised you had the patience for that.”

“She’s stubborn.” Spinnerella chuckled. “But we cared about her. And she started to lean on us a bit more. But she kept her distance until…”

Her voice drifted off. Adora was dying to ask, but she didn’t want to push. “Did she tell you how she came out to her mother?” Adora nodded slowly. “The entire week before that was bad. Netossa made her go to the doctor for her knee, and she was so depressed when she got the news. Then she went to that party, and the call with her mom happened…” Spinerella shook her head. “She cut us off for a bit after that. I don’t know if it was her choice, or if her mother took her phone. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her mother. Either way, we were relieved when she finally called us. She wasn’t drunk, but she was definitely not okay. She’d managed to get halfway to Bright Moon when she had to pull over because she couldn’t focus and she was afraid of crashing. She let us help after we gave her the spare room at our apartment.”

Adora scrubbed her eyes, doing her best not to cry. “Her mother messed her up so much. I should have seen it. God, I _did_ see it, but I was stupid—”

“You were a teenager,” Spinnerella corrected her. “You did what you could.”

“I enabled the drinking. I got drunk _with_ her. We made a game out of it. I knew it was unhealthy, especially how _much_ she drank, but I didn’t know what else to do except… try and take care of her.”

“You were a teenager,” Spinnerella repeated. “You couldn’t fix everything for her.”

“I was supposed to take care of her. I _promised_ to take care of her. She was my best friend. I lo…”

Her voice drifted off. Spinnerella had several pots on the stove at this point, and was hard at work. She threw a gentle smile in Adora’s direction. “You love her,” she finished. “It’s not exactly a secret.”

Adora swallowed hard, nodding once. “I’ve loved her since I was thirteen. I kept expecting it to go away, kept thinking it would just… stop when she was out of my life, when I thought she didn’t care about me. But then I saw her again, and… it never really went away, did it?”

“Probably not,” Spinnerella said. “Love is funny like that. Netossa and I started dating in high school, but we broke up our senior year. I don’t even remember why, really. I think we were scared. It clearly didn’t last long. High school sweethearts doesn’t always feel like a real thing. But we’ve always loved each other.”

“That… didn’t feel weird?” Adora asked quietly. “Angella and Micah told me once that I was too dependent on Catra, and maybe it was better for both of us that she’d cut me off.”

“I didn’t know either of you in high school,” Spinnerella said. “Aside from the stories I’ve heard. But… it’s possible you both needed the time apart. I believe that you loved her in high school — and I’m positive she loved you — but with the way you both were… do you think a relationship could have survived?”

Adora thought about it for a moment. Catra had been her best friend. She had loved her. But she had also been a complete asshole, even when she wasn’t drunk. She had known Scorpia had a crush on her and teased her relentlessly about it. She had bullied Kyle. She had taken her temper out on the other people, including Adora — sometimes, Adora thought she got the worst of it.

“No,” she admitted. “Probably not. Catra has… _really_ changed. If she hadn’t I… I’m not sure she’d still be alive.”

“I think you’re right,” Spinnerella agreed quietly. “And it’s terrible to think about. But you have another chance now. Both of you are in a better place. Don’t let that chance go.”

Adora nodded, resolved and firm. “I won’t.”

Spinnerella smiled. She admired the fierce determination in Adora’s eyes. And she knew how important Adora was to Catra.

She had a feeling they would be okay.

A couple hours passed in a surprisingly comfortable silence. Adora helped Spinnerella, mostly by handing her things, and answered questions every now and again, but mostly she just watched the woman cook. She’d known Spinnerella and Netossa for over a year, she’d worked with them through three different children, but that was all _professional_. This was a personal thing, on a personal level, and it should have been weird, right?

Catra was still sleeping by the time the food was done. Spinnerella was covering it to keep it warm when a knock at the door broke the silence. Adora looked at it suspiciously, as if expecting to find Mrs. Weaver on the other side.

The sight of Bow and Glimmer may have been more surprising.

“What are you guys…?”

Bow held up a Tupperware container. “I made brownies! You know, Lance’s super secret recipe. I brought them to parties a couple times, and Catra always said she liked them. I mean, she was drunk when she said it, but she was probably still telling the truth, right?”

Adora smiled, her gaze slipping to Glimmer, who held up a small gift bag. “Aunt Casta asked me to bring this. It was supposed to be a birthday gift, I guess. I don’t know how she finds the time for all this knitting. I’m starting to think she doesn’t sleep, though.”

Spinnerella had peeked around Adora to see what was going on; her expression hardened slightly when she saw Glimmer. Glimmer definitely saw the glare and flinched back a little. “I can just… leave it and go…”

“No, it’s…” Adora bit her lip, hesitating. It wasn’t okay. But she also just wanted her friends. All of her friends. But this wasn’t about her. But Glimmer had stayed with Catra. Had called Adora. Had helped. Maybe…

Bow stepped forward to hug her tight. Adora met Glimmer’s gaze over his shoulder, then held her arm out. Glimmer smiled weakly before stepping forward to join.

That seemed to be enough to pacify Spinnerella. She didn’t argue as Adora let them in. Melog came out to see what was going on, and Bow let out a quiet squeal of delight.

“Look at him!”

He went to pet Melog, then jumped back with a squeak when Adora slapped his hand.

“He’s working, you can’t bother him!”

“Adora, he’s standing there. I think it’s okay,” Glimmer reasoned.

“Catra’s sleeping,” Spinnerella added with a small laugh. “As long as you’re not bothering him when she’s trying to walk, she’s generally okay with pets.”

Adora twisted her lips into a rueful frown, going to find her tablet. “I’ve done a lot of reading about guide dog etiquette—”

“Of _course_ you have,” Glimmer and Bow said together.

“And I’m sure Catra will appreciate it,” Spinnerella added. “Actually, Melog, are you hungry? Do you want food?” He perked up at the mention of food. “You probably haven’t eaten since this morning, huh? Come on, let’s get you some dinner.”

She went to fill his bowl. Bow set the brownies on the counter, curiously eyeing the pans on the stove. Adora started toward the couch with her tablet, but stopped when Glimmer carefully grabbed her wrist.

“Adora, I’m—”

The blonde pulled her into another hug. “We’ll talk later,” she said quietly. Glimmer relaxed slightly.

“Okay.”

* * *

A hand shook Catra. She groaned, weakly batting it away. “Come on, sleepyhead,” a voice teased. “You need to eat.”

“Not hungry,” she grumbled.

“That’s depression talking.”

“Don’t care.”

“Well, I do, so get up.”

Catra cracked one eye open to glare at Spinnerella. One of the two women who was _actually_ her mother in a way the person who raised her hadn’t been. “G’way,” she muttered.

“Nope. Besides, Adora’s starting to worry that she let you accidentally overdose on something.”

That stirred something in Catra’s groggy mind. She sat up slightly look at the bundle of fur cuddled next to her. “Adora’s still here?”

“Of course she is. Hasn’t left once.” Spinnerella hesitated for a moment. “Her friends are here, too.”

Friends. _Friends_. Bow and Glimmer. Catra’s stomach dropped. She’d had a full-on panic attack in front of fucking Glimmer, of all people. She groaned, dropping back on the bed. “ _Why?_ ”

“Call me crazy, but I think they’re worried about you. Bow made brownies. Something about a super-secret family recipe?”

Catra immediately shot up again. “The triple fudge with chocolate chunks?”

“Sounds right. We haven’t cut into them yet. Felt wrong not to wait for you.” Spinnerella nudged her. “Come on. I made spaghetti with my special tomato sauce.”

“Your tomato sauce that takes like six hours to make?”

“Sweetie, it’s almost nine. And I parred it down a bit to work with what you had. You need to go grocery shopping.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

She weighed her options for a minute. She didn’t want to go out there. Spinnerella would probably let her eat in her room if she just said she didn’t feel good or her knee hurt…

“Tell you what, if you’re not out in ten minutes, I’ll bring you a bowl.” Spinnerella stood, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay if you’re not ready to deal with people.”

Adora was curled up on the couch with Bow and Glimmer, watching videos on her tablet. They had gotten curious about guide dog training, and YouTube had no small amount of puppies learning how to deal with being harnessed.

“Look at his little legs! He’s like a turtle!”

Spinnerella slipped out of the bedroom, half closing the door. Adora looked up, forgetting the puppy entirely. “Is she…?”

“She’s awake. A bit out of it.” Spinnerella went to spoon out some spaghetti. “She may or may not come out, I’m not sure yet.”

Catra did, eventually, make her way into the living room, squinting slightly against the light. She’d changed into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt Adora immediately recognized as her own — it had disappeared _years_ ago. She wondered if Catra even remembered where she got it.

“Hey.” She crossed the room quickly, wrapping Catra in a hug. “You okay?”

“Yeah. No.” Catra clung to her, half hiding her face in Adora’s shoulder. “It’s so stupid. She’s not even… I don’t _care_. She…”

“Eat first,” Spinnerella said gently but firmly. “Process emotions after.”

Bow and Glimmer had taken the tablet and retreated to share the arm chair, watching videos silently and pretending like they weren’t there. Glimmer’s eyes definitely flicked up a few times to watch Catra, but the couple’s presence was only acknowledged with a slight nod as Catra collapsed on the couch, poking at the spaghetti and stretching her leg out. She’d definitely fallen asleep in a weird position; it ached more than she cared to admit.

“Ugh. Hey Melog, can you get me a drink?”

Adora immediately started to jump up, saying, “I’ll get—”

“ _Adora_.” Catra’s tone was short and irritable. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I don’t need Superwoman right now, okay? Let Melog do his job.”

The dog had already gone to the fridge, completely unmired by human social customs and awkwardness, and retrieved a bottle of juice for Catra, carrying it back to her. Glimmer and Bow watched the entire thing in utter fascination. Adora sat slowly, fingers curled tightly in her lap. Catra took the bottle, giving Melog a tired smile and a pet, then pulled open a door in the stand next to the couch.

“Hey dork, catch.”

Adora jumped but reacted, catching the small cube Catra threw at her. “What—?”

“Fidget cube. Just choose a side to play with and relax.”

She looked curiously at the cube, settling on the side with the switch and flipping it a few times before settling into the couch, looking content.

“So who’s feeding Frosta if you’re here?” Catra asked Spinnerella, desperately needing a normal conversation.

“Netossa ordered pizza.” Spinnerella rolled her eyes, checking her phone. “In theory Frosta should be getting ready for bed, but… they’re probably playing Mario Kart.”

Catra snorted. The Switch was a recent addition to the household, mostly insisted on by Catra and Frosta. To be fair, Catra bought them all the games they had, and that was way more than the system and controllers. “Has she figured out yet which part of the screen her kart is on?”

“As of an hour ago, no. Have I said thank you yet for introducing her to that game?”

“Actually, no.”

“Okay, just making sure.”

Catra stuck her tongue out at Spinnerella, who smiled back innocently. “Just wait until she gets to Smash Brothers.”

A long _aww_ from Bow interrupted the conversation. He looked up, grimacing a bit. “Sorry,” he said meekly.

“What are you watching?”

“Guide dog training videos.”

Well _this_ was a no brainer. “I have pictures of Melog when he was a puppy.”

Bow didn’t even bother to hide the longing in his gaze. “You do?!”

Catra smiled despite herself, setting the bowl aside to get her laptop off the table. “His training family sent them to me. Everyone always wants puppy photos.”

She pulled the photos up, handing the laptop over to let Adora deal with her friends. They were immediately all over Adora, wide-eyed.

“Look at him! His ears are so _big_!”

“His stubby legs!”

They were so easy to please, Catra thought as she refocused on her food. Spinnerella moved to sit on the arm of the couch, pulling her into a one-armed hug.

“You okay?”

Catra shook her head, resting her head against Spinnerella’s side. “How does she do this?” she whispered. She could go months without thinking about her mother, and then the bitch just broke back into her life with no effort. Two simple words, and she was all Catra could think about again.

“She’s terrible and manipulative,” Spinnerella said simply. “When’s your next appointment?”

“In two weeks. And no, I’m not scheduling an extra one.”

“ _Catra_.” The exasperated look is fond, but stern. “Sweetheart.”

“Don’t _sweetheart_ me. I don’t need an extra session because my mother decided to crawl out of her hole and…”

And die. She was dying. She said she was dying. “Do you really believe her?” Adora asked uncertainly, as if reading Catra’s mind.

“I…” Catra hesitated. “I don’t know. No. _Fuck_.” She ground the heel of her palm into her eye until she saw stars in half her vision. “I don’t fucking know. She wouldn’t lie about shit like that, would she? That’s twisted. And I’m not exactly about to call her back and—”

“Mermista!”

Everyone looked at Glimmer as she spoke for the first time since Catra had woken up. “Salineas?” Catra asked uncertainly, raising an eyebrow. Glimmer nodded.

“Yeah, she’s a private investigator. She could help get information.”

Catra scoffed. “Mermista is a private investigator? You’ve _got_ to be kidding me. All those mystery novels really went to her head, didn’t they?”

“She’s… surprisingly good at her job.” Adora fished her phone out of her pocket, swiping through the contacts. “I kind of… hired her on the downlow once to get information on a parent.”

“Isn’t that… slightly not legal?”

“I’m not sure. I mean, I never told my boss about it, but I got the information I needed to keep the kid out of the house, so…”

She hit call, putting the phone on speaker. They waited through three rings before a bored voice answered. “ _Yeah?_ ”

“Got something that might be fun for you,” Adora said with a mischievous smile. There was a rustling on the other end, presumably as Mermista sat up.

“ _Fun? Do tell_.”

“Beatrix Weaver.”

“ _Oh, that bitch_.” The eyeroll was practically audible. “ _She out terrorizing school children or stealing babies or some witch shit?_ ”

“We just want to know how honest she’s being about her current health.”

“ _We… ah, of course Kitty is with you_.”

“Watch it, Ariel,” Catra said threateningly. Mermista chuckled.

“ _Down, girl. Anything in particular I should be looking for?_ ”

“She told Catra she has cancer. Terminal.”

“ _Couldn’t have happened to a nicer lady_.”

“She’s also not above lying just to mess with someone else’s head. _Especially_ Catra’s.”

Mermista groaned, disgusted. “ _I hate her so much_.”

Spinnerella raised an eyebrow, smiling faintly. She clearly approved of Mermista already.

“ _So what if I find out she’s telling the truth? You’re not going to go back to Thaymor, are you?_ ”

“Of course not,” Catra huffed, but her resolve wavered. “I… maybe. I just need to know, okay?”

“ _I think I’m legally obligated not to help someone put themselves in danger_.”

“Mermista!”

“ _I’m just saying_ ,” Mermista defended herself. “ _Getting out of Thaymor was the best choice you could make. How many times did you complain about her wanting you to go to a_ local _college so she could keep you home? Or sneak out of the house because your curfew was like, eight p.m.? You escaped. And you don’t owe her a damn thing now if she’s sick._ ”

“I know, I know.” Catra buried her face in her hands, groaning. “I just… I need to know the truth, Mermista. Please.”

Mermista sighed. “ _All right, Kitty. Tell you what. I’ll take this, pro bono, and dig up what I can about your mom. But_ you _are not allowed to go back no matter what I find. Make extra therapy appointments are something, and figure out how to deal with it_.”

Catra smiled humorlessly into her hands. “Didn’t know you cared, Ariel.”

Mermista scoffed. “ _Having a cute dog humanized you slightly. Makes you more tolerable. We got a deal, or what?_ ”

“Deal.”

“ _Cool_.” She hung up without another word. Melog rested his head in Catra’s lap; she scratched his ears absentmindedly, sighing.

“Can I go back to bed?” she mumbled after a moment.

“No,” Spinerella said. “No depression sleeping, remember?”

“Just a little depression sleeping?”

“How about brownies instead?”

Catra perked up slightly at that. “Yeah, okay.”

Spinnerella went to cut into the brownies. “Oh my gosh!” Bow gasped. Catra had forgotten he and Glimmer were looking at Melog pictures on her laptop. “Is this the day you got him?”

Catra leaned back to look at the picture. It was a picture of her sitting on a couch with him on the floor in front of her as she gave the camera a patient smile. “Yeah. We had to go to the facility in Half Moon and spend a weekend there learning a bunch of stuff. Well, _I_ did. Netossa was just nice enough to go with me. And make me listen to her stupid murder podcasts the entire drive there and back.”

“He’s so cute. Are we allowed to tell him he’s a good boy?”

Melog had perked up slightly at the words _good boy_ , and was waiting patiently to find out the answer. Catra rolled her eyes. “ _Yes_ you can tell him he’s a good boy.”

“Can… Can we pet him?”

Spinnerella brought over the brownies. Catra grabbed one, waving Melog along. “Go for it.”

Bow was immediately kneeling and petting him. “You’re a _very_ good boy,” he informed Melog seriously. Adora set the laptop aside, resting a hand on Catra’s knee.

“You okay?” she asked quietly. Catra stared at her hand for a long moment.

“I don’t know. I mean… I’m not sad. Is that wrong?”

“ _No_ ,” Adora said firmly. “She did this to mess with you. Even if she’s actually sick, this was to mess with your head, and you know that. I know you know that.”

She did. Part of that made it worse. Catra slid over to rest her head on Adora’s shoulder, letting out a long sigh. “Thanks for staying,” she murmured. Adora rested her cheek against Catra’s hair.

“Of course, dummy.”

Catra fell asleep again eventually. Adora carried her back to bed, tucking her in. Melog jumped up to join her, cuddling into Catra’s side. Adora smiled, heading back out to the living room.

“I’ll stay with her,” Spinnerella was saying as Adora came back out. “Netossa can handle getting Frosta to school in the morning.”

“I’m staying too,” Adora spoke up. No one questioned that. Glimmer and Bow gathered their stuff, and Adora walked them to the door. Glimmer shot her a questioning look.

“I’ll wait in the car,” Bow said pointedly, heading down the hall. Spinnerella was retrieving a blanket from a closet. Adora stepped out with Glimmer, closing the door behind her and leaning against. Glimmer leaned across the wall across from her.

“Do you remember when we were thirteen,” Glimmer finally started, “and Catra pushed me into the pool during your birthday party?”

Yes, she did. It was one of the rare times she had gotten truly mad at Catra, because it had truly been a dick move. What had started as regular stupid arguing had turned into Glimmer making some comment about Catra being afraid to take off her shirt at a _pool party_ , and Catra had caught her off-guard later, shoving her right into the deep end. Even Bow had been mad. Catra had been banned from the house for over a year.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“For a really, really long time, I… I guess I wanted Catra to feel the same way I did when she pushed me in. I know I was fine, and I got out on my own everything, but there was just that split second where I was terrified, you know? Like, I really thought I was going to drown. And she wasn’t even sorry.”

Catra _had_ told Adora later, after nearly a week of ignored phone calls and texts, that she hadn’t meant to push Glimmer that hard, and she had seen Catra’s face when Glimmer went into the water. She also knew Mrs. Weaver had ensured Catra was “properly” punished. But she’d never apologized to Glimmer.

“She never apologized for _anything_ she did,” Glimmer continued quietly. “I know that’s not the same as not regretting it, but it was so _frustrating_ at the time. Like she just couldn’t admit she was wrong. After the accident I thought maybe she’d feel _something_. But she was the same, miserable person she always was, and I got _so mad_ … I just wanted her to apologize. I didn’t expect her to run away.

Adora blinked a few times, putting the pieces together. “You told her I didn’t want to see her to make her apologize?”

“At least to you! She’d hurt you, and I… I knew you would just forgive her no matter what she said, because that’s how you _always_ were with her. I wanted her to be sorry. I wanted her to be scared, just for a minute. But she left, and I… I couldn’t tell you the truth. And then I thought maybe it was just better. If she wanted to be selfish like this, then maybe she didn’t deserve to have you. And I _know_ it wasn’t my choice to make. And I should have told you. I just… thought it would be better.

“But I saw her today, and she… she looked like she was drowning. I’ve never seen anyone that scared.” Glimmer’s eyes flicked to the door Adora was leaning against. “She’s changed.”

“Yeah,” Adora said quietly. “She’s changed. A _lot_.”

Glimmer sighed, shoulders dropping. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you, and I’m sorry for thinking I wanted to see her hurt. Because actually seeing it was… terrible.”

Adora looked Glimmer up and down. “You have to apologize to her, too.”

“I know. I will. This just didn’t seem like a great time.”

“Yeah. Probably not.”

Adora held out her arms. Glimmer smiled weakly, stepping into the hug and returning it. “I should get going before Bow worries we’re killing each other,” she said finally. Adora laughed.

“Bow thinks I could take you in a fight to the death?”

Glimmer rolled her eyes, smiling. “Let us know if you need anything, okay? Or… Or Catra.”

“Gonna be weird being nice to her?”

 _“So_ weird.”

They exchanged another hug before Glimmer left, and Adora let herself back into the apartment. “No murder, I’m assuming,” Spinnerella said. She was putting away the last of the dishes.

“Nope. I think it’ll be okay.” Well, _Adora_ and Glimmer would be okay. If Catra didn’t want to forgive her, that was her choice. And she would be completely justified.

“Good. They seem like good people. Even if I’m not completely wild about the one who lied to Catra.” That was also fair and justified. “Something tells me she’s not going to work tomorrow.” Spinnerella nodded toward the door. “I was going to drag her to our house in the morning. Not much to do there besides play with the Switch, which I’m sure she’d love, but it’s better than her being here alone.”

“I… was going to call out, honestly,” Adora admitted. “Or work remote. I don’t want to leave her right now. And all I have to do tomorrow is paperwork. I can get that on my laptop.”

The smile Spinnerella gave her was a little too knowing. “Sounds good. Sleep well, Adora.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Melog looked up as Adora slipped into the room, crawling under the covers. She texted Glimmer to bring her some extra clothes before settling into bed.

* * *

Catra had planned on trying to work. She really did. But she woke up around four a.m. with her heart racing and her mind spiraling and Melog on top of her as she cried over a dream she couldn’t remember, and that put an end to any delusion that working was a possibility. She emailed Castaspella from her phone, clung to Melog, and fallen back into an uneasy sleep. It was nearly noon when she woke up again to Melog licking her face.

“Ugh, go away,” she groaned, trying to shove the dog back. He licked her hand, message clear — get out of bed. No depression sleeping. “ _Fine_.” She dragged herself up, thinking maybe she could just sleep on the couch…

But her couch was already occupied.

“What’re you doing here?”

Adora looked up from her laptop, blinking. “Well, um… I just thought, ya know, you probably shouldn’t be alone, and I didn’t have anything pressing in the office today, so my boss said I could just work from home, and… I can go, if you want.”

No. No Catra did not want. She crossed the room silently, sitting on the couch, then sliding over and resting her head against Adora’s thigh, right next to her laptop. Adora brushed a hand through her hair, smiling faintly.

“Okay.”

* * *

They fell into a surprisingly easy routine for the next few days. Adora stayed every night, although she had to leave for a few hours during the day to deal with one foster kid or another.

Catra worked remote, busying herself with podcasts while she worked, determined not to think of anything else. Melog reminded her to eat and forced her to leave to walk him, but aside from that, she mostly stayed home. She made dinner when Adora came home. They ate together and relaxed. They fell into bed together at the end of the night.

They didn’t talk about anything that mattered.

Adora was late Friday night. Catra was zoned out on the couch, watching TV, when she finally walked in, furiously massaging her temples. “You okay?” Catra asked, sitting up.

“Headache,” Adora mumbled. “I hate lawyers.”

Catra’s eyebrows went _way_ up. “Lawyers?”

“Long story.”

“Well, it’s Friday, so fuck it. You don’t have to think about it again until Monday.” She hauled herself off the couch, grabbing her cane. It was getting easier to let Adora see this particular weakness. “C’mon.”

They went into the bedroom, Adora gratefully swapping her work clothes out for sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Lie down,” Catra ordered. “On your stomach.”

“Bossy.”

Catra rolled her eyes, lightly shoving Adora with the cane. She smirked, but did as she was told. Catra joined her a moment later, positioning herself so she could stretch out her leg, and began kneading her fingers against Adora’s skin. It hurt, but it felt _good_. Adora groaned, burying her face in the pillow.

“That’s new.”

“I’ve tried literally every single thing the doctors could think of to help with pain.” Catra scoffed. “I tried _acupuncture_. Once. And only once, because fuck letting anyone stick needles in me, but still. Massages were probably the things that worked best, and even those weren’t _great_ , but they at least helped me figure out where I was holding tension. Unsurprisingly, _you_ hold yours in your big, stupid head.”

“Mean,” Adora said with a pout. Catra’s thumbs pressed right into the base of her neck, catching her by surprise. She yelped, and Catra quickly pulled back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t expecting that, but yeah. I’m good.”

It really did help, much to Adora’s surprise. Not completely, but it took enough of the edge off that she didn’t feel like there was a knife actively trying to cut her head open. Some aspirin and some food, and she’d probably be good.

Eventually, Catra flopped back to lie with her, flexing her fingers. “You should probably go home tomorrow,” she said after a moment. “I’m sure Sparkles and Arrow Boy miss you.”

Adora laughed, hoping to cover up any hurt that might slip into her voice. “ _Trust_ me, they’ve ordered Indian food every night this week and watched every single romcom they could find on Netflix.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Seriously, _romcoms_?”

“That’s what I said!” Adora scoffed, putting on a poor imitation of Bow. “But Adora, they’re so _cute_!”

“They’re _stupid_. ‘I saw you working at a coffee shop and you’re cute so now I go there every day’? Dude, that’s stalking. Oh, and ‘we’re total opposites and nothing about us should work but it _magically_ does.’ And _fake dating_.”

“Fake dating!” Adora giggled, hiding her face in her hands. “That’s one of their favorites.”

“Of course it is!” Catra threw her hands in the air. “How about a fake divorce? Hey, your parents are rich assholes who’ll give me fifty-thousand dollars to leave you so I pretend to break up with you until the check’s cleared.”

“Are you kidding, Catra? You have to get it in _cash_ so you can just leave the country or whatever.” Adora shook her head, clearly disappointed. “Come on, you have to think out your terrible story tropes better than _that_.”

“Oh _what_ , are you writer now? Everyone’s a damn critic.”

They were both laughing too hard for any more conversation. Catra rolled over to rest her head on Adora’s shoulder, letting out a relaxed sigh. Adora wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close.

“What about ‘I’ve had a crush on you since middle school and I’m pretty sure it’s not going away’?” Adora asked after a minute. Catra wanted to laugh and make a comment, but she knew this wasn’t a hypothetical.

“Sounds pretty pathetic.”

Adora smiled despite herself. “Yeah. It is. Not very funny, though.”

“Kind of a sap, honestly. What genre would that be?”

“Hopeless?” Adora laughed. “Hopeless romantic.”

“Sounds right.” Catra rolled her eyes with no heat. “So what does the sap do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, does the sap tell the crush? Do they get together and live happily ever after?”

Adora tilted her head. “It _is_ a movie. But I guess the sap would be scared. What if the crush doesn’t feel the same way? What if there’s never a right moment?”

Catra lifted her head. “Adora?”

“Yeah—?”

She was cut off as she turned her head, and Catra kissed her. It was slow, and gentle, and everything their first kiss wasn’t. Catra half settled on Adora’s chest, hand cupping her cheek. Adora’s hand slid up to hold the back of Catra’s neck.

They broke apart eventually, foreheads resting together. “Wow,” Adora mumbled. “That’s so much better sober.”

Catra cracked, laughing. “You’re such a fucking _dork_. So what does the sap do now?”

“Well… the sap is… pleased with how things have been going so far, _but_ they’re still a little concerned about—”

Catra knocked her knuckles lightly against Adora’s head. “The sap needs to get out of her head for a minute and read the room.”

Their eyes met, an entire conversation passing in the silence. And Adora smiled. “Okay.”

Catra settled against her, tucking her head under Adora’s chin. She fit like she belonged there.

Maybe because she did.

* * *

“It really is amazing how many people will follow an Instagram that’s just dogs.”

“ _You_ follow an Instagram that’s just dogs. A dog, actually. One singular dog.”

A knock at the door interrupted the discussion. They looked up from Catra’s phone, then exchanged glances, before Adora stood to answer. She almost didn’t recognize the figure behind the towering pile of Tupperware containers.

“Bow stress baking again?”

“You know what midterms are like.” Glimmer groaned. “Help?”

Adora took half the pile, hesitating before looking back at Catra. Her lips were pressed in a wary line, but she nodded. “Come on.”

Glimmer followed Adora inside, sighing as she finally set down the last of the burden. “You aren’t seriously leaving all these here,” Catra asked incredulously.

“We’re out of room. And I’ve already given my parents and Aunt Casta as much as they’ll take. And none of it is tiny, so Entrapta isn’t interested, and none of it’s vegan, so—”

“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll… bring it to Sunday dinner or something.” Catra sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. The silence that followed was definitely awkward. Adora had told her about the conversation with Glimmer. And Catra knew she should have one as well. She wasn’t sure she was ready. But she wasn’t sure she would ever be ready.

So she nodded again to Adora, who mumbled something about running to the store before taking her keys and leaving. “So what’s up, Sparkles? Grab a brownie or something. I apparently have plenty.”

Melog rested his head on Catra’s knee, betraying her flippant attitude. She was anxious, and he knew it. “There’s some cake, actually,” Glimmer said. “And cookies. He really branches out when he’s stressed.”

“That’s… impressive.” Catra scratched Melog’s ears, taking a deep breath. “Look we don’t… _need_ to talk about this…”

“I won’t make you,” Glimmer said. “But… I’d like to.”

“Why? I mean, if you’re not sorry—”

“I am. Sorry, I mean. I…” Glimmer rubbed the back of her head, taking a deep breath. “I made a decision when I was angry. And you’re right. I wanted you to hurt. And I was scared for Adora, and I did something terrible. And I thought maybe… I don’t know. Maybe if you never came back, it would just be better. I kind of convinced myself that it was just better. That you hadn’t changed at all. That you were still the same, selfish person. But…”

She sighed, shoulders falling. “But you’re not. Part of me is still angry about the car accident, but it’s between you and Adora. And I’m… I’m sorry I took that away from you.”

Catra watched her for a moment, still scratching Melog’s head. “Tell you a secret, Sparkles? You can’t hate me more for the car accident than I do. And not just because my knee is more accurate at predicting weather than most modern scientific instruments.” She looked down at her knee, lips twisting into a wry smile. “It never occurred to me that you might be lying to me, because why wouldn’t Adora hate me? Everyone _should_ hate me. I drank to forget what a terrible person I am. Then I went to therapy when I got sober and realized how fucked up I was.”

“Yeah, but…” Glimmer shrugged. “Adora sees _something_ in you. So you can’t be completely awful.”

“Guess I’ve got that going for me,” Catra replied, looking up to meet Glimmer’s gaze. She smiled uncertainly.

“So… what now?”

“Well…” Catra looked around. “I’ve got a shit-ton of baked goods and a mysterious gift bag. Help me eat and investigate?”

“Oh, that’s from Aunt Casta!”

Glimmer grabbed some cookies, hurrying to join Catra on the couch. “I guess it was supposed to be a birthday present. Does she do that a lot?”

“Oh yeah, everyone gets birthday and holiday gifts. It’s _insane_.”

Adora wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she returned an hour later. But Glimmer and Catra sitting on the couch, eating cookies, Catra holding a knitted Melog and laughing at a story Glimmer was telling, was not it.

“And Adora was _convinced_ she was eight feet tall and that was why she kept stumbling—”

“What the _fuck_ was she drinking?” Catra wheezed, doubling over and laughing.

“I don’t _know_! Bow and I had to _carry_ her back to the dorm—”

Adora glared at them, completely betrayed. “I don’t think I like this friendship,” she muttered, kicking her shoes off.

* * *

“Deep breath.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I _know_ , Netossa.”

It was Frosta’s day with her father, so Adora had dropped Catra off at the same time she picked the girl up. Netossa had decided this was a great time to find an empty parking lot and practice driving.

Catra was already starting to regret this.

“Hey.” Netossa rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m serious. We can turn around right now and go home, no harm done. You can teach me how to play Smash Brothers.”

Catra almost laughed. “I’m not helping you beat a twelve year old—”

“Thirteen.”

“Not for another two weeks.” Catra took a deep breath, resting her hands on the steering wheel again. They were already shaking, fingers gripping the wheel so hard that her knuckles were turning white. Melog whined from the backseat, clearly displeased with his human’s mental stress.

“We were thinking about having a small party and asking her dad to come.”

“Really?” Foot on the break. Shift the car into drive.

“Yeah. Adora’s been trying to get him to slow down the whole taking custody process. Baby steps, you know? They’re going to therapy together. Working through things.”

“That’s great.” Foot slowly off the break. Let the car ease forward just a little.

“You have to promise not to punch her father if you meet him.”

“I would never.” Foot slowly moved to the gas, pressing down just a little—

_“Catra, slow down!”_

_“Oh shut up or walk, Lonnie, it’s_ fine _—”_

 _There was a sharp bump as the car jumped the curb_ —

“Okay, okay!”

Netossa pulled the emergency break, jarring the car to a halt. Catra shook herself out of the hazy memory and realized she was hyperventilating, and the car was revving as her foot crushed down on the gas. She quickly let up, trembling, and pressed on the break so she could put the car in park.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Netossa assured her, rubbing her back. “It’s okay, really. This is your first time behind the wheel in, what, five years? It’s okay.”

Catra rested her head against the steering wheel, caught between hiccuping and gasping for air. Melog wiggled out from the backseat to press two paws against her back. “Five things?” Netossa asked. Catra shook her head. “Four in, four out?” She considered for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, try to follow. Inhale and one… two… three… four…”

It took a few minutes, but finally Catra was breathing again, mostly steady, though tears were still slipping down her cheeks. She let out a frustrated growl, rearing her fist back to hit something.

“Nuh uh.” Netossa grabbed it quickly. “You’re not going there again.”

She opened and closed the fist a few times before nodding and letting it drop. Netossa gave her another minute before saying, “Do you want to go home? We can try again another day.”

Catra looked up, staring out at the empty parking lot. “One more time,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes. “Just one more. Please?”

Netossa nodded, smiling softly. “Okay. One more.”

They settled back in their seats, Melog reluctantly returning to the back. Catra took a deep breath, and put the emergency break down.

“Do you think Adora would want to stay for dinner tonight?”

Foot on the break. Put the car in drive. “Why would she want to do that?”

“Well, Spinny makes great food. And of course, as your potential new girlfriend, _we_ have to approve of anyone you consider dating.”

Foot slowly off the break. Let the car roll forward a little. “Oh really? Since when?”

“Did you not the read the rule book you got at gay orientation?”

Foot slowly on the gas. “I think i skipped that.”

“It clearly states that any adopted gays must have their partners approved by their adopters.”

Foot slowly pressing on the gas. The car revved slightly. Catra shuddered with it. “You _know_ Adora.”

“I know her professionally. But personal is a completely different thing. And if she’s going to date you, she needs to be vetted.”

The speedometer ticked up to five miles. Ten. Catra hit the breaks a little harder than necessary, letting out a rough breath.

“Okay. I’m done.”

Netossa squeezed her shoulder, smiling. “That was great. Really.”

“Yeah. It was something.”

Catra crashed into the guest bed when they got back, sleeping until Frosta walked in and unceremoniously jumped on top of her.

“What — get off me, jesus!”

“It’s dinner time.”

“You ever heard of _shaking_ a person to wake them up?”

Frosta shook her several times. “It’s dinner time.”

“No shit.”

Adora hadn’t been _quite_ sure what to say when Spinnerella cheerily invited her to stay for dinner — clearly as a _guest_ of their adopted semi-daughter’s rather than their foster daughter’s social worker. _Yes_ had seemed like the right answer, at least until Catra came downstairs and saw Spinnerella talking Adora’s ear off.

“Are you _kidding_ me?”

“I told you,” Netossa called from the living room. “We have to approve.”

It was… fun, seeing Catra with Spinnerella and Netossa. Adora had visited Catra’s house exactly twice, running into her mother both times despite Catra’s best effort. The house had always been cold, impersonal, like robots lived there rather than a mother and her teenage daughter. Even Catra’s room had been immaculate, though not by her own choice. Catra was careless chaos — left to herself she could keep order, but in her own way that involved small piles and designated places for things like her phone and pens and notebook. Perfectly made beds and desks with empty surfaces weren’t her. She was quiet around her mother, almost stuttering in her attempts to keep conversations short and get out of the house.

Here, however, she seemed almost at home. She snarked at Netossa and Spinnerella, joked around with Frosta like they were sisters, made herself comfortable. Melog even had a set of dog bowls near the table, one topped off with water, and the other waiting to be filled with food.

“Hey Frosta, can you feed Melog?” Catra called when she noticed the dog sniffing around the bowl.

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Can’t bend.”

Frosta groaned loudly, slumping over to the dog. She immediately became Melog’s new favorite person when she poured the food in his bowl. “Are you guys, like, dating?” she asked, looking between Adora and Catra.

“What’s it to you?”

“It’s _weird_.”

Catra patted Frosta’s head, lowering herself into one of the chairs. “I’ve known her longer than you’ve been alive. You don’t get an opinion.”

“So you _are_ dating.”

“None of your business either way, pipsqueak.”

Spinnerella shook her head, giving Adora a sad look. “I wish I could say they usually behave, but this how they act to be honest.”

Adora was too busy coughing down a laugh to answer, or notice the fond look Catra was giving her. Spinnerella saw it, of course. She smiled to herself as she turned back to the stove.

Dinner was chicken alfredo with pasta. Melog had already finished his own food and was waiting near Frosta’s chair when the food was served. “Melog, go lie down,” Catra said, snapping her fingers at the dog. He made a low, mournful noise but made his way out of the kitchen. Adora vaguely recalled seeing a dog bed in the corner from one of her visits to the house.

“How was your visit with your dad?” Netossa asked Frosta once they were all settled. She shrugged, stabbing her pasta.

“It was okay.”

“Did you ask him about your birthday?”

“Yeah. He said he was hoping I could spend the day with him and stay at the house.”

Catra’s eyes flicked to Frosta, then Adora. “Is that allowed?”

Adora rubbed the back of her neck, grimacing. “If I sign off on it, yes.”

“Would you?”

This was a weird intersection between personal and professional that Adora didn’t particularly like. “It’s really between the two of them, at this point.”

Frosta harumphed, staring at her plate. Nothing was getting settled tonight.

* * *

Adora wasn’t sure how she got away with just going to Catra’s every night for another week. But Catra never argued. Adora dropped her off at work in the morning, picked her up at the end of the day, and then brought her back to her apartment, where they’d spend the night talking about their days, making dinner, watching TV, and eventually going to bed.

Glimmer and Bow noticed, of course.

“ _I’m just saying, our lease is up in three months_ ,” Bow pointed out on the phone one night. “ _Maybe…_ ”

“I’m not asking to move in with her _tomorrow_ ,” Adora hissed. “I’m still terrified to share a bed with her.”

“ _Does she sleep fight too?_ ” Glimmer asked. Things with her were… a work in progress. Adora had continued going to therapy, trying to talk through everything. She _wanted_ to forgive Glimmer. It was just hard.

“I punched you _once_. And no, I’m just worried about kicking her knee or something. Melog sleeps between us, but it’s not exactly the biggest bed.”

“ _Buy a new bed?_ ”

“Still not asking to move in with her tomorrow.”

Adora’s phone beeped. She pulled it away to see Mermista’s name on the caller ID. “Hey, I’ve gotta go. Talk later. Don’t get rid of my stuff.” She quickly hung up and answered again. “Hello?”

“ _Got your kitty with you?_ ”

Adora peeked out of the bedroom. Catra was asleep on the couch, heating pad resting on her knee. “Is it worth waking her up for?”

“ _Oh yeah. Definitely_.”

Something was going on, then. Adora went to the couch, gently shaking Catra. “Hey. Mermista’s got something.”

Catra blinked blearily a few times before nodding and sitting up. Adora sat with her, putting the phone on speaker. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

“ _Right_.” There was a shuffling of papers. “ _Mom of the Year surprisingly downplayed how bad it is. She has stage-four liver cancer, already terminal by the time they found it. Either she got really sick, really fast, or she was sick for awhile and just hoped God would make it go away._ ” She paused. “ _Wait, should I be respectful about this?_ ”

“No, it’s fine,” Catra said tiredly, resting her head on Adora’s shoulder. “Just get on with it.”

“ _Okay. So yeah, definitely sick. Apparently determined to stay home because she’s been in and out of the hospital three times in the last week, and Sea Hawk said it looks like she’s hired a live-in nurse. Whatever the nurse is getting paid, it’s probably not enough. Prognosis looks like six months, if she’s lucky._ ”

Catra shuddered; Adora ran a hand through her hair, kissing her temple. “All right. Thanks, Mermista.”

“ _Happy to help. And_ …” She hesitated for a minute. “ _Look, I’m not completely heartless—_ ”

“It’s fine,” Catra said quickly. “Don’t — just, thank you for looking into it. Hit me up next time you’re in Bright Moon, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“ _Sorry Kitty, I’m taken_.”

“Yeah, but we both know I’m better than Sea Hawk.”

“ _It’s… hard to argue with that_.”

Adora rolled her eyes, ending the call. Catra pressed closer to her, letting out a long, shuddering sigh. “You okay?” Adora asked quietly.

“No. Yes. I’m not sure.” Catra tugged at her hair. “I… I should be sad she’s dying, right?”

“You don’t owe her anything,” Adora reminded Catra. “Including your sympathy. She burned that bridge the first time she hurt you.”

Catra nodded, moving to clutch Adora’s arm. “Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

A very long silence followed. Catra hesitated before looking up, heart pounding. Adora’s eyes were wide, lips split into a wide grin.

“You gonna answer, or…?”

“What? Oh.” Adora shook herself out of her stupor, half pulling Catra into her lap. “Awesome.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Catra groaned, shoving Adora away. “I take it back. I hate you.”

“Nope, too late!” Adora held her tight, giggling. “You love me!”

I do _not_! Get off me!”

“You saaaaaaaaaaaaaaid it!”

Catra groaned, rolling her eyes heavily. “Melog, attack.”

Melog just stared at them, clearly not understanding what was happening. Useless.

* * *

“So you _do_ still live here,” Glimmer said as Adora walked in. She stuck her tongue out at her friend.

“ _Yes_ I still live here. Jeez, I spend a few nights at Catra’s…”

“It’s been like, three weeks. And you’re only here because she kicked you out, aren’t you?”

“No.” Glimmer raised an eyebrow. “Maybe. She has therapy, and it’s not too far from here, so I figured…”

“You’d leave your laundry for Bow and pick up new clothes?”

Adora continued to her room, pretending she hadn’t heard that. “Where _is_ Bow?”

“Helping his dads clean the house.”

“How’d you get out of that?”

“Rolled my ankle right before we were supposed to leave.” She had it propped up on a pillow and everything. “Woes me. The pain. The pain.”

“Very believable.” Adora walked back out, leaning on the back of the couch. Glimmer smirked back at her. She _had_ actually hurt her ankle that morning, and Bow _had_ accepted it as an excuse not to help clean out his fathers’ attic. Begrudgingly. “I suppose you’re in too much pain to do lunch with me and Catra? I was gonna introduce her to the diner.”

“I… think I can manage,” Glimmer said after some _serious_ deliberation. “I mean, we’re supposed to be talking and trying to work things out, right?”

“You just want the brownie ice cream.”

“I can prioritize _both_.”

“Uh huh. You have forty minutes to prepare yourself.”

Glimmer settled into the couch, checking her phone. She knew Adora. Catra knew Adora. No one was worried about being on time. She opened Instagram and was surprised when Melog was the first post on her timeline.

“Oh! I get to see Melog’s Instagram again!”

Adora peeked out of her room, surprised. “Really? Also you’re going to see him in _person_ today.”

“Bow’s going to be so jealous.”

“Better save him some ice cream.”

They only left ten minutes late, which was rather impressive. Adora really was trying for Catra.

Catra had said she’d be waiting outside when Adora picked her up, and Adora assumed she would be done before they got there. But there was no sign of her as they pulled up in front of the building. Adora frowned, putting the car in park and taking her phone off the car speakers to call. Catra picked up after about five rings.

“ _Hey_.” Her voice was stuffy and slightly scratchy. She’d been crying. “ _Sorry, appointment went a bit long. I’ll be out in a minute_.”

“Are you okay?”

“ _Yeah_.”

Adora heard a faint voice in the background reprimanding Catra for lying. “ _I know, I know_ …” Catra sighed as she hung up. She came out about two minutes later, still rubbing her eyes.

“Wanna talk about it?” Adora asked uncertainly as she Catra got into the backseat. Melog settled in, resting his head in her lap.

“No,” she mumbled, scratching Melog’s head and sighing faintly. “Let’s just get lunch. This diner you keep talking about better be amazing.”

“It is,” Glimmer assured her. “We scoped out all the places in the area when we moved.”

“Is there a spreadsheet?”

“Of course there’s a spreadsheet. It’s color coded and everything. And we have it on our phones.”

Catra looked up, raising an eyebrow. “Can I see?”

Glimmer pulled it up on her phone and passed the phone back for Catra to read as they drove. “What’s not Adora friendly?”

“Places Adora _thinks_ she can eat at, but the food is too spicy.”

“I can handle it!” Adora insisted, pouting.

“You were _crying_ last time we went to the Indian place down the street,” Glimmer reminded her.

“Just because of how good the food was!”

“Uh huh.”

“Aw, be nice to her, Sparkles,” Catra said with a small, mischievous smirk. “It’s not her fault she’s white as fuck.”

Adora spluttered incoherently while Glimmer laughed. “I don’t like the two of you getting along,” she finally grumbled.

* * *

Bow returned home not long after sunset, muscles aching, car full of his childhood. He had no idea where they were going to put all of this. Maybe Adora wouldn’t mind turning her room into storage since she had all but moved in with Catra anyway.

He yawned, rolling his shoulders as he let himself into the apartment — and stopped when he saw the couch completely occupied. Glimmer, Adora, and Catra were passed out, Glimmer and Catra resting on Adora’s shoulders, Melog sprawled out at their feet. Bow bit down a giggle, slipping his phone out of his pocket and taking a picture.

* * *

“My name is Catra. I’ve been sober for…” She paused to count. “Six months, two weeks, and five days. I spent most of high school drunk and I can’t even say I barely made it to graduation because I wrapped my car around a light pole with two friends inside a week before. I did pass, though.”

Another pause to collect her thoughts as she rocked on her heels, using her cane to balance herself. “Burned out in college, got sober for about five years, blew that, reconnected with the friend I nearly killed in the car accident who I also had a crush on before I knew I was gay. I think we’re dating now. I think we’re living together now. She swears she’s just staying until she can find a place, but I think I’ll keep her just for the free ride. And um… my mom died this week. Two days ago. Not much love lost, honestly, she was my alcoholic role model. Liver cancer. I’m not going back for the funeral or anything, she cut me off years ago. Part of me’s kind of… relieved, I guess? My therapist promises that’s a normal feeling since she abused me for most of my life. Still feels terrible and I’d kill for a drink, but… I’m here instead, so that’s something.”

Huntara nudged her as she sat, giving her a smile.

Adora was waiting when Catra left the meeting. She looked up from her phone as her girlfriend climbed into the car. “How’d it go?”

“Oh, fantastic. AA is a great crowd, full of laughs.”

Adora rolled her eyes, shoving Catra gently. Catra smirked back. “I don’t know why I still drive you around.”

“Because you love me. Also, you’ve basically moved in to my apartment. I’m looking at bigger beds since you insist on having Melog sleep between us. The least you can do is drive me places.”

“Aw, you’re letting me stay with you? Do you _like_ me? That’s so embarrassing.”

“You know what, screw you. Go sleep on Glimmer’s and Bow’s couch.”

Adora just hummed, grinning as the GPS directed them toward home. She’d remember the address eventually, she’d promised, like Catra would really judge her for needing the help.

“It just feels stupid,” she had protested after a disasterous adventure trying to get from Catra’s job to her apartment — a fifteen-minute ride that took them almost an hour, during which Adora had repeatedly insisted she knew exactly where they were. “I’ve been driving you for weeks. I hate that it’s so hard for me to remember.”

Catra had raised an eyebrow, pointing to Melog and raising a cane. “Is it stupid that it’s hard for me to walk?”

“No, of course not, but—”

“But nothing. You’ve got brain damage, I’ve got arthritis. We both have our crutches. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

She had gently hit Adora with the cane just to drive the point home. Adora had been a little less self-conscious after that.

One of the other big benefits of having Adora around full time — she could take Melog out for a nighttime walk while Catra relaxed or made dinner. She didn’t _mind_ walking Melog — at one time, it had been the only thing that got her out of the apartment. But sometimes her knee hurt, or she was too tired, or Adora had too much energy and a nice long walk would help work it off.

Tonight it was a mix of all three. Melog was smart; he knew when Adora was finally starting to wind down and would allow her to bring him home. It usually took an hour or so, giving Catra plenty of time to put a meal together.

Maybe they needed a small dining table, she thought as she stirred the spaghetti. But that might tempt Spinnerella and Netossa to come over more. The empty-nest syndrome had hit hard when Frosta had gone back to her father, and they were refocusing their energy back on their baby gay.

Her phone rang as if on cue. She smiled, answering and putting it on speaker. “Hey Snowflake.”

“ _Hey Kitty_.” There was a ruffling noise, presumably as Frosta flopped on the bed. _“Are we still playing Splatoon tonight?_ ”

“Of course we are, I promised, didn’t I?”

“ _You’re late_.”

“AA went longer than usual. I’m making dinner, and Adora’s walking Melog.” Frosta let out a long-suffering sigh, like she was the most inconvenienced thirteen year old in the world. “How’re things with your dad?”

 _“They’re good. He tries to play games with me, but he’s worse than Netossa_.”

“Yikes.”

“ _Yeah, it’s_ really _bad. He’s trying, though. He even took extra time off work to spend with me_.”

Catra smiled despite herself. She’d been wary about Frosta’s decision, but at least her dad was trying. It was more than Catra’s mother had ever done. And it was everything Frosta deserved. “That’s awesome.”

They talked until Adora came home, and Catra finished their food. Then they settled in for a couple hours of paint-gun warfare with Frosta until she had to go bed. Adora was rubbing her eyes by the end of it.

“I dunno how you guys can stand that. There’s so many _colors_.”

Catra gently massaged the back of Adora’s neck. “Take some aspirin, and let’s go to bed.”

Melog was waiting on the bed as usual, knowing his role as the wall between them. “Nope.” Catra snapped her fingers. “Off.”

“What are you doing?” Adora demanded, looking out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging in her mouth.

“We’re going to snuggle tonight. Ah!” She held up a hand to stop the oncoming protest. “My knee feels fine. I’m not worried about you kicking me. And it’s been a long fucking week. We’re snuggling.”

Adora frowned, going back to finish brushing her teeth. Melog settled on his bed in the corner, clearly put out about being outcasted. “Oh, you’re fine,” Catra told him, rolling her eyes. “Baby.”

He wasn’t the only one pouting. Adora looked like she was on eggshells as she climbed into bed. “Hey.” Catra caught her cheeks in her hands, tilting her head up so their eyes met. “I’m not made of glass. Okay? And if we really want to make this permanent — which I kind of do — then you have to learn that. I need _you_ , not your hero complex. Okay?”

“I don’t — I’m not—” Adora huffed, sighing. “Is it really that wrong that I don’t want to hurt you?”

“No. And if you _do_ hurt me, I’ll tell you. I don’t need you to protect me from your weird sleep fighting, though. Now, lie down and hold me.”

“So demanding,” Adora said even as she did what she was told. Catra rolled her eyes, turning off the light, and crawled into bed to join her. She pressed her face into Adora’s neck, arms sliding around her waist. And she sighed as Adora pulled her close, hugging her tight.

“I love you,” she whispered. Adora dropped a kiss against the top of her head, smiling into her hair.

“I love you too.”

It wouldn’t always be that simple. There were bad memories, and scary things in the future. There were arguments, and flashbacks, and sometimes pain.

But that was the past and the future. For now, they were content on settling in the comfortable present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like happy but open endings, idk. The story isn't over, it's just at a good pausing point, and you know they'll continue on happily.
> 
> Anyway, this was my first time trying a modern Catradora AU, and I just.... am really blown away by the response I got. This whole thing has been nervewracking, and y'all are too nice. I've got like 20 other AUs so maybe I'll be back with another one, who knows. There's always the Magicatra AU, though. And Tumblr! Sometimes I do things there.

**Author's Note:**

> It is a known fact that reviews give writers the energy to write.
> 
> Find me on tumblr if you want to scream at me - inbox is always open: https://catrasredemption.tumblr.com/


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